Why would someone replace my loo brush with a new one?

[FlameProofBoots]

I 'hosted' Christmas this year which actually meant my mother an sister used my (larger) house to host the day. They did all the cooking and my mother did lots of bits of cleaning on Christmas Eve while they were prepping the food, to 'bring it up to standard'. She deep cleaned the inside of my fridge and I assume cleaned the downstairs loo as she was in there for ages.

Anyway, I assume she found my loo brush lacking as she has swapped my green (which matches the decor) one for a nasty cheap plastic black one. And hasn't said a word to me about it.

I had specifically cleaned the whole house before their arrival and said to my mum not to do any cleaning because me and dh find it upsetting.

I absolutely promise we do not live in squalor. It's just that my mum has ridiculous standards. I can't imagine how the loo could have been any cleaner than how I'd left it though.

What's pissed me off the most though is that she must have planned to chuck my loo brush, hence bringing a new one with her. My loo brush was barely used as I prefer to use a cloth, dh prefers a brush though. It was only a couple of months old.

AIBU to be incredibly upset and offended by this? I'm mortified actually and need to bring it up with her but she will just turn it around on me and say the old one was minging and I'm a slattern.

[Clare1971]

Your mum can have my house next year - it could do with a really good clean. Seriously - let it go - she's never going to change and life's too short to lose sleep over a loo brush.

[CaoNiMao]

Perhaps she used it to rid the bowl of a particularly robust offering, and found the bristles caked in it, so had no choice?

[backwardpossom]

AIBU to be incredibly upset and offended by this?

Yes. It's a loo brush.

[KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes]

I'd be fuming.

My loo brush is in a bright pink spherical holder. It's a thing of beauty. I'd be most upset if it was stolen away from me.

I don't think that black is a good colour for a bathroom accessory. Unless you're Morticia Addams, maybe.

[FlameProofBoots]

But she must have planned it, as she replaced it. And hasn't mentioned it. It's just weird.

[FlameProofBoots]

Mine was similarly beautiful, it was a teal one and matched the bin, towels and pictures etc. The black one is a cheap and nasty plastic thing.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Don't let them us your house again.
Tell her why when she asks.
Get yourself a new colour co-ordinated loo brush and take the cheap one round to your mums. Thank her but tell her your standards of loo brush are far higher than the cheap crap she left in your bathroom.
Job done!

[TheSpottedZebra]

She'd likely prejudged you as being a slattern, so came forearmed with new loo brush.

That's pretty offensive, poor you. My mum is a master at passive aggressive swipes, but luckily she's not obsessive about cleaning (nor am I! ), so she'd not do this.

[hellsbellsmelons]

use

[catfordbetty]

I had specifically cleaned the whole house before their arrival and said to my mum not to do any cleaning because me and dh find it upsetting

Next time, don't clean first if your mum's going to do it anyway. You may feel less upset that way.

[BreconBeBuggered]

You need to know how the old one was disposed of, for your own peace of mind. If there is a brush lurking somewhere caked in stubborn bristly shit, you won't want to come across it accidentally.

YANBU to feel offended, though. MIL is of a similar disposition and when we moved within a few miles of her house it took ages to convince her that bringing my perfectly sanitary house up to her impossibly-gleaming standard wasn't something I welcomed.

[MrsGentlyBenevolent]

I don't think you're unreasonable OP. It's not about the loo brush, but the fact she came to your house with intent of chuck out your toilet brush is rude in itself. My mil pulls similar stunts - my house is absolutely fine, but she begs to clean everytime she comes around. It's not actually about cleaning with her, it's about controlling our space. I think parents forget boundaries with their adult children, sometimes you need to be firm in putting your foot down and sying 'I appriciate your help - however respect my home in the same way you expected me to when I was living at your home, don't throw my things out without permission again'.

[BigChocFrenzy]

Brecon It may have been wrapped to be regifted

[DistanceCall]

The point is not whether it was "just" a loo brush. The point is that your mother is incredibly intrusive. Cleaning your home to "bring it up to standard"? It's your home, and you had been kind enough to offer it to host your family dinner. As they say, your home, your rules.

I think the point here is that you need to establish stronger (much stronger) boundaries with your mother. She does not get to come to your home and clean if unasked, and she certainly does not get to throw away and replace your stuff without your permission! You are an adult now, and she needs to understand that.

So yes, I would do as a PP poster says, take the new loo back to her home, and tell your mother that she will never be invited back to your home unless she can respect that it's YOUR home and behave accordingly.

[HappyIdiot]

my mum does things like this. I am perfectly capable of cleaning my house, yet she feels the need to start scrubbing and rearranging things as soon as she arrives. drives me mad.
she has been a lot better since I ended up shouting at her on the morning of SIL's wedding. SIL was marrying DH's best friend. DH was best man. Groom was staying with us the night before. we were all running round like mad things trying to get ready. DM was there to look after DD. So she decided that was the perfect time to start pulling out the lounge furniture to give it a "proper" clean. I told her in no uncertain terms that it could wait forever

its not so much about the loo brush, although that is irritating. its the judging and controlling. pull her up on it.

[ulasesra]

ok, you're right, but let it go :)

mums are like this and you can't really change them..

[ADishBestEatenCold]

Ask her about it.

[JessieMcJessie]

ulasesra mums are like this and you can't really change them

Er, no they are not.

My MIL's house was so dusty over Christmas that I spent 4 days sneezing and my own mother, God rest her soul, was no close friend of the hoover.

Neither would dream of cleaning my house or throwing away my things without discussing with me first. They would both also know the difference between a cheapo plastic lo brush and a nicely-co-ordinated set. My Mum would probably have commented specifically on the lovely matching teal colours and made plans to buy one for herself in the January sales.

OP, I hope you can raise this with her in a way that gets your point across but doesn't damage your relationship. Look forward to hearing how she can possibly explain.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Have you been to your mum's house? Maybe she coveted your loo brush and swapped it for hers? You should go and check.

Sounds foul though - I get the complete arse when MIL "tidies" at mine, in fact she's been asked specifically not to, as things get moved or thrown out when they shouldn't be. Silly things, sometimes, but it still gets right on my tits - like a small jar that had fish paste in it, I'd washed it and was reusing it for my own homemade version, but then she threw it out. What really gets my goat is the idea that I don't know how to throw things out - that I just leave them there, waiting for someone else to throw them out for me - no, you utter arse, if it's not been thrown out, it's because I want to fuckingwell keep it!

[MatildaTheCat]

Have you actually asked her?

Mum, where have you put my loo brush? It was new and it's gone missing.

Well I decided to replace it because it was stained/ etc

Mum, it is my house, my stuff and I don't like this. You must never do anything like that again. You have hurt my feelings.

So YANBU for feeling miffed but if you haven't had a conversation then YABU.

[FlatOnTheHill]

She obviously planned ti bring a new one. Dont be upset. Give her a call and mention it in a jokey way. See what she says.

[Penfold007]

Why don't you just ask what she has done with your teal loo brush and give her back her Morticia Adams version?

[catkind]

I like Matilda's response. Politely but in puzzled tones.
I was going to assume someone broke it, was embarrassed to say and popped down to wilkos. But sounds like they didn't leave the house?

[FlameProofBoots]

No, no one left the house, and she was on the prosecco all day so couldn't have driven to the shops anyway.

I'm tempted to go and replace hers and not say anything.

[reallybadidea]

Do it