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to think that people see loneliness as an old peoples problrm

(60 Posts)
TartanBirdFeeder Sat 26-Dec-15 17:18:12

I'm watching the itv programme about people who are lonely, it's awful that so many old people are lonely but there is little recognition or provision for the middle aged lonely who have nobody other than their children and are largely housebound due to lack of cash and confidence. People should stop to think of the invisible lonely who have nothing.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sat 26-Dec-15 17:21:04

I've been lonely.

Was when DS was born and ExH moved us away from friends and family.

It was horrific. It eats you up. I'd lie awake at night terrified that my life would always be this way.

I was 22.

winterswan Sat 26-Dec-15 17:23:17

The loneliest I've ever been was late teens/early twenties.

Maybe there's the hope then things will get better?

TowerRavenSeven Sat 26-Dec-15 17:24:21

I found my loneliness was tied to anxiety. Now that I'm taking meds for anxiety I rarely feel lonely even when alone. But I understand for sure.

baublesbells Sat 26-Dec-15 17:25:31

People should stop to think of the invisible lonely who have nothing

Stopping to think isn't much help hmm

formerbabe Sat 26-Dec-15 17:26:28

I felt most lonely in my early twenties.

I lived alone, was single, no family living close by.

It was only a very brief period of my life but I often think that loneliness is not just something which affects the elderly.

TartanBirdFeeder Sat 26-Dec-15 17:27:36

Stopping to think is maybe a start though? I think that most people don't even do that.

SisterMoonshine Sat 26-Dec-15 17:31:11

yanbu
I noticed that on the thread about xmas cards and donating to charity instead: there was a comment or 2 that people who didn't send them ordinarily did send them to elderly relatives. It was an assumption that loneliness only affects the elderly.

Danglyweed Sat 26-Dec-15 17:31:20

Im late twenties, married, mother of 4, dont ever get a minute to myself, but I would say im lonely.

SurferJet Sat 26-Dec-15 17:36:58

It's different when you're young though isn't it, you've got hope that things will get better ( & they usually do )
Being old & lonely ( & I'd consider you 'old' if you're 70 + ) is so much harder. You haven't got the confidence of youth, or the hope that things will change much. Plus it's the reality of knowing your life has come to this?
Younger people can turn things around.
An 80 year old can't.
So YABU. ( but I feel very sad for anyone who feels lonely - & to any mumsnetter who is feeling lonely, especially at this time of year, here's some flowers and a wish that things will improve for you in 2016.

TartanBirdFeeder Sat 26-Dec-15 17:43:42

I think you can have the same lack of hope in middle age as in your pension years.

kittypaws Sat 26-Dec-15 18:42:03

im the same with others on here, my early twenties i was the lonely, even now i would consider myself lonely

Destinysdaughter Sat 26-Dec-15 18:45:13

I agree. I spent Xmas day completely on my own. It sucks.

AtSea1979 Sat 26-Dec-15 18:47:32

I'm mid 30s, I'm lonely. Due to DC and being single parent I don't seem to get chance to socialise with adults much so once kids in bed the evenings can be lonely.

SisterMoonshine Sat 26-Dec-15 18:47:38

My loneliest time was early 20s too.

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 26-Dec-15 18:59:14

I agree. In my twenties I had no family, and after 3 Christmases alone I thought, never again....I used to invite other single friends together. Then when I married and had DS I thought wow, a family Christmas every year, full of warmth and live.

My ex left two years ago and I've been alone for two days now. My DS went to his dad's this year.

Not one person thought on me. Not one....

I'd never leave anyone alone on Christmas Day if I knew they had no one. Even to pop in on the pretext of a card or to borrow a tea bag.

I'm a very kind and generous person to a fault. I go out of my way to help others. But when it came to it, no one felt the same about me.

I felt a lot of pain today and yesterday. It's almost palpable.

I feel for all lonely people. Of all ages and circumstances.

BlueJug Sat 26-Dec-15 19:07:22

No one is saying loneliness only affects the old. They are starting from the point of view of the old and looking at the problems that tend to affect them.
A large proportion of elderly suffer from loneliness, financial hardship, arthritis, mobility problems, memory loss. No-one is saying that they are the ONLY people who suffer. All these things can and do affect anyone.

BlueJug Sat 26-Dec-15 19:11:46

Also, I think that the type of loneliness that an elderly person suffers is not the same as the loneliness of a younger, fitter person.

If you are housebound, in pain, declining body,(eyesight, hearing, memory), can't drive, not good with technology, not much money, poor health - and not the sort of person anyone is likely to have much interest in - it really is hard.

TartanBirdFeeder Sat 26-Dec-15 19:14:54

That's the key thing BlueJug, anybody can be the sort of person that people are not likely to be interested in. There are people, sadly, who have experienced that and people don't care about alleviating their loneliness so charities exist to help but they are typically for old people.

WongTobyWong Sat 26-Dec-15 19:16:59

Wally I am so sorry you've had such a crappy time. I do hope things get better for you.

TartanBirdFeeder Sat 26-Dec-15 19:19:32

Wally thankswine

WallyBantersJunkBox Sat 26-Dec-15 19:30:44

Thank you. I will get through, my boy comes tomorrow and I have 730 days to plan for the next one grin

saltlakecity Sat 26-Dec-15 19:48:36

I'm lonely. I'm in my 30s.

TartanBirdFeeder Sat 26-Dec-15 20:58:13

Saltlakecity, if loneliness wasn't so sad I'd confess to a wry smile at the thought of somebody from Salt Lake City being lonely. I'll get my coat.

ArcticCactus Sat 26-Dec-15 21:05:13

I'm lonely. Late 30s, on mat leave in a country where I know no one. None of my uk friends keep in touch. I rarely see my family.
I'm very introverted and not good at making friends, plus the culture here is very 'closed.' I have tried but just get rebuffed.
I can honestly see me living the rest of my life here with not a single friend.

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