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To think you don't just invite your family to stay for months on end

(35 Posts)
rookiemere Sun 27-Dec-15 10:48:10

Just back from Christmas with relatives - twas very nice.

Opened Christmas card from abroad from other relatives which says as part of general message "you might well be forced to give X room and board. She's determined to do some post-grad work in Yourtown ".

Back story is that X lives in a country that's a reasonable distance away. She came over to visit this summer en route to somewhere else. She's a nice young adult and we enjoyed showing her round our historical town, all very enjoyable for a short visit.

But I can't recall saying that she should move in ! There were a few things that weren't a big deal for a short visit. but would definitely grate after more than a week - very messy room (even by my standards) secret eater so lots of crumbs in the bedroom and all over the bed clothes, had quite strong opinions on lots of things.

I wouldn't be quite so outraged if Xs DM who wrote the card had extended much hospitality to us or indeed my parents when they made the long journey to their country - on each occasion we stayed in a nearby motel and they didn't seem to have much time to spend with us.

Hopefully the reality is that X would much prefer to be with her peers and closer to the centre. I'm more than happy for her to come for a short while to settle in, and have family days with her but we don't want or need a long term boarder.

AIBU in thinking WTAF and hoping she's joking?

Boomingmarvellous Sun 27-Dec-15 10:51:41

I would write back pretending you have misunderstood and are welcoming X for a couple of weeks until SHE FINDS SOMEWHERE ELSE MORE SUITABLE TO LIVE.

MummaV Sun 27-Dec-15 10:51:56

No. is a full sentence. If she asks or turns up unexpectedly say No, or make it clear that she can stay for a weekend/week so she can find somewhere else to stay long term.

They are possibly making a joke or possibly making presumptions. Just say no should the issue ever arise.

ohtheholidays Sun 27-Dec-15 10:52:33

YANBU,that's nuts but I wouldn't just leave it and assume that she won't just turn up on your doorstep,I'd be ringing them now and telling them no she won't be staying with us!

rookiemere Sun 27-Dec-15 10:54:54

I'm hoping it's a joke and am not going to say anything. I was just flabbergasted by the sheer cheekiness of it.

Our next door neighbour does boarding for foreign students, so if anything transpires from it, I'll give their details and say it would be lovely to have her so close.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 27-Dec-15 10:57:07

If you are contacted, no we cannot offer her a place to live, I am afraid she will have to find somewhere to rent, here are a few local letting agencies she could try.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 27-Dec-15 10:57:46

Oh yes if you are contacted give them next door details.

Eva50 Sun 27-Dec-15 11:02:40

Definitely help her to find great board and lodgings grin

DoomGloomAndKaboom Sun 27-Dec-15 11:19:50

Quick card/note/email to X, saying you heard her news from her mum, and you'd be delighted to help her find accommodation - you can send her some links to relevant flatshare sites, she can search online and you don't mind checking out a couple of places for her, so she can move in straight away. You'll even research the direct route from the airport to her new home for her. No need for thanks, but maybe she can have you over for a cup of tea after she's settled in. No trouble at all. fwink

BluePancakes Sun 27-Dec-15 11:19:51

"you might well be forced to give X room and board..."

If it gets mentioned again, simply reply, "No, don't worry about me/us. We won't be forced to give X room and board, (s)he can find their own like every other postgrad student has to."

Inertia Sun 27-Dec-15 11:19:57

Definitely give them next door's details, and a breakdown of their charges!

How on earth were these relatives planning to force you to offer board? Gunpoint? Blackmail?

rookiemere Sun 27-Dec-15 11:22:51

I'm wondering if DF offered our services. There's a long backstory which means he is particularly close to these relations.

rollonthesummer Sun 27-Dec-15 11:23:57

Definitely give them next door's details, and a breakdown of their charges!

This
And don't be tempted to have her stay with you for a few days/weeks to see how it goes/whilst they find somewhere else. The posts i have read on here by people trying to get rid of relatives who are eating them out of home and won't leave are not funny!

rollonthesummer Sun 27-Dec-15 11:24:45

Are you in Cambridge/Oxford -why you?!

Not nice of your dad!

APlaceOnTheCouch Sun 27-Dec-15 11:26:05

Possibly your DF did offer your house and the relative is trying to let you down gently by saying 'you might be forced to. . .' because I'd read that as they were looking at your 'offer' as a very last resort but didn't want to completely ignore it or appear rude by not acknowledging it iyswim

Blueandwhitelover Sun 27-Dec-15 11:26:16

Do you even have room? What a cheek!

rookiemere Sun 27-Dec-15 11:27:01

Hi Rollon not there but similar expensive to live in popular destination.

Ineedtimeoff Sun 27-Dec-15 11:27:35

Are you sure the young person even wants to stay with you? This would have been the type of card my mum would have written but in reality I would have already made my own plans/have my own ideas about where to go.

AndNowItsSeven Sun 27-Dec-15 11:30:26

Secret eater? Since when did all eating need to be observed by others?

TheOriginalMerylStrop Sun 27-Dec-15 11:32:28

"you might well be forced to give X room and board..."

It's a joke/cheery comment! X's mum is paying you a compliment - her daughter enjoyed her visit, likes where you live. Don't take it remotely seriously.

HortonWho Sun 27-Dec-15 11:45:01

If you say nothing, you're agreeing. And she will not have budgeted to pay for room&aboard, mistakenly thinking she's staying with family. Send an email thanking them for the card and letting them know she cannot stay with you.

It's not a joke - they're slyly confirming you've been strong armed into it and it's ok.

antimatter Sun 27-Dec-15 11:54:39

Obviously for free! What a cheek.

Arfarfanarf Sun 27-Dec-15 11:56:14

I agree with that, Horton. Best to reply, I think. Telling them clearly that staying is not going to happen and telling them where to find student accommodation.

rollonthesummer Sun 27-Dec-15 12:07:37

It's a joke/cheery comment! X's mum is paying you a compliment - her daughter enjoyed her visit, likes where you live. Don't take it remotely seriously.

I wouldn't agree but we don't know the relative.

I wouldn't ignore it-definitely reply and decline!!

antimatter Sun 27-Dec-15 12:09:32

Do it asap befor they make any payments for the course and start terrorising you with their financial hardship!

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