AIBU to feel a bit put out by ILs' gifts to DD?(53 Posts)
ILs have always been a bit strange with gifts - just to give a bit of background, some classics they've given me over the years include; an industrial size can of sweetcorn months out of date (SIL), a mini JCB branded spade on a key ring (MIL), a Tesco bag for life (MIL), a complimentary pot of jelly beans (the type you get at conferences) already opened and half the beans eaten (SIL) and many, many old/random bits with huge red clearance stickers left on them.
Since the initial confusion at our first Christmas together, it's become a bit of an affectionate joke between DH and I and we have a bit of a giggle over them.
However, I was hoping that they'd put the bizarrity aside for my DD who's 8 months old, this being her first Christmas. She's a very small baby (still in 3-6 month clothes) and was prem so about 1-2 months behind developmentally.
They got her an adult size duvet cover, two boys' two year old size onesies, an activity pack (the very cheapest you can imagine - two 8 page grey paper colouring books and standard four crayons) and a bear you feed with a toy bottle, neither suitable for under 3s, a Something Special game with buttons to help four year olds learn to spell dated 2011 on the back and (suspiciously?) not in any packaging, a very cute dress, top and leggings but aged 36 months, two very cheap books (prices left on, 50p for two) aimed at 5 year olds, an enormous white chocolate dog, a bag of kinder chocolates, a bargain bath tidy net and some small soft toys (DD isn't bothered about soft toys yet, she likes things with colour and different textures and stuff she can chew). All in all, nothing we could really let her have and nothing to show that they'd thought about her personality at all.
Obviously she doesn't know anything about it this year but what if it continues for future birthdays/Christmasses. I can't imagine it being any kind of fun for a little one to open their gifts and have them put away straight away until they're age appropriate...
Just to put it into perspective, SIL's 13 year old daughter was given a PS4 this year (Wii U and tablet last year), SIL got £500 worth of cooking equipment (bought for her by BIL) so we know they know how to do decent presents and that it's not a money thing.
DH and I struggled massively for money this year (mat leave pay) but still put the same thought and as much money as we could into each gift and while we don't care for ourselves, I feel like no real care or thought has gone into DD's gifts. My family got things that match her interests (lifting flaps and touchy feely stuff) so she did get some lovely presents in addition to the ones we got her.
I am grateful she got any gifts and thanked the ILs properly. I don't want them to spend loads of money on her and I'm not upset about the gifts but AIBU in being disappointed that not more thought had gone into baby's first Christmas gifts?
Have your DCs ever gotten strange or inappropriate gifts which have left you a bit ? Any good stories out there?
I got a pot. One sister got a hand made tree with toffees on, the other sister got a pack of coloured paper.
Bless her and we said thank you.
Why are you putting them aside for DD? Why not wrap them up and give them back to PIL/SIL/DN for birthdays?
For a start I'd get very cheap token presents for them from now on, crap from the dump bin in Poundland kind of that. Any kids then carry on as normal. Next time open it and say, I'll put it away for her until she's 5, then do not enter a conversation about it. As for your little girl, she'll never bother, she will totally expect the rubbish as she will have grown up knowing nothing else.
Thoughtless selfish people if you ask me. Don't take it to heart, but equally don't make the effort anymore with their gifts.
I did once get a size 18 jumper from MIL. I'm size 6-8. I can only imagine she didn't read the label carefully - she doesn't hate me and normally tries to buy things she knows I like, Molton Brown, Clarins skincare etc based on what she's seen in our house!
That is such a shame. YANBU.
Can you suggest that due to maternity pay and new family you want to stop doing presents altogether. If you are careful about how you handle it it will solve the problem.
Suggest a donation to a savings account for a treat.
I think I'd be grateful for the soft toys tbh and you sound a wee bit pfb about her only liking crinkly toys. Does she really have 'interests' at 8m?! The rest does sound bizarre though.
