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I have just had enough

(17 Posts)
CakeFail Fri 01-Jan-16 18:02:03

Long story but my family are a little disfunctional. I work hard to maintain a decent relationship with my closest family (parents, grandparents, siblings, in-laws).

The rest is just too much. Conversation just seems to consist of constant passive aggressive, competetive remarks and I have to grit my teeth through every meet up. I think Christmas just about finished me off. AIBU to avoid seeing some cousins, aunts and uncles as much as possible from now on? Am I a dreadful person for thinking this?

buckingfrolicks Fri 01-Jan-16 18:05:38

YANBU at all. Good grief - i haven't met my uncle/aunts/etc for years, have nothing in common with them etc. Don't do it to yourself! they sound grim

CakeFail Fri 01-Jan-16 18:07:31

God I'm glad you said that bucking! Glad it's not just me that has nothing in common with aunts / uncles / cousins.

CakeFail Fri 01-Jan-16 18:09:40

Should say some cousins as some I actually am close to.

Creiddylad Fri 01-Jan-16 18:10:33

YANBU. I do not understand why people feel obliged to see family members they do not like.

I do not bother with any of my family that I do not like. Uncles, Aunts etc I only see at funerals now days. I have four sisters, I only bother with 1 of them. The others I find very annoying so don't see them.

Maybe I am an extreme, but I only see Dh's parents once a year and have not seen his siblings for about 4 years.

I work FT, have 3 kids and am very busy, I spend my time with people I like.

diddl Fri 01-Jan-16 18:26:16

Aunts, Uncles, cousins-isn't that what Facebook is for?

Foslady Fri 01-Jan-16 18:26:40

When I married for the 2nd time I didn't even think to invites uncles, aunts & cousins - nothing in common and never liked them much growing up. The one who's behaviour is vile I'm now nc with

LumelaMme Fri 01-Jan-16 18:28:36

I have a SIL I studiously avoid. She is very good at the barbed comments and sometimes gratuitously unpleasant. I put up with it for years but she's not been to our house nor us to hers for a good ten years.

If people are horrible to you, you have no obligation to put up with it.

Spero Fri 01-Jan-16 18:31:54

No. Avoid, avoid, avoid.

I hadn't realised until my mum died how much she must have shielded me and my brothers from the bizarre neuroticism and passive aggressiveness of some family members.

Some of them appear to exist simply to spread around much random East enders type drama. I feel sorry for them but life really is too short. Genetic connections mean nothing if your heart sinks at the very mention of them.

Topseyt Fri 01-Jan-16 18:31:58

If you've nothing in common then why do you make the effort. They won't miss you and you won't miss them.

Take a step back and chill about it.

Plenty of people have members of their wider families who they hardly ever see and wouldn't recognise if they walked past them in the street. It isn't at all uncommon. You don't have to know someone just because they might be a blood relative.

Arfarfanarf Fri 01-Jan-16 18:37:57

I dont have anything to do with my father's family.
I wouldnt know my cousins, aunts, unlces, if i fell over them.
I dont understand what seems to me to be an obsession with 'family'. Omg they share dna you must keep them in your life no matter how much they shit on you. Open wide and offer them a wet wipe then turn over and point them to a clean spot.
Screw that.

CakeFail Fri 01-Jan-16 18:43:11

arf that made me snort laugh!

Thanks very much all. So glad to know I'm not alone!

MrsNippyCat Fri 01-Jan-16 18:45:26

YANBU at all. I have nothing to do with my mum's 2 siblings and very low contact with my cousin on that side. Life is much more pleasant now even though seeing granny needs a bit of co-ordinating.

Genetics are no reason for putting up with people you get nothing positive from being around.

Notimefortossers Fri 01-Jan-16 18:50:13

I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't have to associate with people that make you miserable just because they're family!

I've had no major rows with my extended family, but I just don't see them much. We have nothing in common

DisgraceToTheYChromosome Fri 01-Jan-16 20:54:48

YANBU. Remember my Lemon thread? Turns out that SIL has been picking on DD for years behind our backs. This woman's more recent offences include: sending the police to MIL's house after MIL put the phone down on her, grumping at DW for being at work when she paid a visit, trying to get me to divorce her over DD's mocks ("not your fucking decision, madam"), helicoptering her daughters (one of whom is part of Gold Command for flooding) and poncing about like Hyacinth Bucket in general.

CakeFail Fri 01-Jan-16 21:20:22

Thanks again all.

shock disgrace! I haven't actually read your thread, but your SIL sounds like a delight.

Ohorgodssake Fri 01-Jan-16 21:36:51

I went NC with about 90% of my family more than 10 years ago. Only regret I've ever had is that I didn't do it earlier. 😅

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