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To be annoyed that ExH has basically made no effort for the DC's for Christmas?

(10 Posts)
Ciabattavonbreadsticks Sat 26-Dec-15 23:58:22

ExH was never a good father, part of the reason he is an ex but this year he has really taken the biscuit.

He lives some distance away and informed us that he wouldn't be seeing the DC's over Christmas due to work commitments. I wasn't particularly happy but I can't force him to see them.

I thought that given this fact he would at least make an effort to make sure they had a gift to open from him on Christmas Day. Nope. They got a card each, written by his girlfriend (he signed his name but that was it) and he's put £100 in my account for both of them for me to buy presents for them.

Considering he has never paid a penny in maintainance for them I'm surprised he's even done that but that's not the bloody point. They don't want cash for me to buy them random presents, they want a gift that their dad has taken the time to pick for them.

I'm not going to buy extra presents with it I'm just going to put it into their bank accounts and save it but Aibu to be annoyed that he has made no effort for them at all? I'm not surprised but I am really disappointed for them sad

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 27-Dec-15 00:12:24

Clearly he's a tosser. However, getting money for presents needn't be an issue for them. DD loves getting money for birthdays and Christmas. If they could choose what to spend it on, rather than you deciding to save it (which smacks of making a shit gift even shitter) they might enjoy choosing some things for themselves. Age dependent of course.

glueandstick Sun 27-Dec-15 00:12:45

Don't let it get to you. My absent father used to send cards signed by his company secretary with company cheques. My parents never said anything bad about him and I was able to form my own opinion. Let's just say I have no contact what so ever. They'll grow up knowing his true colours and respect you for the love and attention you gave them. You have every right to be annoyed but it is wasted effort as it'll never change. (Or it might, I may be being unfair on him. That's just my experience)

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 27-Dec-15 00:35:24

Wow he's working over Christmas and sent then £100 to share. What a fucking cunt he needs to be hung

Ciabattavonbreadsticks Sun 27-Dec-15 00:41:27

Unfortunately, as one dc is disabled they aren't capable of choosing what they want with the money so I thought it would be better to save it maybe for a bigger purchase later on.

Other dc is adament that they are saving their pocket money for a racing car so probably wouldn't benefit much from the money either :D

I just hoped that considering ExH isn't seeing them over Christmas he would make an effort to send them something but sending the money just says to me 'I couldn't be arsed'.

maddening Sun 27-Dec-15 00:43:18

Doesn't pay maintenance- cunt
Can't be arsed to choose a gift - cunt

NeedsAsockamnesty Sun 27-Dec-15 00:50:10

I'm with you in the CM totally with you,but you do have the facility available to you to rectify that.

But I'm not sure you can criticise someone for sending cash. or living far away and having to work

Ciabattavonbreadsticks Sun 27-Dec-15 01:10:43

I wouldn't have an issue with him living far away if he didn't have a choice but he did, he purposely moved to the other end of the country to get away from me when we split (he told me this!) so I have no sympathy for him living far away. He also has a partner who drives, doesn't work and is happy to give him lifts so he could make an effort if he wanted to but he cba.

Mmmmcake123 Sun 27-Dec-15 01:18:54

In the nicest way, I think you should be pleased he CBA. I may be completely wrong but I just think it's a cleaner break for dc. Part time half assed parenting will be a lot harder for them to understand when older.
If he CBA taking a trip to see dc at xmas then he generally cba. Don't try to make it a better relationship than it is, that's not your job it's his and as they get older they will understand.

Ciabattavonbreadsticks Sun 27-Dec-15 09:36:06

To be honest he could never really be arsed for them, despite the fact that he used to be a SAHD and was there for them every single day, then the day we spilt he disappeared out of their lives for 6 months. They didn't understand and were very upset.

Now they get sporadic visits, by the next time the see him it will have been 2 months since he bothered and the only reason he's coming to see them then is because its dc1's birthday, which he'll either send some huge, difficult to store, 'look how much money I can spend on you' present, or will just send money through the Internet. It's either a huge show or no effort at all.

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