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To think that ds should be able to choose where he wants his toys?

(35 Posts)
VicWillia Thu 31-Dec-15 13:24:53

Bit of background - ds is 5, split up with his dad 2 years ago, very acrimonious split which I try to keep hidden from ds.

Ds spends 3 nights with me, 4 with exh, this is due to him having his own room at exh's and not with me, this will change next year when I move to a bigger place.

Ds was given a remote controlled car by my dad for xmas. He loved it so much that when he went back to exh's, he wanted to take the car with him.

The next day, when I went to collect ds from exh, exh gave me the car in a bag. Said he doesn't want it in his house, doesn't have the room.

This is not true, he lives in a large 2 bed flat, I live in a tiny 1 bed.

ds was obviously upset at having to keep the car at mine, I asked him where he wanted the car and exh said not to ask him that because "hes a child and it doesn't matter what he wants"

Who is being U?

mrsfuzzy Thu 31-Dec-15 13:27:51

your ex, of course it matters!

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Thu 31-Dec-15 13:29:13

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable really. It is perfectly reasonable not to want a big or annoying toy you had no say in at your house.

LIZS Thu 31-Dec-15 13:30:37

Agree, your dad gave it to him so why shouldn't it return to yours. Do you not have outside space nearby where he can use it?

AnUtterIdiot Thu 31-Dec-15 13:31:52

Little bit petty if DS has his own room at his dad's, but on the other hand it was a toy that your dad bought so I would probably expect it to be kept at yours unless your dad goes to your ex's house on a regular basis...

ouryve Thu 31-Dec-15 13:36:13

I think this is something to let go. DS can have it with him wherever he is. It's not like he can play with it at yours when it's with his dad.

These toys soon break, anyhow.

Lelania Thu 31-Dec-15 13:36:48

I think your ex is being petty. But I think that if a woman posted on here asking if she should feel obliged to store big toys that their ex had brought the children in their home she'd be advised that she has every right to refuse

Frusso Thu 31-Dec-15 13:37:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Frusso Thu 31-Dec-15 13:37:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 31-Dec-15 13:40:17

I think yabu for not discussing it properly, but then given an acrimonious split this isn't as easy as it sounds I'm sure.

Could you ask your dad to store it til you move to a bigger place? Assuming you and DS visit regularly that is

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Thu 31-Dec-15 13:41:57

I don't think anyone is being unreasonable here. Just two different points of view. If it's too big for your flat perhaps your Dad could keep it at Grandad's. In fact he may be the unreasonable for buying such a large toy when you have limited space...

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrogFairy Thu 31-Dec-15 13:47:06

Is everyone thinking this is a huge car that the ds can sit in? A remote control car is not that big, but perhaps the ex is not happy if it is bashing into his furniture.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Thu 31-Dec-15 13:51:25

Yeah, like the others have said - he's NBU to not want it at his place, but he IS being unreasonable and rude to say that your DS has no say in it. sad

I suppose it is because it's a remote control car, which has safety/damage implications, and not just because it's from your side of the family? If the former, then he's NBU; if the latter though, then HIBVU and petty.

WorraLiberty Thu 31-Dec-15 13:53:26

He's NBU to not want it at his flat.

He was BU to say it doesn't matter what DS wants.

You were BU to drag your DS into it when his Dad had already said no.

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Thu 31-Dec-15 13:58:05

well i would not want it there either. don't think your ex is being unreasonable. his house, he gets a say what goes in there. it is one of those decisions that parents make.

if you have a problem with it it can live at your dads.

now.. where did we leave that vuvuzela that ex bought them? must return it to ex's house.

Jesabel Thu 31-Dec-15 14:01:53

I don't think he was unreasonable to say "he's a child and it doesn't matter what he wants" - because he's right, your DS doesn't get the deciding vote, the adults do.

You were unreasonable to try to use your DS to manipulate the situation - you don't want to keep the car at your house, and you were hoping your ex wouldn't be able to refuse your DS.

I'd have been annoyed if I'd said no to something and my DP tried to use the kids to guilt me into agreeing.

LunaMay Thu 31-Dec-15 14:03:10

Sorry i think yabu. He said he didnt want it there and you should have dropped it then. Just because he has more room than you doesnt mean he has room for extra toys, especially after Christmas, i'm assuming he bought presents.
In this situation i agree with him also, it doesnt matter what your son wants because the ADULT had already said he didnt have the room and you pretty much tried to undermine him and manipulate the situation.

LordBrightside Thu 31-Dec-15 14:03:48

Sounds like an utter cunt.

starry0ne Thu 31-Dec-15 14:04:35

This is one of those I would pick my battles.. Yes it would be nice if Ds could come and take toys as he pleases..However a car which he will loose interest in a couple of weeks is not worth a battle...

He may well enjoy it more if he has a break from it

WorraLiberty Thu 31-Dec-15 14:06:53

And possibly what he meant by "he's a child and it doesn't matter what he wants"

Was "He's 5 years old. Don't drag him into the argument".

Arfarfanarf Thu 31-Dec-15 14:13:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeyroar Thu 31-Dec-15 14:20:13

We've always kept toys bought by us and our family at our house and toys bought by my stepson's mum and her family at her house. Grandparents on either side usually buy toys designed to be played with in the space available at that parent's house. Usually we end up with a great stack of new toys after Xmas. I wouldn't welcome more from his mum's house arriving either. And I do th know it would have been more sensible to have said, "you've got lots of new toys from Xmas at your dad's to play with and this will be here when you get back" rather than asking him.

jay55 Thu 31-Dec-15 14:24:35

If your ex is in an upper floor flat he may not want it played with due to disturbing the downstairs neighbours. I know I'd be annoyed with the buzz of one of those over my head.

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn Thu 31-Dec-15 14:27:51

If its a remote controlled car then he can just take it with him between the houses

Not if the other parent doesn't want the toy in their house.

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