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To think buying a joint present without consultation first, and then demanding money.. however little is wrong

(22 Posts)
NoahVale Sat 02-Jan-16 11:38:39

A colleague in our team has done this. We have a lady, she gets paid to work where we do, but she doesnt have a contract admittedly, so may well lose her job at the drop of a hat.
but apparently one of the team members decided she deserves special treatment and has brought her a present, from all of us, and then demanded money from us.

principally I think this is wrong. We havent bought each other presents for a start but the cheek of buying it and then asking for money annoys me.

NoahVale Sat 02-Jan-16 11:40:33

The team I work with did this before,
a birthday present, last minute, for one of the bosses, then asked for X amount <<I refused, making them all pay more>>

Trills Sat 02-Jan-16 11:42:25


If you expect people to pay for a thing, you should get them to agree BEFORE you buy the thing.

Floralnomad Sat 02-Jan-16 11:42:44


pinkoneblueone Sat 02-Jan-16 11:43:36

I've had the same happen a boss rush out and spend money on someone and then demand we all pay a cut. It was awful no one was happy about it but most felt they had to do it. It was not really a nice place to work either tbh.

Crinkle77 Sat 02-Jan-16 11:43:38

Unless she is leaving or it is a special birthday then I wouldn't want to contribute. Also it might make your colleague feel a bit awkward knowing that she has been bought a pressie out of pity.

MummySparkle Sat 02-Jan-16 11:43:38


DPs cousin does this for DPs Nan every year. A few years ago it was a big expensive TV, last year it was a really ugly garden ornament. We get no say in the matter and had already budgeted for her with our limited resources at Christmas time and bought her a present.

SkyShadow Sat 02-Jan-16 11:44:24


She should have asked around to see who would be willing and able to join in with buying a joint present first. What if you (or someone else asked) hasn't got enough money to spare?

The norm in places I've worked is to collect money first, then buy presents once you know how much money people have contributed.

Iwonderif Sat 02-Jan-16 11:49:05

So it's a guilt gift then? Boss should pay. It's nothing to do with the rest of the team. Agree with other post about making the person in question feel humiliated & embarrassed.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt Sat 02-Jan-16 11:51:02

YANBU, not at all.

Everyone should have been consulted first.

nocabbageinmyeye Sat 02-Jan-16 11:55:14

Yanbu, just do as you did in the past and say no, colleague needs to be told no imo otherwise if you all pay up it's like telling her it's an ok thing to do (it's not) and you could be in the same situation next year

NoahVale Sat 02-Jan-16 11:55:31

I agree, she will feel more like a spare part, not part of the Team as it were

mrsfuzzy Sat 02-Jan-16 12:15:14

yanbu, i would not be pushed into coughing up for it. sorry, but the woman gets paid a wage and if she is on zero contract she knows she might lose her job at any time, that's how it is.

Viviennemary Sat 02-Jan-16 12:27:20

Say no. I once said I'd voluntary give to a person who wasn't in my department but that I quite liked. The collector said that will be £10 then. And was astonished when I said that would be too much. She said well that's what we're giving. In your case just say you haven't agreed to it so won't be donating. I know it's hard.

smileygrapefruit Sat 02-Jan-16 12:36:07

Yanbu. People used to do this all the time at my old work. One time was for a leaving present for a right knobhead who no one liked anyway, I said no.

Osolea Sat 02-Jan-16 12:36:23

What's the present for? Is it a birthday or something?

expatinscotland Sat 02-Jan-16 12:56:05


catfordbetty Sat 02-Jan-16 13:06:14

How much have you been asked for?

sleeponeday Sat 02-Jan-16 13:36:53

It's crappy of the company if she's not on a proper contract, but I agree a present from the rest of you just underlines that, and none of you have any control over her working situation either. It's likely to embarrass her. And this would be bad enough for a leaving or maternity gift - the buying without asking, then expecting contributions - but for a "just because" present, just after Christmas? That's plain ridiculous.

BathshebaDarkstone Sat 02-Jan-16 13:42:09

I didn't know people did this! shock YANBU.

LordBrightside Sat 02-Jan-16 14:43:43

Presents at work are a total pain. I work in an office with around 30 people and it never ends. It is always someone's birthday, wedding, baby, leaving maternity, etc etc. I'm never done signing cards or handing over cash.

Handing over cash is the LEAST annoying thing, I don't mind that. It's all the excruciating presentations that bother me the most.

As manager of one of the teams I regularly have to orchestrate these things too. It's brutal to be honest and one of the worst things about being a manager.

Sure, I benefit sometimes when it's my birthday or whatever but I would honestly give this up quite happily. Why do we need to infantilise our colleagues at work with excruciating renditions of " Happy Birthday"?

I think the whole "presents at work" thing is an entirely female driven thing. An office full of men just would not bother.

RaspberryOverload Sat 02-Jan-16 16:20:51

There's about 16 of us in our office. We keep it simple; everyone has put a small amount into a kitty and I organise a birthday card for each person's birthday, sending it round for each person to sign.

We don't do presents, and it's all nice and easy, no guilting anyone.

No way would I be contributing to any joint present without being consulted.

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