WIBU to go NC with my mum(5 Posts)
I feel a bit shit saying this, but my mum is an awful person. She has always been awful. It's not huge things, but small hurtful things which she says either delibrately or out of anger. Examples of this are :
1. Mocking DSis1 over her weightover the years, saying things like her moles on her face look like she constantly has just been gobbling food. DSis1 has severe anorexia now.
2. Sang a theme song about my DFather, and the character was a bull frog. She said it suited him because he was short and ugly. This was her not so funny joke over the years.
3. My DF left the marriage after us three siblings were over 21. DM called us individually in a rage to say we were all stupid because a younger woman had managed to get more money out of DF than we did. Hours and hours of abusive phone calls.
Yesterday, I spoke to my mum on the phone and the subject turned to my DF and DSis2 (who is abroad and has gone NC). She couldn't understand why her youngest daughter refuses to speak to her. DM went on and on about completely unrelated reasons and finally I told her it was because she was unkind and always crossed the line during arguments.
In true DM style, she went batshit. She shrieked and cried, and said that we were all terrible people and that she would leave us all out of her will and give it to a children's charity. As far as DSis2 and I are concerned, that's fine. We have stable jobs. DSis1 on the other hand is so ill she has needed life saving hospital stays more times than I can count. (There is some back story to this, DM has refused to look after DSis1 and has left DSis1 in our home country. DM and I are in the UK).
WIBU to seriously consider going NC? These rows with her are horribly distressing, and she seems to thrive from the drama. Please help me see some perspective if not?
Can't see why not.
You clearly only get distress out of the relationship.
What's to lose?
I find it interesting that you start by saying it's not "huge" things, I'm sure what you've wrote is just the tip of the iceberg and they are bad enough, she sounds awful.
How is a Mother verbally/emotionally abusing a child to the point that their caused Mental Health issue manifest in a way that is life threatening (Anorexia), not huge?
I agree that if you start to think through her behaviour, she has been and is abusive and you are minimising it, because you've known no different.
I'd go NC with someone so toxic.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. Reading what I have written, especially the part where she has played a major part in DSis2's anorexia, it is huge.
When she is in a good mood, anything unkind she says is a joke. So when she made a "joke" in public when I was 12 about my huge thighs (I'm not fat, just pear shaped!) and I got upset, it was me being over-sensitive. We'd argue over things like this but she firmly believes that she is in the right.
DM had a childhood friend and several years ago, her friend was diagnosed with breast cancer. DM told her that she had cancer because she didn't eat organic food! Another childhood friend has a son who was born without thumbs. She was told by my DM that it was because she took the contraceptive pill. As you can imagine they also have gone NC.
Putting this all in writing has helped, thank you again.
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