3 complaints about the IL's. AIBU?

[GenevaMaybe]

1. No breakfast is served on Christmas Day and you can't get in to the kitchen to grab something as it's all "get out, get out we are preparing the turkey". A platter of smoked salmon canapés arrives out at 1pm which we are not allowed to touch because they are for the neighbours. Then lunch is served at 3.30pm by which point we are all HANGRY especially my poor niece (8 years old) and nephew (10 yrs old) who are beside themselves with hunger
   
2. When I finally sit down to eat my food, I am single-handedly wrangling my 15-month old toddler at the same time so get to eat maybe 30% of it. Then I am expected to take her away to play as she "won't sit nicely at the table"
   
3. Nephew plays with an extremely loud drone helicopter thing outside my toddler's door as she's going to sleep at 7pm. I ask him to stop and his parents give me this look and tell him to enjoy his toys. Meanwhile toddler is standing in travel cot wailing to get out and see what's going on. This goes on for 35 minutes.
   
   There are many many more, including FIL hiding the good wine in glasses behind the curtain which he drinks throughout the day and then pours rubbish for everyone else. But those were the main three that I am still a bit cross about and wanted to get off my chest.
   
   AIBU? I suspect I have a very low tolerance threshold. Hell really is other people

[Industrialhelicopter]

Food- unacceptable.
Managing your own child- where was your DP? Sounds like his fault not the IlS. Being a BU- should have been sharing child with DP. Taking away from table - BU- its a family event- all welcome
Helicopter- probably YABU- its Christmas . Parents giving you look- BU

[Brytte]

That doesn't sound like fun. Can you avoid going there for Christmas in future?

[GenevaMaybe]

Ha that is a very thorough analysis helicopter. So I am a bit unreasonable but not totally!

[GenevaMaybe]

God no Brytte. It's at least every second year. Plus every Sunday!!!

[Industrialhelicopter]

To be clear- they were BU to expect you to take the child from the table. Parents were BU to give you a look.

[Sedona123]

OMG! Definitely NBU. That does all sound pretty miserable. Do your IL's usually skip breakfast when you visit? Only asking as some of my own relatives have form for extremely small portions (toddler size!) or massive gaps between meals, so if the former we do a drive through McD's on the way, for the latter I take snacks with me and put them out for DS (but for DH too really!)

I had the second thing from my MIL too. We had all finished eating, and DS was quite happily sitting at the table doing some stickers. Had to really bite my tongue on that one.

The wine thing is appalling too. If you really don't want to share your expensive wine, drink it when you don't have visitors. I really would have been tempted to say something, or take along a few bottles and open them.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Have heard of the breakfast-less start to Christmas Day practised by some, it wouldn't work for me especially if the big meal didn't get served for hours!

The wine thing sounds like bad hosting.

The ten year old had the run of the grandparents' house so I don't think you were unreasonable to ask him nicely to play elsewhere.

Yes where was DH in all this, does he revert to obedient son and not challenge any of this?

By the sound of it you see the in-laws on a regular basis so they treat you less as a guest and feel comfortable bossing you around. Perhaps you can be more vocal standing your ground.

[GenevaMaybe]

Ha yes what makes it worse is that we provided all the expensive wine! forgot to mention that.

Yes they have form for huge gaps between meals and having to be reminded to eat. I think next Christmas I will pack breakfast snacks in my bag and eat them first thing.

[MontyYouTerribleCunt]

Sounds hellish to me OP! Hotel next time? Yanbu.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Sounds horrific. Don't know how you put up with it, tbh, especially the lack of food for so long, that's outrageous! And then putting food out that you can't eat because it's not for you?! Rude.

I agree though that, assuming you have a DP which is why you're at ILs' place, HE should have flippin' well helped out. Maybe taken you all out for breakfast somewhere, or gone and got some; taken the 15mo off you so you could eat; taken the 15mo away from the table so you could finish your dinner, that kind of thing. As he didn't, he's also an arse and you should decide whether or not he's worth it.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Sounds horrific. Don't know how you put up with it, tbh, especially the lack of food for so long, that's outrageous! And then putting food out that you can't eat because it's not for you?! Rude.

I agree though that, assuming you have a DP which is why you're at ILs' place, HE should have flippin' well helped out. Maybe taken you all out for breakfast somewhere, or gone and got some; taken the 15mo off you so you could eat; taken the 15mo away from the table so you could finish your dinner, that kind of thing. As he didn't, he's also an arse and you should decide whether or not he's worth it.

