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Friend being a dick about my DD's birthday

(404 Posts)
DrMum83 Sat 02-Jan-16 19:58:46

Am I being all pfb?
Known a couple for 15 years - we're all close, went to uni together, see each other loads as a four, they live 5 mins away.
We have a DD who turns one next week.
They're planning a family but both of them have hectic social lives and on NYE said that they can't bring themselves to ttc as they'd miss their independence but will have kids at some point. have mentioned this to avoid backlash of 'maybe they're having fertility issues', they're not
Since DD was born we have seen them a lot less for obvious reasons. We often invite for dinner at our house or have met individually - so I'd do lunch with the wife and DH might play squash with the husband, but they're really not child friendly- on the few occasions my DD has been there, the husband has completely ignored her existence and the wife has done some obligatory cooing but obviously isn't that bothered. This is fine with us - we get that pre kids, life is about drinking, lie ins and nice holidays and we definitely don't expect our DD to be centre of attention. weekend were having a really low key tea and cakes birthday thing at our house.
I just made a whatsapp group and added the couple and said 'no offense will be taken if you'd rather not but you're welcome to pop in for a cuppa and cake at any point. I honestly do not mind if you don't fancy it'
The husband replied 'this sounds shit' and then I got notification that 'husband has left group'

Now, I get they're not into kids but AIBU to be miffed at his rudeness? Half of me thinks it's funny- we have a very banterful relationship and it could be just that but ffs, he could have just said he was busy or ignored it??

chumbler Sat 02-Jan-16 20:02:05

Gosh that's rude

LIZS Sat 02-Jan-16 20:02:11

How rude! But yabu to expect anything other than a passing interest in your dd if they have none of their own.

toobreathless Sat 02-Jan-16 20:03:07


But is the too busy thing an excuse?are they actually struggling to concieve? This might explain some of the rudeness.

MintyBojingles Sat 02-Jan-16 20:03:14

Yeah that's just rude. I get it could not be his thing, in which case he should just keep quiet and say sorry can't make it.

Enjoy your DDs birthday with nicer people.

raisin3cookies Sat 02-Jan-16 20:03:45

Way over the line, "bantery" relationship or not. I'd be terribly hurt and stop inviting them round from now on.

hadtoregregister Sat 02-Jan-16 20:03:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

waxweasel Sat 02-Jan-16 20:05:21

It really doesn't sound like OP expects even a passing interest, sounds like you're expecting no interest at all! Which is very reasonable and tolerant of you. Tbh, any friends of ours who aren't the least bit interested in our DD are now ex friends. I just dont have time for that.

This friend sounds an utter twat. So so rude. I'd call him on it.

RandomMess Sat 02-Jan-16 20:05:25

YANBU whatever the reason, there is no need to be so crass - it really doesn't sound like banter. "No thanks" would have sufficed!

YouBastardSockBalls Sat 02-Jan-16 20:06:42

That's really rude.

Diggum Sat 02-Jan-16 20:07:07

I dunno. I have a few friends who have wonderfully cynical senses of humour and if this came from any of them I'd laugh and reply with something equally appalling.

Depends on the type of banter I guess?!

Moonriver1 Sat 02-Jan-16 20:07:26

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

molyholy Sat 02-Jan-16 20:07:35

He was probably semi joking. Take no notice. I would not got to a one yr olds bday if I wasn't an immediate relative I.e mum or sister.

bornwithaplasticspoon Sat 02-Jan-16 20:07:55

That's really hurtful. Some 'friend'. hmm

SquinkiesRule Sat 02-Jan-16 20:08:01

Nasty man, that wasn't necessary, a polite no thanks and then leave the group would have been fine.

doitanyways Sat 02-Jan-16 20:08:43

Very rude shock

SilverdaleGlen Sat 02-Jan-16 20:09:27


Definitely rude. At a push banter that was horribly misguided and stupid. Think you have to pull him up on it face to face.

SkyShadow Sat 02-Jan-16 20:09:34

Very rude.

Floggingmolly Sat 02-Jan-16 20:09:57

That is not an example of a wonderful, cynical sense of humour, Diggum
It's an example of how an ignorant arsehole behaves.

Mooshbag Sat 02-Jan-16 20:10:15

That's pretty rude. YANBU.

mysaladdays Sat 02-Jan-16 20:11:25

Ouch! Rude. Depends whether you want to maintain friendship- sometimes there are bumps on the road when renegotiating boundaries after a big change like one couple having a baby, but I think part of it is letting the other party know if they've overstepped the mark, which he has by some way. I might text back with a short text to say it was harsh. Otherwise he won't know (though he should!) and possibly carry on like that.....

museumum Sat 02-Jan-16 20:11:32

Very rude.
If he really didn't fAncy it he'd just say "yes, not really our thing but have fun".

gandalf456 Sat 02-Jan-16 20:12:11

Ouch. No. It's rude but probably a joke gone too far but one where he really meant it deep down

coffeeisnectar Sat 02-Jan-16 20:12:16

moon were you there? Are you the wife?

I think that's really rude op. What does your dh say?

PaintedTshirt Sat 02-Jan-16 20:12:31

Is he a "I was only joking" type person? Code for passive aggressive prick who will claim you have no sense of humour if you don't find this 'joke' funny?

Just distance yourself and remember this once they have their own pfb smile

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