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To think that people who always claim to be busy and spread themselves thinly are the most popular?

(22 Posts)
Batmania Sun 27-Dec-15 20:21:49

I know a couple of women who are always going on about how busy they are and are always too 'busy' to meet up with others often, and as a result they are super popular and given a hero's welcome when they do actually turn up to things.

I regularly meet up with a group of friends. One friend always says how busy she is, and often cancels at the last minute or can't come as she is seeing other friends/having her nails done/fancies staying home and catching up on the soaps. Everyone is always saying bless her, she's so busy, and they practically wet themselves with excitement when she does turn up.

The other woman that I know just flits around from friend to friend, disappears off the radar for weeks on end, whilst saying how busy she is, and everyone is clamouring to see her/speak to her.

On occasions when I've been a bit busy or felt a bit down and not contacted anyone for a while I've just literally been left. If I don't contact anyone then they don't contact me. I'd have no friends or no social life if I didn't make the effort.

I think I need to be more 'busy'

Squishyeyeballs Sun 27-Dec-15 20:34:47

From my experience, anyone who constantly claims they are soooo busy etc are merely creating the busyness around themselves to make them seem more popular than they actually are.

Batmania Sun 27-Dec-15 21:50:58

Everyone is taken in by it all though and treats them like royalty!

2rebecca Sun 27-Dec-15 22:03:39

Is it that they are upbeat and optimistic where as you are prone to feeling down rather than how busy they are? Perhaps they have lower expectations of their friends

manicinsomniac Sun 27-Dec-15 22:06:46

Is it not that you have your cause and effect mixed up?

To me, it seems more likely that they are popular people and therefore they are busy and spread thinly rather than that they are busy people anyway and this somehow makes them popular.

Cancelling and rescheduling is generally considered annoying not endearing so I think someone would need to be popular to start with in order to get away with it.

unimaginativename13 Sun 27-Dec-15 22:07:14

They think they are busy but can't do anything next week because they have a doctors appt at 11am Wednesday.

PunkrockerGirl Sun 27-Dec-15 22:17:17

You are right, OP.
Sooo busy? Nah, we're all busy. Some are just further up ourselves than others.
Don't engage.

theycallmemellojello Sun 27-Dec-15 22:26:12

Not sure I get you. If when you are 'busy' people don't act the same, then it's not just the 'business' is it. I'm not justifying cancelling on people, but it is possible for some people to be busier than others and hence have less time for hanging out.

Fizrim Sun 27-Dec-15 22:27:46

Noooo, some people like to feel busy so they take on/do things that make them feel busy (even if it makes others go hmm ). I can think of a couple of people like this, they love the hassle of trying to squeeze me into their diary for the week ...

On the other hand, we live away from family and often take DD out to an event at the weekend and post a photo on FB. At a recent family meetup I was a bit surprised when someone said we were always busy (we all use FB a lot to keep in touch with what everyone is doing) as it feels as if we have bags of spare time and don't do as much as everyone else!

VintageDresses Sun 27-Dec-15 22:30:44

The busiest people I know are the ones who always make the time to meet up and do favours for people. That also means they have the most interesting stories when you do meet up.

FlatOnTheHill Sun 27-Dec-15 22:36:59

Do these so called busy women turn up with a sense of 'busy importance'. If that makes sense! So then everyone makes a big fuss of them like as you say, Royalty.
If that is the case then yes, i,get what you are saying.

Batmania Sun 27-Dec-15 22:49:51

Yes FlatOnTheHill, that is exactly right! Friend that is always late/cancelling breezes in and cuts straight into the conversation about how busy she is, and everyone else listens in awe.

Vintagedresses, believe me neither of the women that I know are the type to do favours for anyone except themselves.

MI6Agent Sun 27-Dec-15 22:50:20

People always tell me I'm "busy" and "popular" (however you define that) but to me I have a lot of interests and therefore a lot of friends and people I know.