[rumbleinthrjungle]

YANBU. All three come down to basic lack of consideration and empathy for anyone else. Which I can't stand and never want to be around anyone who lacks social skills and emotional maturity in this way, but having consideration for others has sadly become so old hat to many people.

Of course Dn wants to play with his toys. Does he have to play with it right outside the door of a toddler settling to sleep? Of course he doesn't, he needs explanation on why and moving by his parents. And having spent the last few Christmases juggling the toddlers between us as an extended family so that the parents actually get to eat a meal, have a drink and participate, that really isn't difficult either.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Oops! Sorry for double post.

[CalleighDoodle]

I think the problem with cooking is you nibble so may forget other people are hungry. No breakfast is ridiculous.

[MovingOnUpMovingOnOut]

The first one is awful and why I would stay at home or go elsewhere next year.

The second one is a dh problem - he should help. We used to do the "bolt and wrangle". One of us eats dinner as if in a pie eating competition while the other wrangles the child. Then once food is bolted the bolster relieves the other of the child who can then bolt down their dinner so everyone finishes at same time and gets to eat two handed. Or put the kid in a high chair. We used to have one that went in top of an ordinary chair that travelled with us.

The third one, I think ywb a bit u. You should have asked him to move somewhere else not stop.

[HesterShaw]

That does sound shit, fair play.

The breakfast thing would make me furious. Maybe if you have to go again, pointedly get some breakfast out which you have brought from home.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

God that sounds horrific.

if you won't drink the wine yourself then don't serve to guests! !!

and Wtf with the food. this is the second thread where no one was fed for hours. just rude. those poor kids must have been starving.

akd of dinner was served outside your toddlers usual routine it would have been better if he could have been allowed to eat something earlier in the quiet then could have picked at some of the lunch later on and may have been a bit easier to handle.

absolutely your dh should have stepped up here. I'm. assuming he was overtired and overwhelmed at this point and it should have been a team effort between the two of you so you could eat sone of your meal hot at least.

for you. the good stuff

[coconutpie]

YANBU. Everything you mentioned is unacceptable. I would not be going there again for Christmas, it sounds like torture.

[EatDessertFirst]

Where was your DP/DH in all of this?

He should have at least taken a turn with your toddler.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

God that sounds accusitory to you sorry.. I meant of they could have prepared something or let you prepare him something.

[ExitPursuedByABear]

No breakfast on Christmas Day - totally unacceptable - particularly for small children

Child removed from table - not very family friendly.

Hiding the best wine - deal ball breaker

Noisy children. Par for the course.

[mintoil]

YANBU in your complaints, but YABU in stating that you endure this kind of shit every Sunday, and that you are willing to put yourself and your family through it again next Christmas.

Why?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

You sound very much in FOG (fear, obligation, guilt)yourself with regards to your ILs GenevaMaybe.

What mintoil wrote as well; are you really going to return there next year too?.

What has your DH had to say about his parents behaviours here?.

Is this really what you want to teach your children about familial relations; that it is indeed ok for you all to go hungry for hours on end and be treated like serfs/second class citizens?.

[GenevaMaybe]

To give him his due, my DH did a lot of toddler stuff earlier in the day and was a bit pissed by lunchtime. He's not a hands-off dad.

Other option for Xmas is my parents who have obsessional Christmas disorder and everything has to be perfect. Which is stressful in a different way! One year we'll have them to us...just need a house big enough to put a decent table in!

[rookiemere]

YANBU.

I couldn't survive without food until 3.30pm. Well technically I could, but I wouldn't do it. I tend to get low blood sugar and need to eat every few hours, like most folks do, and as for DS well tbh he'd have just eaten all the sweeties that he got.

I'd have either walked out long before 3.30pm and/or eaten all the smoked salmon nibbles.Oh and at dinner I'd have been beyond rude if someone tried to remove me from the table when I was finally getting some calories.

Stealing the best wine - rude beyond belief, particularly as you bought it . Again though why are you letting it happen, if you knew about it then next time he was filling up his glass hold out yours and say " Oh is that the vintage Chablis dear FIL - I was so looking forward to trying it, please top up my glass. I don't think you've had a chance to taste the Blossom Hill box that you had yet, so let me know next time you're empty and I'll make sure you have a glass of that. Oh I see that the Cotes du Rhone is in that corner as well - I certainly don't want to miss out on that, such a treat for all of us at Christmas, let me move it to the centre of the table."

Re the playing and bedtime, after all that had gone on earlier I'd probably cut the other parents a break. It sounds like a hellish day for everyone and I'd maybe just have moved toddler on myself.

Here's a novel idea OP, you could just have Christmas at home without everyone and enjoy yourselves properly.