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To think I'm not a horrible daughter.

(21 Posts)
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Fri 01-Jan-16 00:31:17

I haven't been out at all today. I have been thick into a fibro fog, very high off my prescription medications and been sleeping on and off all day. The only way my Meds are helping is that I can sleep.

My parents know that when I have these attacks I can't do nothing, but being drunk has said some hurtful things. That I can't be bothered ect. I do visit at least once a week. However it leaves me feeling more tired when I do.

I know it's nye and maybe I should of phoned. I wish I did but even my own DC have had to settle with a Netflix day.

JassyRadlett Fri 01-Jan-16 00:35:32

Did they phone you? Have they visited? Have they bothered with you?

It sounds like it may all be a bit one way, which isn't how I think adult relationships should work.

I'm sorry you're feeling rubbish. Please don't let your parents make you feel any worse.

Mmmmcake123 Fri 01-Jan-16 01:35:59

O they understand your fibro issue? Get NHS leaflets for them just to start with.
Good luck xx

Mmmmcake123 Fri 01-Jan-16 01:36:48

O meant Do

knobblyknee Fri 01-Jan-16 01:42:19

Who is parenting who here? You take care of yourself. shock shock

Pancakeflipper Fri 01-Jan-16 01:50:53

Don't worry about it. You've nothing to be guilty about. You know your strengths and limitations. You do what's apt and prioritize accordingly. Give yourself a round of applause and kindly ignore them you'll never satisfy them

kali110 Fri 01-Jan-16 02:35:18

Op i know how you feel as my mother says the sAme when she's not drinking!
It's very hard with fibro as people can't see it so seems to be easy for some just to think it doesn't exsist hmm
Hope you feel better, i've had a shitty christmas with my pain too xx

AdjustableWench Fri 01-Jan-16 02:38:36

If your parents are reasonable, they will understand and accept your illness and the limitations it places on you.

If they're not reasonable they will complain that you haven't fulfilled your social obligations.

If they're like most relatively normal people they will have a fairly inadequate understanding of complex long-term illness and will wish you had contacted them, but will take your point when you explain that you were feeling unwell.

If they're still giving you a hard time after you've explained that you're feeling unwell, you can legitimately tell them to find something else to do like FOTTFSOFOATFOSM and then absolve yourself of any social guilt by reminding yourself that your parents' job is to care about how you feel more than about how you conduct yourself socially.

velourvoyageur Fri 01-Jan-16 03:08:09

Piper of course you're not a horrible daughter! If anyone's saying that I'm sure it's not true. You have to take care of yourself - coping with what you're going through is your first priority. Who cares if it's NYE! You need to be concentrating on getting better which obviously means getting rest. Sympathy from me smile
Once a week visit is great, how much more do they want! If it leaves you worse off then you should even be thinking about scaling it back. Don't let them affect your mood. It's a pity they don't understand, but they may in future.
Sorry you have to feel like this & face silly responses from people on top, just focus on feeling better. And FWIW I love Netflix days ;-)

Chiggers Fri 01-Jan-16 07:47:47

If yo look at it from the other side, they could be construed as being horrible parents for not taking a small amount of time to learn about your condition. Just like any parent, their moral obligation is to help you to get through this episode. It isn't their obligation to care more about how they look to the outside world sad.

I second the PP who mentioned getting leaflets about the condition. It may be an idea (if you have the time, stamina and ink) to search the internet for an in-depth description of what Fibro is, how it affects the sufferers, how bad it can get etc. It may also be an idea to pester them to read it so that they have some understanding of how this affect YOU and how to help (that's if they want to help). There's nowt more irritating than judgement through ignorance angry.

I hope your episode doesn't last too long and you are feeling better soon. Let's hope 2016 brings better times for you smile

Anyway, here's some flowers cake brew for you smile

hiccupgirl Fri 01-Jan-16 08:18:15

Much sympathy from here. My DH has fibro and I get tired of explaining to people that it's not just he's a bit tired and a good sleep will help. It's a chronic long term illness and your parents clearly haven't got their heads round that yet.

Take care of yourself and your children and don't worry about them until you're a bit better than at the mo. They should be making the effort to support you at the mo rather than making you feel worse.

kali110 Fri 01-Jan-16 12:38:55

Try Not to get upset if even after reading leaflets nothing changes. I don't think my family understands even after hearing it after listening to consultants!
I know its hard when its family xx

MatildaTheCat Fri 01-Jan-16 13:44:26

Meh. I've got a chronic pain condition and my parents don't properly get it. Every time I call them I get a sad little lecture about how long I've left it. Very little by way of interest or sympathy. I called yesterday and asked after everyone and all the family news, Christmas etc and at the end realised she hadn't even asked how I was or how our Christmas went. sad

I've no answers for you, just a bucket load of empathy and sincere wishes for a better day tomorrow.

Any hints on having a better long distance relationship with parents gratefully received...unfortunately my mum wants to talk for ages when I call so calling more often is off putting. I do send quick emails etc but I'm still a big disappointment.

So sorry,mdidnt mean to hijack your thread, OP blush

MigGril Fri 01-Jan-16 14:27:32

All I can do is send you a big unmumnety hug flowers and say I get the same. I have a chronic pain condition and my family don't get it. They should be ring you and asking how you are really.

TiredButFineODFOJ Fri 01-Jan-16 19:17:54

It's rubbish piper
When they next come out with one of these gems, just agree sarcastically "yes I love being in constant pain and dicomfort, luckily my parents understand that means I can't visit but they pop over to see me so it's all FINE"

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Fri 01-Jan-16 20:04:59

I wish I could plan my flare ups.

I do realise now that my parents are blind to my condition.

CrazyCatLady13 Fri 01-Jan-16 21:39:47

It took my DP a while (I think about 2 years) before they fully understood what fibro is. They can now tell when I'm having a flare up before I say anything about it.

It is a difficult condition to understand. I try to explain it by asking if they've had flu, to imagine the tiredness and feeling like your bones are bruised, then that's a fairly close example. Or ask them to scrunch up their shoulder muscles for as long as they can then ask how they feel.

However, there will always be some people that just won't get it, and make no effort to understand. If your parents fall into this category there's nothing you can do to change them.

CrazyCatLady13 Fri 01-Jan-16 21:41:44

Also, don't forget that stress makes the symptoms so much worse which would explain why seeing your parents makes you worse - please do take care of yourself.

kali110 Sat 02-Jan-16 02:01:14

My mother has always had my health conditions too apparently but she just had to deal with them grin
If i just walked more or ate more i'd be fine hmm when i can't physically move.(and i've put about two stone on).
It's not as bad as some things i've read on some forums though, apparently our condition can be cured by simply eating the right food and spices!
No medication or painkillers needed!hmm

Mmmmcake123 Sat 02-Jan-16 03:16:17

Well hey everyone (sarcasm alert), just avoid tomatoes, butter, insert here, n you will be fine. Disclaimer all made up on the hop!

I really feel for you OP. People don't seem to want to spend a nanosecond understanding another person.

Also, I think we are conditioned a lil bit to put a brave face on, ultimately that leads to others thinking it's not that bad really. But if you express how bad things are people really don't want to know. It's a no win situation.


kali110 Sat 02-Jan-16 14:57:13

Mmmmcake123 It was like that!
Avoid eating this, eat these spices....
I eat a lot of these spices every week and it certainly hasn't helped my pain grin

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