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To not let a 4 year old win

(124 Posts)
DyslexicScientist Mon 28-Dec-15 06:05:55

Was playing a board game with s few incldung my 4 yo neice. She was getting upset that I was in the lead, aka winning. I tried to say you can't win everything just do your best. While her mum, my sister, started cheating to get ahead.

I just carried on and won. Neice got upset and I got glaring looks.

Was I bu? Should I of just let her win?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 28-Dec-15 06:08:41

Err yes. She is 4?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 28-Dec-15 06:09:22

She would have been super excited to win..sorry.

Ruthiesj Mon 28-Dec-15 06:12:32

YANBU as long as it's a game of luck. If it requires skill, I would expect an adult to make some adjustments to allow for a younger child (though not necessarily let them win).

DyslexicScientist Mon 28-Dec-15 06:14:22

Isn't 4 old enough to learn its about taking part that counts? Won't it give her a funny view of the world if she's used to winning everything by cheating and then all of a sudden she stops winning every thing.

What she should you stop cheating to let s Child win?

DyslexicScientist Mon 28-Dec-15 06:15:26

It was mostly a game of luck (dice based) and was age suitable.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 28-Dec-15 06:17:39

It's Christmas and she is 4. I wouldn't have used this as a harsh but fair learning opportunity.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 28-Dec-15 06:18:14

Especially not for a child that's not my own daughter.

You did ask.

steakpunararemediumwelldone Mon 28-Dec-15 06:30:56

YANBU. I have done the same when dd was 4 up. It is old enough to understand the chances of dice. Cheating to win is just tedious as well. Why even play the game.

maybebabybee Mon 28-Dec-15 06:32:19

Yanbu. She is perfectly old enough to understand she can't win every time. IMO.

Believeitornot Mon 28-Dec-15 06:38:47

It depends on how gleeful you were. When playing games like this with my ds I talk through the game as we play to encourage him a) to keep trying b) not to be a sore loser and c) not to be a smug winner.

He's 6

I also have a 4 year old. I'd let her win some of the time or not bother playing as she wouldn't have the patience until a bit older. A game of chance would mean little to her and would just annoy her.

I will add I am incredibly competitive - probably because I was taught as you did OP - I don't like losing at all. Some ways this is good but other ways not good.

So I am to teach my children that they can win if they try but not to get angry if they lose at something on occasion

DesertOrDessert Mon 28-Dec-15 06:38:58

Game of luck, I let the dice decide.
Where up there is skill or speed involved, I "miss" some, or make an exaggerated movement to see if they can get in there first, sometimes.

Playing frustration, which had gone on too long, I deliberately didn't take a piece I could have to get the damm thing finished.

I don't cheet, but do sometimes make bad decisions. Cheating isn't tolerated.

honeysucklejasmine Mon 28-Dec-15 06:39:09

YANBU. If its not based on skill, I see no reason to allow the child to win each time.

KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth Mon 28-Dec-15 06:39:59

I'm usually all for not letting kids win, but a 4yr old at christmas, whose mum thinks you should be letting her win? Sorry but I would have let her win under those circumstances.

maybebabybee Mon 28-Dec-15 06:52:51

Why does the mum get to decide, when everyone is playing?

What if another child were playing too, and their parent also thought said child should win?


fanjoforthemammaries7850 Mon 28-Dec-15 07:01:57

They weren't though

Fraggled Mon 28-Dec-15 07:04:40


maybebabybee Mon 28-Dec-15 07:08:03

Still don't understand why it's up to the child's mother.

Cliffdiver Mon 28-Dec-15 07:12:59

I don't save for the odd occasion when I want the game to be over quickly so I can sit on the sofa with a cup of tea let DD1 4 win, and she is a gracious winner/loser, even when playing with her peers.

Chopz Mon 28-Dec-15 07:18:22

I think its fine for you to win as long as she wins too sometimes. Winning every time would be be daft for her or yourself.

Chopz Mon 28-Dec-15 07:19:27

I really dislike a poor sport though. Is she a particularly competitive child?

GastonsPomPomWrath Mon 28-Dec-15 07:19:37

Yanbu op

Chopz Mon 28-Dec-15 07:20:10

I have 4 kids and we all loose and win constantly with no huffing

Mehitabel6 Mon 28-Dec-15 07:22:33

Of course it isn't up to the child's mother! Some parents think they can control the child's whole environment when they can't.
At 4 yrs old they are old enough to explain that there is no joy in winning if it is just because people have let you win. What would you do when you play the game with 2 4 year olds ?
It does the child no favours if they can't enjoy a game unless they win and it makes them very unpopular with their peers.
If it is a game of skill I don't play to win but I don't deliberately let them win every time. A game of chance is just that, although like Cliffdiver I may well cheat to lose if the game is going on too long. smile

sashh Mon 28-Dec-15 07:22:45

I have a weighted die, so if I'm playing a child they get that one and I use a normal one, particularly good for games where you have to get a 6 to start.

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