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to be upset about New Year's Eve?

(106 Posts)
ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 14:58:37

The last couple of years I've been to a friend's house party on New Year's Eve (I'm a single mum and haven't had the kids with me). She's always had a few families with their children (who go off and entertain themselves). Clearly it's her prerogative to invite who she wants but it's been quite awkward when other people have asked me if I'm going and I've had to say I'm not invited.

I asked her if she was having a party this year and she said that they were having a smaller party, so obviously I'm not invited.

I've been asking around a few people to see what's on as I'd rather not stay in for the whole night (kids are 12 and 7 and so don't do much together). I've been asking about pubs etc.

Another friend said they were having a few friends and invited me to theirs and then phoned to say it wasn't possible as I had the kids (her kids are a similar age to mine, but fine her choice).

I do have a partner but he lives over 4 hours away and with both our contact patterns with the kids we're just not able to see each other over Christmas which is a little upsetting (which my friends know).

So AIBU to be a bit upset about this? I know it's their choice but I don't even know why I'm not invited. I don't know whether to ask (after the event) if I've done something to offend her.

This has caused me stupid amounts of sleeplessness exacerbated by PMT and a general anxiety due to various pressures of being a single mum. It's rare to get invitations or get people to come and socialise with me because most people do things as families and a single women with or without kids just doesn't fit in.

madmotherof2 Tue 29-Dec-15 15:01:39

Could you have your own New Years party with your children? Play games, have crap food and stay up till midnight?

Morecheesegrommet Tue 29-Dec-15 15:05:58

Do you ever invite her round to yours for a meal or party?
If you don't, maybe she is fed up of inviting people round who do not return the invitation.

RudeElf Tue 29-Dec-15 15:07:56

Yes you could have a party at yours.

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:08:49

She comes round for meals but not parties - somehow organising as a single person never felt that appealing sad

Moonriver1 Tue 29-Dec-15 15:12:14

There really could be so many reasons you were not invited this year:

She fancied a change of guests
They wanted to downscale due to faff and money (from experience, it takes a lot of time and money to throw even a fairly bog standard NYE knees up)
She's tired of hosting you without it being reciprocated
She doesn't particularly want you there

None of these are terrible reasons if you think about it. Even if she's not crazy about you, so what, we can't expect everyone to like us as much as we like them. And as you said she's not obligated to invite you.

Definitely make it a really fun night with the kids - films, takeaway, popcorn, music, games.

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:12:18

I can't organise a party this year as all
My friends are having their own or at each other's parties (or away). I did think of that!

I could put films and crap good but the eldest would just go to her room and read / listen to music so wanted to be sociable. She gets on really well with my friends oldest child which is why it would have been nice to be there.

I have decided I need to make more of an effort in the new year but I've found that couples often don't want to come. Actually I have hosted a party for the wives.

Cabrinha Tue 29-Dec-15 15:13:38

You know that LOADS of people do fuck all on NYE and go to bed at 22:00, right?

Don't feel you're alone in having no plans.

You're blaming things on being single / having kids but sometimes it's just better to forget the pity party and realise that not everyone is out having glitzy evenings, and not everything is because you're a single parent.

Sod not organising things because you're a single parent. What, you need to have a man to have a life?

Why not text round to other friends and see who is free?

Or just have a quiet one and plan to get in early with your own party next year?

Morecheesegrommet Tue 29-Dec-15 15:13:49

Oh well - I would just take it at face value that she is having a smaller party this year.
We use to throw a big annual party - the numbers grew every year and it became so well established that people seemed to think it was their right to get an invite. In the end, one year the house got damaged by our so called guests, so we the following year we only invited a few friends. So it might be the same thing? Just tired of massive party?

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:14:38

Thing is she's probably one of the closest friends I have so if she doesn't like me what hope do I have!!

lizzydrippingsghost Tue 29-Dec-15 15:19:55

what are you like when youv'e had a drink. it does seem strange that shes having a party, tells you about it but does n't invite you and the other one univites you.
did you throw up over the carpet or got really loud and embarrassing

RudeElf Tue 29-Dec-15 15:21:07

Ok, it is very easy to adopt a "poor me, i'm a single parent" mentality, especially when you have friends who make the extra effort to include you in things and help you out because you are on your own. But i have found it doesnt help you in the long run and you actually need to stop thinking this way and just get on and do things. Yes you are a single parent, but it doesnt define you. It is refers to your relationship status, not your life status. You are still capable of arranging parties and organising your own social life rather than always expecting others to include you in theirs. Maybe its too late for this year but you can still do something on new ears eve. Are there any fireworks near you? Take the Dc along. One year exp and I spent new years in the back garden with mugs of tea watching everyone else's fireworks. It was so nice. Most years i am in bed before midnight. None of my friends have parties so it never something i came to expect.