Regifting crap gifts back to them as suggested above
Opt out of gifts altogether
I think these are your only options tbh
Take it all -back- to the charity shop on Monday, sounds like a load of unwanted clutter, thats the last thing Id want,
If they ask, tell them.It was ALL unsuitable, so its gone.
Haha! I'd love to give them bizarre gifts back just to see how'd they react. I'll see if DH is open to the idea
Lilydaisyrose - I take your point and I am grateful for it all really as she'll get to enjoy them fairly soon, especially the soft toys.
DD is what you'd call a... how do I put this... strong willed and curious baby. She gets bored very quickly and gets cross when bored (I spend most of my days desperately trying to think up new ways to entertain her, bloody knackering) and so likes toys that grab her interest for a while, it's not just crinkly toys but she's definitely more interested in toys and books that have parts she can move or that she can chew to death. I don't know if it's 'interests' per se but she's definitely interested in different things to friends' babies or her little cousin. They all have their own little personalities and preferences don't they, bless them
God, bin it all immediately. And don't overly thank them as it reinforces that's it's acceptable. Just spend between now and your daughter's birthday practicing this face in the mirror
I would be hurt by those gifts too. They are very strange and unsuitable for a baby. I don't know what I'd do about it though. Are they 'normal' and nice apart from the gifts issue? Or are they nasty generally?
Sorry but this made me laugh! The giant sized tin of sweetcorn FFS!! The gifts your DD got are just ridiculous but I think the only want to go to is to make it a joke between you and DD. My MIL used to give us a "hamper" (cardboard box) of food at Christmas, just run of the mill stuff but always a black cherry jelly. Now I always give my sons a black cherry jelly as it's a family joke except this time I had trouble finding them.
Oh I've just remembered that when dd was born, my mum bought her a China cup and saucer so they could drink tea together
Sorry, got a bit off track there! I think the point I was trying to make is that there're tonnes of toys etc. out there for babies but none of them include age inappropriate stuff and I'm disappointed that they seemed to have forgotten she's a baby at all
Why do you think they would be different for a baby?!
*seriouslydispleased I don't know really, there seems to be a weird present hierarchy within the family and I think I'd just assumed she'd be higher up it than DH and I!
ButEmilylove him they're not nasty people (although MIL definitely has her moments), they're all just a bit strange...!
Thanks for all your posts btw, they're really making me smile!!
Did your DH grow up getting shit gifts? If not, they clearly dislike you and are being arseholes. They must be doing it on purpose then laughing at you. Especially as their own kids get normal gifts.
Those colouring/activity packs were probably free with kids meals in pubs.
From now on just spend no more than £5 on each in poundland. And have a box to keep any free stuff you get, like hotel shampoo or free keyrings and stuff then gift from that.
Some people are just a special brand of crazy sweet corn made me laugh lol
In anticipation of future birthdays/Christmases... 'DD is really into stuff like this x at the moment... Here's the link to the Argos code if you would like to get it for her, I know she'd appreciate it to get something she enjoys so much from you. Alternatively, she could really do with some new pyjamas - Sainsburys gave got their 25% off next week, she's size x in their clothes at the moment. If you're doing a charity shop hunt, keep your eyes open for jigsaws with 10-30 pieces. Or if you're still stuck for ideas, some new colouring in/play dough/other cheap usable replaceable thing'.
Once they've had that much direction, and mucked up, then you can bring out the more pa responses.
Is it just you and DD that get crap gifts from them? What about DH and other ILs? If you and DD are being singled out, I would point out to them politely that you have no use for this stuff and maybe they can re-gift to someone who does.
I think this will increasingly annoy you over the years so better to nip it in the bud now.
The clothes for older babies, I can just about understand, but only upto a year older.
When my son was born, my cousin's mother in law (whom I'd never met) bought him a football and a toothbrush.
There's a thread on here about someone who got a plastic carrot for Christmas... lots of ideas of what to buy them in future on that thread... here it is
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