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To think DB is being a bit cheeky and stingy?

(37 Posts)
YodellingForJesus Sat 26-Dec-15 15:12:22

Just got a text from him asking if I can go halves on the cost of a family dinner he is preparing for 12 of us extended family tomorrow. Me and my family (four of us) are travelling over 100 miles to our home town, paying for hotel room and a petsitter so we can all be together for the day. We are also bringing nice booze and a load of posh cheese, so all in all it's costing us quite a bit of effort and £££ to visit. Surely he can cough up for the cost of the main course as his contribution? (our mum is providing pudding and veg stuff from her larder). I have said yes, but am tempted to deduct cost of cheese and booze if he is going be like that. Am I being a grinch, or is he being a bit stingy? He earns a good wage so it's not like he is hard up. I can afford to chip in okay, but the fact he has asked has left a bit of a sour taste to be honest. Bah!

GabiSolis Sat 26-Dec-15 15:14:50

What is the amount he is asking you for? YANBU but I would want to know figures.

Corygal Sat 26-Dec-15 15:14:53

YANBU. But Xmas is expensive, and he may be quailing at the thought of feeding so many people. Tell him not to go nuts spending at the supermarket and offer him 20 quid.

Potatoface2 Sat 26-Dec-15 15:16:55

just say 'i will give you half if you give me half for the things im bringing and give mum half for what she is providing'...hes a tight wad...its not as if you are even staying with him!

BreakfastLunchPasta Sat 26-Dec-15 15:17:16

Yanbu. What's he cooking?

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf Sat 26-Dec-15 15:17:35

If there was an issue with cost, it should have been discussed far in advance with costs split between youy all. If you're bringing booze and cheese (other personal costs aren't really relevant) mum is bringing veg and pudding, what exactly is her left paying for? And why is he asking you for half rather than ask everyone for a tenner?

pinkyredrose Sat 26-Dec-15 15:19:31

Say yes to his kind offer to share costs and then work out his half of everything you're bringing. He'll probably end up owing you!

YodellingForJesus Sat 26-Dec-15 15:19:44

Who knows? He was after a whole salmon, but there are none to be found apparently. Hope he doesn't treat us all to a lobster each instead.

Arfarfanarf Sat 26-Dec-15 15:20:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YodellingForJesus Sat 26-Dec-15 15:25:08

I will do that I think, arfarf. He might end up owing me then grin

Chilledmonkeybrains Sat 26-Dec-15 15:27:30

Why half and not a third? Def deduct the cost of your cheese and booze.

YodellingForJesus Sat 26-Dec-15 15:36:03

not sure why we are expected to pay half. My guess is because sister and partner are flying over so they will be spending a lot, which just leaves our parents. I don't think he'd dare ask them after all the favours they have done him over the years!

Arfarfanarf Sat 26-Dec-15 15:36:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Duckdeamon Sat 26-Dec-15 15:38:27

Why did you say yes?

YodellingForJesus Sat 26-Dec-15 15:46:18

To keep the peace I suppose... I don't really want to fall out over money at Christmas. I will chip in minus the cost of the cheese and drink.

Haha arf, that could be it. Very cunning plan.

TendonQueen Sat 26-Dec-15 15:49:05

Text back with 'Actually, I've just remembered that we're bringing X and Y so you can go halves on that with me and then we're splitting everything'.

VintageTrouble Sat 26-Dec-15 15:55:02

Add up everything it is costing, tell him he owes £x for that. Ask him what he is spending, and how much £y will be.

I bet he will go strangely quiet...

fidel1ne Sat 26-Dec-15 15:55:47

But you're all contributing already! shock

Puzzledandpissedoff Sat 26-Dec-15 16:03:13

Has he said how much he actually wants?

Unless it's an absolutely fortune (in which case tell him to f**k off) I'd say that the amount demanded is cancelled out by his share of what you've spent on the booze and cheese - so you're quits

Anyway, why now at this late stage? Has he perhaps overspent on the rest of Christmas and is looking for a way to get some of it back? For me, that would be another "f**k off" I'm afraid hmm

bloodyteenagers Sat 26-Dec-15 16:13:32

Depends how much he has asked for, especially when it seems he only has the meat/fish bit to buy.

sleeponeday Sat 26-Dec-15 16:15:12

Agree that you should present him with the bill for his half of the booze and cheese. I somehow suspect that it will come to more than the main course will, given the cost of alcohol.

He's being impossibly cheeky, given the effort and expense for everyone else. Not even as though he is putting you up, is it?

Italiangreyhound Sat 26-Dec-15 16:15:43

Just send a text clarifying what he expects from you and clarifying how much you are spending! Then take half of his and match it to half of yours. I doubt you will owe him a bean!

Maybe ask why he offered to host if they can't afford it, even with help from you and your mum.

This is beyond mean of him and so rude to do so so close to the event!

Remember to add that you are spending XYZ on petrol and hotel rooms and that you are not asking for help with this, so you think that if you and he are spending roughly same he is EASILY quids in! He is being unbelievably mean.

Is there any way his partner (if he has one) is prompting this?

Perniciousness Sat 26-Dec-15 16:33:24

Seems odd to have only just asked. I'd have phoned him back and interrogated him asked him about it.

Has he got a family too?

I think I'd work out the cost of the booze and cheese and get him to pay half of that. It's probably a petty thing to do but I'd still do it grin

Perniciousness Sat 26-Dec-15 16:35:27

I'd also pay him in front of everyone else. Not in a big showy way and not to make them feel awkward but just so they know.

ImtheChristmasCarcass Sat 26-Dec-15 16:51:04

I'm going to stick my head above the trenches here, don't shoot me.

I think it would depend on relative cost vs income. My own brother is pretty poor. DH and I are 'comfortable', but not rich. We're all retired. Chances are my brother would 'cook within his means' but if he asked me to contribute towards a special meal he's cooking it wouldn't bother me, even if I was providing other food for the feast. We can afford to help out, and the results are so worth it. He is an excellent cook, his meals are to die for!

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