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Shared care parenting -holiday requests 15 nights away, unreasonable?

(3 Posts)
Claratark Wed 30-Dec-15 23:15:29

First time post-I feel very emotional about this issue and I would like to hear the opinions of other parents out there. I will try to give the facts rather than be emotive but to be honest my stomach is in knots, I am only just realising that my ongoing situation is causing me chronic stress which has been effecting my immunity, health and having knock on effects on other areas of my life such as work. I am an active Mum, I work hard for my girls and try to be fair towards my soon to be ex-husband. I feel like I am constantly waiting for the next emotional blow.
I am the mother of two daughters who are 4 year old and 6 years old. Their father and I have been separated now for two years now. We have a shared care parenting arrangement where the girls stay with me for 4 nights and him 3 nights a week. This was decided by us rather than courts, my ex constantly requests 50/50 access but I disagreed to this due to the fact that he gets to see the girls more over the school holidays and because of their age. It isn't ideal for either of us but I really try to be fair for the sake of the girls. I don't like sharing the care of our daughters and feel like a part-time mum, all I wanted from life was to be a good mum, but I empathise with Dad's that miss out on parenting. I work hard to bridge the gaps with email hand overs and trying to put our daughters needs always first.

My current issue is that my ex has requested to take out daughters away on holiday for 15 nights in July (he hasn't informed me where). I personally feel like this is too long at their age. Actually, when I say requested, I feel more like I have been told that this is what he intends to do. I feel bullied. I have expressed verbally and via email that I am against this length of time. Last year he took them away for (I think), 10 nights and they returned very emotional and clingy. I would never consider taking them away from their father for such a long period at such a young age as I value their attachments .

My oldest daughter seems to be more effected by our situation and gets unsettled when she is out of her usual routeen. During the Christmas period my daughter expressed her feelings to me. We discussed her concerns and talked about her putting dates on her Ipad so she knows what she is doing and feels more empowered. Then his holiday plan came, I expressed all my concerns to my ex but I don't think he hears me, he has his own agenda.

I don't want to be unreasonable but it feels wrong for both my daughters and me at such a young age.

Any advice would be gratefully received.

wannabestressfree Wed 30-Dec-15 23:17:49

Why the second thread?

AndNowItsSeven Wed 30-Dec-15 23:20:05

It is too long, tell him you do not give consent.

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