Morecheesegrommet Tue 29-Dec-15 15:21:19

Is there a clash with the kids? That could change the dynamic?

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:21:49

Fair enough I'll stop feeling sorry for myself! I try not to but it's been a tough few months (family illness, imposing redundancy, ...)

I wouldn't host an opposing party next year as we have the same group of friends. Maybe in the summer though smile

I didn't have the girls Christmas this year and the alternative family Christmas was slightly rained off so wanted to make new year a bit special - don't think there's anything wrong with that!

Happy New Year to all of you whether you're out or have a quiet night in wink

Moonriver1 Tue 29-Dec-15 15:22:08

Then if she is a close friend, it's unlikely to be that she doesn't like you. However you might regard her as a close friend, whereas she regards you as a friend.

Honestly though, we used to host NY parties every year but just decided not to last two years as it takes 2 days to clean and shop and about £3/400 onbooze and nibbles so we just decided to go to friends abroad this year. We have actually had a few disappointed comments but nothing actually critical - to our faces anyway!

Please don't ask your friend again why you are not invited will you? It's not fair, people are allowed to not invite you. Sorry you are upset.

Moonriver1 Tue 29-Dec-15 15:24:28

(just to clarify last year we had more of a dinner party for a small group rather than a big party, this year we are going abroad)

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:24:34

Oh and don't drink lots, not too loud, definitely don't throw up. It could be about the kids but if so id rather just know - but my daughter went to town with my friend and her son a couple of weeks ago (and he's been out with us)

I do organise things, have meals st my house etc. I'll just have to try harder smile

ImperialBlether Tue 29-Dec-15 15:24:40

RudeElf, I'm not sure whether you are/have been a single parent but it really is different when it comes to invitations to parties. It's really not uncommon for single parents to be left out. I've witnessed this many, many times.

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:26:34

I've not asked and do take booze!

Ok - I just wondered if I'd offended her.

ninja Tue 29-Dec-15 15:29:24

Thanks imperial - unfortunately most single parents have experienced that sad

VinoTime Tue 29-Dec-15 15:29:49

I've never understood the commotion around NYE, but then I hardly drink, don't really enjoy 'nights out' and prefer things quiet grin

I'm a single parent as well OP. I usually have 3 options for NYE - go to a friends house, go to my parents house and spend it with family or spend the night at mine with just me and DD (8).

Have done all 3 in the past. This year we're going to my folks'. We'll stay in, play board games, have a few drinks and see in the bells. Nothing spectacular. Honestly, I'd rather spend the night in my own house cuddled up with DD on the sofa, watching movies and eating take out, boring sod that I am.

I suspect your friend just wants a small, less expensive night in this year. Maybe they've stretched themselves a bit thin over Christmas and can't afford to host anything too big or maybe they're just wanting things quieter this year. I doubt very much it's anything to do with you personally.

Can you throw a party at home with you and the DC's? Play boards games, dance around the living room to music, order a takeaway, maybe buy some sparklers for outside? Then you can all get up fresh faced New Years Day and go for a walk in the woods or something?

thelaundryfairy Tue 29-Dec-15 15:30:50

Arrange to go out with your family - cinema or dinner or walk around town to see Christmas lights then a café for hot chocolate afterwards, fireworks if there is a suitable display near you.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Tue 29-Dec-15 15:31:18

We stopped doing our NYE party when it became expected and instead of waiting for an invite, people would assume we were having a party, and assume they were invited.

The majority of those people, though they didn't behave atrociously, very rarely returned the invite, quite happily turned up empty handed, stuffed themselves, drank themselves silly, let their kids run wild all over the furniture and some of them outstayed their welcome to lunchtime the next day and beyond.

It does seem like you expected she'd have a party and expected you'd be invited. I really wouldn't mention it again to her if I were you.

Maybe she's feeling a bit taken for granted this year so has scaled right back, which is exactly what we did.

Maybe next year it's your turn to host?

RudeElf Tue 29-Dec-15 15:32:20

Yes single parent 10 years now.

RudeElf Tue 29-Dec-15 15:33:04

I was posting from experience.

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