Being busy is normal for me, it's how I like it, I don't "relax" like normal people so I keep busy to relax.

I make time for family & friends - catching up on the phone, seeing them in person, helping out where I can (perhaps with childcare) and organising a group meal out to link others together who might benefit from a common interest.

My circle of friends gets wider each year - I'm involved in a sports team, I do charity work, having dd means I keep in touch with NCT ladies and BF group mums from when she was little, now it's also school parents, I run 2 Facebook pages (church and NCT), 1 Facebook group and I go to church and have a group of people I love spending time with there.

All of the people I know are important to me and if any one of them - whether I haven't spoken to them for 6 months or have only known them 2 days - if they needed me or need help/support, I'd be there or find someone to be there.

Being 'busy' could be linked to popularity but to me, being active in your friendship circle makes you a better quality friend and being reliable is far more important.

not quite sure if I answered the AIBU

BackInTheRealWorld Sun 27-Dec-15 22:55:22

I have a circle of friends that meet up very regularly. I rarely manage to join them because I have other stuff going on. I love it when I am able to catch up with them but I also love all the other stuff I have going on on other weekends.
I would hate to think that because I am too busy to join them for all their gatherings they were being snotty and bitter about me or my life?
What a strange and nasty thread. People are allowed lives outside of one group you know. And yes, they are probably more interesting for it! (That might not be true but I'm feeling defensive here!)

FlatOnTheHill Sun 27-Dec-15 23:02:53

Yep always fucking cancelling and late yet treated like Queen Bee when they turn up. I know the type.

LondonStill83 Sun 27-Dec-15 23:09:04


I think this is me.

If I can offer an alternative perspective:

I am pretty popular and people generally are drawn towards me. I don't say this with a big head or any conceit, it's just true.

Unfortunately, for me, when I go out I feel a lot if pressure to be "on" and to bring life to a party and to fill the role people expect of me. Does that make any sense at all? People expect me to be funny and have crazy stories and be a bit scatty and whatever and tend to ask me what's wrong, tell me I'm not myself, be generally disappointed when I don't.

Unfortunately I suffer from bad anxiety and depression, and aside from a select few people who give me space to be me, I tend to cancel during those times and say I am busy...

Then a week or so later turn up again and blab on about how busy I have been to explain away absence...

It may seem like a treat but for "those" people the external pressure to entertain and be on all the time is immense...

LondonStill83 Sun 27-Dec-15 23:11:24

Also, part of "being popular" is lots of people pulling you in different directions. I often commit with the best of intentions and end up either sick because I have run myself into the ground, and canceling, or canceling because I am just too exhausted to go out and play happy...

I used to agree more and let more people down; as I have ages I have pared my friendship circles down and realised my own boundaries more, so this doesn't happen as often

2rebecca Sun 27-Dec-15 23:12:20

If you don't like them then why bother with them? I don't see the need for bitchiness. If they were that awful no one would bother with them including you

FlatOnTheHill Sun 27-Dec-15 23:20:58

I get exactly what you are saying about yourself.
I think the OP is talking about people she knows. Plus me saying about people I know. Everyone is different. Plus I am sure if OP or myself had a friend with depression or anxiety then we would not be referring to them at all about being busy/late/cancelling.
Trust that makes sense.

LondonStill83 Sun 27-Dec-15 23:32:26

Total sense and yes, I do think so. Sometimes people act haughty and then people treat them as if they are superior. I think that's what Op is getting at- like they are rewarded for bad behavior

TheoriginalLEM Sun 27-Dec-15 23:36:23

you are so right! i know people who are the life and soul and they tend to be (not always) pretty superficial. They can be because they don't have to try .

xmasseason Mon 28-Dec-15 01:12:09

I don't like competitive busy-ness. It's just boasting and would put me off someone. So while these types might be more popular with some people, we're not all looking for the same things in a friend. It wouldn't bother me if a friend wasn't busy at all, as long as we got on well.

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