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to offer my real life transcripts from abusive ex's online/email attacks?

(18 Posts)
TreesInSpace Fri 01-Jan-16 23:11:21

From the beginning, years back to present ongoing? The content is vulgar, repellant, hair raising, disgusting, terrifying, all of that. It isn't as measured or 'soft' as you see on the odd domestic violence tv documentary. This really was the most despicable and degrading examples of abuse between a couple.

To present how he groomed me online as a naive young woman,
how he turned up at my home one day despite me never having given him a single contact detail (early Internet days and I had no online footprint back then),
All the chat room conversations and private messages he saved between us and stitched together into coherent reading format,
How the abuse started when I moved in with him, the flags I didn't see, the things he 'made' me do 'out of love', how the relationship panned out, what happened when we had kids, how it ended, and how the abuse still continues despite his absence of several years.
And how legally, because he plays the system so well, he has avoided being called up on his behaviour?

He's a bizarre character in itself, his lifestyle is jawdroppingly weird, his past is extraordinary, his criminal activities shocking.

It all sounds like a huge fiction yet it's true. It could be a minefield in terms of libel/slander issues, but presumably a book agent would advise on that.

It could possibly even have repercussions from him, who knows. I'm wondering if it could even be written without too many identifying factors so that he'd never know about it.

Lastly, it isn't for spite. I have no animosity towards him. It's just that whilst there was a spate of abuse survivor fiction and non fiction a few years ago, I can't think of any that actually documented in detail using a timeline with actual transcripts, emails, texts, etc between the parties, as mine could.
Also, the timeline might help women in a similar situation recognise flags I didn't. I don't need to write it for cathartic reasons either. I'm probably over it now.

Is it a stupid (useless) idea?

TheSnowFairy Fri 01-Jan-16 23:14:46

Maybe you should start by approaching a book agent and see what the legal issues may be?

Not sure offering it online is a good idea. Might be read by abusers/potential abusers and used for tips.
Perhaps some researcher into abusers would find it useful material for a case study, you could look into that.

TreesInSpace Fri 01-Jan-16 23:23:25

Thankyou, some useful replies so far.

BlueJug Sat 02-Jan-16 00:04:22

If it was well put together - and I suspect you'd need a good editor for that - it would be very readable. You should maybe see an agent with a written draft of how you want it to read, just a collection of transcripts, a first person linking narrative, a semi-fictionalised story?

Do think about repercussions though. I would be inclined to change identifying details.

Ginkypig Sat 02-Jan-16 00:10:18

I'd read it.

If it was good and I could see it helping I'd give it to a person who I thought could use it. Iv done that with books in the past.

Go for it.

I'm glad things are better for you now.

I will say though my friend had a book published about her childhood and the sexual abuse that happened to her and it was a nightmare due to the fact that no proper charges were brought.
They would not publish for a long time until

Dates names timelines places etc were all changed.

They would tell her to change a piece of info she would argue it was important then a compromise had to be made so the story stayed true and they felt they couldn't be sued. Then a new argument would begin about the next info they wanted changed.

It did finally get published, it didn't beco a bestseller but she hadn't do it for that.

Mmmmcake123 Sat 02-Jan-16 00:20:02

I agree with fears that it could become a top tips guide for grooming. Sorry, but I think that is why many true life stories are filtered to a degree. The story needs to end with the perp in a bad situation, otherwise it could encourage others.
I would still approach a literary agent tho. Good luck

Littlefluffyclouds81 Sat 02-Jan-16 00:20:49

I have a very similar story OP, and it's being published at the end of this month by a major publisher.

BUT...the five major publishers all turned it down to begin with because of the potential legal issues. One finally accepted it but very cautiously, and only because my version of events was proven in court and I have the court documents to show this.

The story has been massively disidentified in the book, to the extent that in many ways it doesn't really represent the true story.

It's a minefield.

Mmmmcake123 Sat 02-Jan-16 00:21:27

If the transcripts could be used it sounds like something they could dripfeed through the media for advertising

TheFormidableMrsC Sat 02-Jan-16 00:41:40

I'd read it. However, check your position first..approach some publishers. I have just noticed Littlefluffy's post and as I don't know much about this but am considering a book about my own experiences it is clear you need to take some legal advice. It would be worth doing if you are serious about this as a project...good luck!

WelshMoth Sat 02-Jan-16 06:03:46

I'm a bit concerned about what you said in your OP...

and how the abuse still continues despite his absence of several years.

This may affect how an agent perceives your motivation and will withdraw pretty sharpish if they see a potential mind field. More importantly, the above quote leads me to ask if you're ok?

Learningtoletgo Sat 02-Jan-16 06:26:48

How old are your children and how would they feel about it?

catfordbetty Sat 02-Jan-16 08:13:40

There is certainly a market for this sort of memoir although it's not something I would personally want to read. Also, unless your former partner had been convicted of a relevant crime, there would surely be legal implications if he were identifiable.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 02-Jan-16 08:25:20

Sorry to hear of your experience.

Would you consider talking to a DV charity? They might be working on a project where you could input? They are generally interested in case studies too.

Good luck.

MrsMargoLeadbetter Sat 02-Jan-16 08:26:05

Should say DV/DA charity.

NeedsAsockamnesty Sat 02-Jan-16 08:42:08

If it was all email like back and forth or other provable thing (you had court docs stating it was true or other such thing)

I would use it

Pipistrella Sat 02-Jan-16 08:50:55

I don't think I would do this.

JohnLuther Sat 02-Jan-16 08:57:05

You need to seek legal advice OP as I can see it being a can of worms.

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