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AIBU I want to invite friends for dinner but my husband doesn't....

(15 Posts)
lizatrixi Wed 30-Dec-15 17:15:10

When I suggest inviting some friends round for dinner my husband is never up for it. "Go out then" I tell him. But he says it makes him look bad. I think that is hypocritical but we are at stale mate. Any thoughts?

RNBrie Wed 30-Dec-15 17:17:43

What's his reason for not wanting to? Does he suggest an alternative? This would upset me... Does he ever go out in the evening anyway? Could you schedule it then?

LindyHemming Wed 30-Dec-15 17:18:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RatherBeRiding Wed 30-Dec-15 17:23:33

If he doesn't want to then he doesn't want to. However if he doesn't then he really shouldn't stand in your way - I really can't see a problem of him going out and you having friends round. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

How exactly does he reckon it makes him look bad? Are these mutual friends, who would be coming as couples? In which case I can see it might look a bit odd but if they are more "your" friends (ie you on your own) rather than your friends as a couple then I don't think it looks in the slightest bit odd if he goes off for the evening and does his own thing.

goodnightdarthvader1 Wed 30-Dec-15 17:28:49

If he's an introvert, HIBU. I'm an introvert, my DH is an extrovert. I never prevent him from going out to see people, I'm ok(ish) with people being invited around, but if I really didn't want to see them, then I would go out or stay in our bedroom. I give no shits about "looking bad" - I'm asocial, and that's just me. It doesn't make me a bad person, but if people want to think badly of me then <shrug> they can do so.

lizatrixi Wed 30-Dec-15 17:31:54

Hey, thanks for all that interest (first timer here).
They people I want to invite round soon are the parents of my son's best friend. The friend has been travelling for a year and surprisingly turned up. We have all been on communal holidays before.

I think my husband is uncomfortable at 'dinner parties' but is a great socialite when he's out. He knows I will be honest about this; that's why he will be uncomfortable. Although I will actually invite them on my own but it is hard work without him.

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Wed 30-Dec-15 17:35:52

Won't your dh put up with it once in a while? I think there should be compromise from time to time in a relationship.
I'm more sociable than my dh but we both compromise.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard Wed 30-Dec-15 17:42:03

I think there should be compromise too.
Trying to think it through is he uncomfortable with a more formal situation, planning a three course meal, setting the table with your best etc.? If that is the problem, why not suggest a simple supper either at the kitchen table if you have one, or sat on the sofa. A bowl of chilli and rice with some tortilla chips in a dish to help yourself to maybe?

I'd be wanting to know exactly why he's so against it. It's not as though it's every week or even every month.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 30-Dec-15 17:45:11

I would either meet them outside, or tell him to go see his mum or something.

Imustgodowntotheseaagain Wed 30-Dec-15 17:56:11

Is it the 'dinner party' that bothers him? Perhaps he'd be happier with a barbecue or something more informal?

Fairenuff Wed 30-Dec-15 18:02:41

He knows I will be honest about this; that's why he will be uncomfortable

So don't be honest. Make up an excuse as to why he's not there.

Dipankrispaneven Wed 30-Dec-15 18:11:25

Can you compromise by taking them to a restaurant? It sounds like he might be happier with that.

StellaAlpina Wed 30-Dec-15 18:17:42

Just tell your friends he is working late/visiting his sick mother etc.

I wouldn't like it if DH said I couldn't invite people to my own home.

Enjolrass Wed 30-Dec-15 18:18:27

A compromise is needed.

Maybe have then round for drinks and a few snacks rather than dinner at first.

Or go out.

I have never had a birthday party or anything like that as I hate being a host. I find it very uncomfortable. I am not overly keen on having people in the house at all to be honest. Apart from dh and the kids.

But we get round it by going out or having a BBQ in the summer. No idea why, I feel better with that, but I do.

I would try and discuss a way you can both be happy.

Gottagetmoving Wed 30-Dec-15 19:13:41

My partner would hate having anyone apart from family round for dinner. He could do without family too probably.
I wouldn't inflict it on him because he would he really uncomfortable. He isn't being unreasonable,...he just can't do it.
It's possible to socialise without having dinner guests.

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