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Who is BU?

(13 Posts)
CorsaKan Sun 27-Dec-15 16:20:25

My two siblings and my step father live an hour away from me . My mum has passed.

My older sibling has been over to visit me once in 6 years . My father has been over to visit me three times in 6years .

My younger sibling has been over to visit occasionally when we are going to do something for the day.

I have two young children . My older sibling has one teen and my younger sibling doesn't have children.

All of us drive and all of us work .

I used to drive over to visit my family every other weekend until I got fed up .

It's always me facilitating the exchange of birthday / Christmas gifts by me driving over to them .

Three days before Christmas I received a text off each of them asking when I was travelling over .

I was working up until Christmas and my DC had various activities . All 3 of my relatives had finished for the period .

I offered to meet them at a point halfway to exchange gifts or as they were finished work , they could come to collect them . They declined both as the traffic is too busy / they have stuff to do .

My older sibling called me to give me 1.5hrs notice to meet them 15 minutes away on a day when DH was working , I was going out at a specific time and I had the two DC to bath and dress . I declined on the basis I would not be ready on time .

I did offer to meet them nearer to their way on a later date but they declined.

My father is now asking me to drive over for an hour tomorrow as my younger sibling is watching my nephew .

The problem is I much prefer going to my elder siblings house as my nephew has toys there and my DC will play for hours with nephew .

When they go to my fathers they are whining within 15 minutes to say they are bored .

My father has told me to to just take some toys . I know my DC and this will not keep them entertained for long.

My father also isn't keen on children so the whole thing is stressful for me - probably irrationally so.

I asked if he would meet me at the local soft play down the road from him so my DC and nephew can play and he said no, he wants to stay in .

I just don't see the point in driving for nearly two hours round trip to sit in their house for less than an hour when my DC are bored .

I'm not sure if the fact they won't compromise is getting my back up and making me be awkward about it ? This happens every birthday / Christmas . angry


SevenSeconds Sun 27-Dec-15 16:24:28


winkywinkola Sun 27-Dec-15 16:32:57


Keep it up.

You've done too much for too long.

Be polite but firm.

Stop trying so hard.

CorsaKan Sun 27-Dec-15 16:41:30

I feel like I'm being awkward because their suggestion of taking some toys over is so reasonable .

And my refusal to do it seems so awkward .

But in reality , I know my toddler especially will be fed up in 10 minutes flat .

CorsaKan Sun 27-Dec-15 17:08:11

flowers for the replies .

My father has text me asking why I'm being so awkward angry

antimatter Sun 27-Dec-15 17:11:38

I think I would just post gifts and text them that I did so inviting them to come to see you when they are free.

CorsaKan Sun 27-Dec-15 17:14:14

anti I've done that - offered to post & for them to let me know when they are free , but they've said I'm being awkward .

antimatter Sun 27-Dec-15 17:14:47

or just go there yourself and spend 15 min exchanging gifts and leave your kids behind

CorsaKan Sun 27-Dec-15 17:21:07

I can't leave the kids behind as my DH is working away sad

And I'm even less reluctant to do a two hour drive for 15 minutes grin

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal Sun 27-Dec-15 18:44:33

Why can't you just tell them you aren't willing to drive for that long in order to spend an hour with them, and frankly, it would be nice if they made the effort to bloody well come to you once in a while.

winkywinkola Sun 27-Dec-15 20:56:41

They say you're being awkward. And?

Do you think you're being awkward?

It doesn't sound like you're being at at awkward to me.

They sound awkward. Very awkward.

Stop bothering about what they think.

CFSsucks Sun 27-Dec-15 21:11:23

YANBU. I know the feeling completely. If I didn't keep up contact with most of my family, I'd never see or hear from them apart from Christmas day, it's really fucking annoying! I've stepped back and not really bothered. Result is they still haven't. They know where I am.

You aren't being awkward, they are and clearly can't be bothered to get of their arses and make an effort. I wouldn't be making an effort either.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease Sun 27-Dec-15 21:18:27


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