AIBU to think any of the ILs could bring their cards/presents over just for once!?

(9 Posts)
CFSsucks Sun 27-Dec-15 21:22:52

Me and DH both have pretty crappy families, mine aren't quite as bad as his.

I realised the other day that I don't think any of his family have ever brought their cards or presents to us. We've always had to go and pick them up. They all live in the same city, they can all get around quite easily. I don't think a single effort has been made from them at all. MIL will put a card in the post sometimes but she won't put money in so its always the same "when am I going to see you" moany text to DH (and she doesn't mean about her visiting us, its wanting to know when he is going to visit her), SIL lives closer to us than MIL but she will eventually give it to MIL to pass to us, after the event. DH's aunt and uncle are the same, they get the DCs a small present which is nice but they never ever drop it over (and we live 5 minutes away), we always have to go and get it or if we don't it ends up going to MIL (who again is further from them than we are). DH does go to pick these things up and generally does the running around but AIBU to think they could spare 5 bloody minutes to drop something off a couple of times a year? It's been 15 years and it's still us doing the running. Even the birth of our second child wasn't a good enough reason for them to visit (apart from MIL, we actually got a visit then).

If I buy someone a present, I take it to them, I'd never dream of sending them a message saying I have their present, when are they coming to get it.

theycallmemellojello Sun 27-Dec-15 21:28:55

I think handing over the presents when you see each other is pretty normal, actually. As to them expecting you to visit them and not vice versa... well, at least it gives you more control as to when you see them. It does sound like a tough relationship, but they're probably not going to change so I'd try not to give it too much head space.

CFSsucks Sun 27-Dec-15 21:41:34

No, I shouldn't. And I don't usually. It only just occurred to me this week when SIL put something in our card about hoping to see us in the new year (nearly hit the floor, haven't actually seen her for a couple of years now) and it probably meant us going to them as it's unlikely they'll make an effort.

I think I'm grumping because my family are the same. Apart from the odd couple of people, it's always me who has to do the keeping in touch/visiting/asking to come over etc etc. I feel bad for our children who ask about their family and for me who craves a close family (and has quite a large one) but isn't going to get it, although I live in hope really need to knock that hope on the head.

Stroan Sun 27-Dec-15 21:59:06

My in-laws do this - they all live in another country. If we don't visit around birthdays and Christmas, we just don't get anything. They won't post anything or order it online and have it delivered to us.

It was mildly irritating when it was just us, given that we are expected to have a card and gift with them on time every year. But now we have a baby who didn't get any gifts for Christmas. We've asked but they aren't getting anything at all as we have no plans to visit and collect gifts.

I would hand over gifts whenever it was most suitable for both parties - sometimes that means I do the running and sometimes I don't. But I always make sure people get them at least within a few days of their birthday/Christmas.

Hoolit Sun 27-Dec-15 22:02:33

I don't think its normal and neither does dh but his parents have done exactly the same for as long as I can remember.
He used to go and collect but now deliberately leaves it a few days and we get the odd chase text til he eventually goes round.

CFSsucks Sun 27-Dec-15 23:06:04

stroan, last year MIL messaged to say she had vouchers from SIL for the DCs for Christmas. They ended up being 'birthday' presents as DCs birthdays are early February and they got them so late. They just don't seem to care if anything is received remotely near the occasion it has been given for.

Hoolit yes we will get a chase text too, never a "are you in, i'll drop it off. Very frustrating.

Whatsername24 Sun 27-Dec-15 23:15:19

My in laws live a 3 hour drive away, they all moved from this area - sister in law and her family first, followed by mother in law.
Despite sister in law's in laws living in this area, and them visiting frequently, we're always the ones to have to make the three hour drive with presents/to visit.

The bloody annoying thing is, sister in law was in the area last week to pick up her in laws and drive them to her house for the Christmas holiday and she put a card through our letterbox but didn't bother to knock!! Both myself and my son were in, and there were two bags of presents for them all which she could've taken and saved my husband, her brother, 6 hours of driving and two days lost from his holiday when he goes to drop them off later this week, which is the first chance he's had. Fuck it, I'm staying home, there's always too much drama and bitching that goes on for my liking.

BackforGood Sun 27-Dec-15 23:35:07

So, how come you don't see / the dc don't see their Grandparents at all over the Christmas period, even though you all live relatively close ?

PenelopePitstops Sun 27-Dec-15 23:56:53

Driving 6 hours, have you not heard of cheques in the post?

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