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to not want my fil to stay over on new years eve

(385 Posts)

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chocoholic05 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:12:50

My mil died earlier on in the year. My dh wants to invite my fil to stay tomorrow night and into new years day. In fact despite endless discussions with dh from a conversation with fil today it seems he has. I don't want him to. I would rather came for dinner on new years day and stay for tea as well. My reasons are we only have a small house so where would he sleep other than our living room? He never ever lies in no matter what time he goes to bed. He will bring his dog who is also an early riser. And he will expect us to get up. Alsothe dog smells really badly. I know that sounds horrible but it's absolutely true. Finally I like new year spent with my boys. Family games and dvds.He is only a ten minute drive away. But my dh said it's his first new year on his own.

ssd Wed 30-Dec-15 20:14:07

Don't be so mean. He's on his own, let him stay.

chocoholic05 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:16:25

I want to make it clear it's the staying over i don't want. I would like him to come for new years day which he is definitely invited to. With even discussed what we're having so he knows that.

ShatnersBassoon Wed 30-Dec-15 20:17:48

I think you should have him to stay. New Year can be a terribly sad time, when we think about what's happened in the year and what's to come. Don't you think your FIL would benefit from some company and family fun?

CountryRoadTakeMeHome Wed 30-Dec-15 20:18:03

Sorry, I think you are being mean! Unless you have personal problems with FIL YABU. It's one day. The dog I can understand but I would have firm rules as to where it sleeps and it would be DH duty to clear the house up after they leave.

Donthate Wed 30-Dec-15 20:18:46

Of course you are being unreasonable. This is one night for you. It is most likely a very big deal for your FIL. You just need to have some compassion.

Hassled Wed 30-Dec-15 20:19:15

I agree it all sounds a bit grim for you but I think you need to suck it up. It's the start of the first new year after the loss of his wife - it's going to be hard for him, and your DH obviously thinks company will help. You'll cope for a night.

chocoholic05 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:20:14

I understand what you're saying and I don't want to sound mean but where would they sleep in our house? There's no space!

AddToBasket Wed 30-Dec-15 20:20:17

YABU. You don't sound very nice. Have some empathy.

expatinscotland Wed 30-Dec-15 20:20:20

Why doesn't your DH go and stay with him?

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Wed 30-Dec-15 20:20:24

YABU. It's one night.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Wed 30-Dec-15 20:20:35

How would you feel if, after you pass, your child's OH wouldn't allow your DH to stay for new year, leaving him on his own for the first time after losing you?!

You are being massively unreasonable OP

MrsH1989 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:21:10

hmmm, if he only lives 10 mins away I would suggest he went home late at night and then came back for lunch the following day. If he is only 10 mins away that is in my opinion is a good compromise.

JenoftheAbbeySchool Wed 30-Dec-15 20:21:32

Don't be guilted into this. You are offering hospitality. Beware that what you do this year could set a precedent for other years. Say you want a lie in on New Years Day. And urge him to come back to enjoy the food and the fun.

ShatnersBassoon Wed 30-Dec-15 20:21:34

Presumably he's happy to kip on the sofa for a night. He knows you don't have a spare bed.

DoomGloomAndKaboom Wed 30-Dec-15 20:23:51

I think you said he could sleep in the living room?

How would you like your son or daughter in law to treat you when you are widowed in old age?

lightgreenglass Wed 30-Dec-15 20:24:12

YABU. The first New Year after a death is horrible.

CakeFail Wed 30-Dec-15 20:25:06

Have to agree with PPs really. YAB a little U. It's only one night and I'm sure it would mean a lot to FIL to be able to stay.

Hi5Hello Wed 30-Dec-15 20:27:17

The stillness of a quiet New Years Morning can be a killer if you are still grieving...

And for your DH as well, he may want his Dad there to make sure he is OK

YABU and more than a little selfish... It could be you one day

LordBrightside Wed 30-Dec-15 20:28:14

It's a nonsense. Why does a grown adult who lives 10 minutes away need to stay overnight in your living room? He can get a taxi home, even with his dog, or walk.

chocoholic05 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:28:29

If he stays over nobody would get a lie in because he isn't the quietest of people mostly because he's a little hard of hearing. I have spent new years with them before when the whole family hired a cottage. He bought us up an early cup of tea and he didn't lie in then so that's how I know. Also my mother in law always used to joke about his inability to lie in. My boys can only cope with staying up late if they can lie in the next day.

DoomGloomAndKaboom Wed 30-Dec-15 20:30:26

It's possibly only this year, please be kind.

(though tbh I am with you re: smelly dog - conspire with dh to treat it to a thorough dipping at the nearest poodle parlour, or have him do the honours at his dad's house)

Or is this a reverse?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Wed 30-Dec-15 20:30:34

You have no room.
He'll bring a dog you don't want.
He'll wake up at an hour unsuitable for your family.

You have every reason to say no yet your dh wants his Dad at your house.

Does your dh not see your reasons?

WongTobyWong Wed 30-Dec-15 20:31:32

Jesus wept, JenoftheAbbeySchool - sorry you're recently bereaved FIL, and facing your first NYE without your beloved, but go home and be alone. I want a lie-in.

OP, I hope this post is just some off-the-cuff venting that you'll soon be embarrassed about. Because I can't believe anyone would think that this is an acceptable way to behave towards your husband's father.

chocoholic05 Wed 30-Dec-15 20:31:52

Exactly Lord Brightside! Not walk though he doesn't live in a nice area.

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