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AIBU?

To not give a shit

130 replies

Jjen12345 · 26/12/2015 12:53

Just found out this morning, that the woman who falsely accused Dh of sexual assault killed herself last week.
It was proved that she was lying with cameras, witnesses etc.
And she had previous for this sort of thing. She was never charged for what she put us through.
I was pregnant when she accused my Dh and I became hysterical. I thought I would damage my baby with the stress. It was an awful time.
When I heard she was dead, I thought "good."
She will never be able to almost destroy a family ever again.

OP posts:

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helenahandbag · 26/12/2015 12:56

That's a tough one. The woman was obviously very unwell and it's sad when anyone feels that suicide is their only way out but I'm very sorry for the strain she put on your family. People who falsely cry rape are why so many women who are assaulted don't speak up.

CherryPits · 26/12/2015 12:56

I am so sorry you were put through such a traumatic time when you were pregnant, that's just completely horrible.

It sounds like the woman was a deeply troubled individual and has probably found peace now.

And I'm glad for your family that you won't be troubled by her again.

Nearly the New Year - onwards and forwards.

How old is your little one now?

lunar1 · 26/12/2015 13:01

Don't feel guilty for your feelings, they are completely understandable given the circumstances. Really glad that your dh was completely cleared.

winterswan · 26/12/2015 13:02

I feel for her family and friends.

0christmastree5 · 26/12/2015 13:03

The woman is dead, she's someone's daughter, sister, friend. Try to be gracious or say nothing. You have everything to live for, she clearly had nothing to live for. That is sad even if you don't give a shit.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 26/12/2015 13:05

Yanbu. Why would you care when she clearly didn't give a shit about you or your family? She didn't deserve an ounce of compassion from you and she doesn't now.

RudeElf · 26/12/2015 13:06

I think thats a fair enough reaction. This person put you through hell. The fact that they might have been really going through it themselves doesnt lessen what you went through and the pain it caused. And yes on a basic level it means that person cant continue to hurt others in the same way.

I hope you and your family have been able to move on from that time.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 26/12/2015 13:09

Of course you don't care, your loyalty lies with your dh, she falsely accused him of a terrible crime.

Her family will be devastated I imagine.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/12/2015 13:09

Again. I have to say its a tough one. To accuse someone of such an a sickening act, well she must have been extremely mentally un well.
But you wouldn't have looked at it like that and why should you. All you would have seen was a women who. Accused your dh of a sexual assault, nearly destroyed your family,, and made you worry about something happening to your baby, due to all the stress.
On the whole though. I personally do feel pity for her, to commit suicide her mind must have been in a turmoil. And let's not forget her family, parents siblings children, if she has them. They've just lost a loved one in some would argue is the worse possible way to lose someone.

Jjen12345 · 26/12/2015 13:11

We have moved on completely (didn't ever think of her until I found out she was dead) but at the time I felt sick and while I was 99.9999999% sure she was lying, there was that tiny part of me that thought "why would she lie"
But it turned out she was an attention seeker, that's why she would lie?
This all happened the day after I found out I was pregnant. It tainted what should have been a fantastic memory.
I wanted to kill her myself, for what she put me through during those months. Dh had to go to interviews, give DNA samples etc, when we should have been excitedly planning do our little baby arriving.
Ds is 7 months old now. He's perfect.

OP posts:

TheoriginalLEM · 26/12/2015 13:18

Wow - the woman sounds like she was mentally very unwell. I know that she did a terrible thing to your family and you must have been very hurt and angry. But to be glad she's dead??? i don't think you mean that, at least i hope not.

CherryPits · 26/12/2015 13:19

7 Months is a lovely age. Enjoy and put the thoughts of that time away. You have the rest of your lives to live now.

GreatFuckability · 26/12/2015 13:22

I think there is a massive difference between not caring about her and being glad she's dead. The first is a,reasonable reaction, the second is distasteful and not how someone who is over it would react. I think being glad someone is dead is deeply unhealthy.

BackInTheRealWorld · 26/12/2015 13:23

I can understand why you wouldn't give a shit what happened to her after she nearly destroyed your family's lives. Why the fuck should you? Just be glad it didn't break you and your family can leave this well and truly in the past.

OddSocksHighHeels · 26/12/2015 13:37

I can understand you not feeling sad about the news but to be actively glad? No, that isn't a good reaction or a healthy one.

Bakeoffcake · 26/12/2015 13:49

We went through something similar with someone trying to sue DH (business related). This man is a complete fantasist and the case didn't even get to court, but he put us through a year of worry and we had to spend money on lawyers etc. He had also done this to others in the past.

I must admit that I did think "I wish he'd just go and die" quite a lot because he's a nasty, vindictive fucker so I do understand your feelings.

VaticanAssassin · 26/12/2015 13:54

I could totally understand if you'd said didn't care she was dead- she put your family through hell.

But her repeated false allegations and now her suicide, show she must have been a deeply troubled, unwell woman- who in the end felt so hopeless that she couldn't even face being alive anymore.

It would be more dignified of you to feel apathy, rather than joy.

Misssss · 26/12/2015 14:00

I don't blame you one bit op. Fuck the dignity brigade. I'm glad you got through that.

Jjen12345 · 26/12/2015 14:14

I even considered whether or not I wanted to keep our ds, when I first found out we were pregnant. We had been trying for a baby but then when this happened I didn't know what was gonna happen, if Dh would end up in prison until it went to court etc. I was terrified and genuinely thought about ending the pregnancy at times.
Thank fuck I didn't.

OP posts:

cleaty · 26/12/2015 14:14

It is rare for women to accuse someone of rape if they haven't done it. And not being believed when you tell someone is traumatic.

areyoubeingserviced · 26/12/2015 14:18

Don't blame you OP.
I know someone who was wrongfully accused iof rape and tried to kill himself because of the accusation. He lost his job and his wife.

areyoubeingserviced · 26/12/2015 14:19

Cleaty- when you haven't done it it is also traumatic for friends and family of the accused

GreatFuckability · 26/12/2015 14:19

My post wasn't totally clear, what I mean by it being an unhealthy reaction is that perhaps you aren't as over it as you thought, and that's ok. But you need to recognise and deal with your feelings about this, perhaps some counselling. I speak as someone who was the victim of a crime that almost destroyed me, it took a lot of therapy but I genuinely am now in a place where I am completely apathetic about him. That's the best way to move on.
I hope you find peace and I also hope she does.

cleaty · 26/12/2015 14:20

Every man I have known in real life accused of rape, is always wrongly accused. I remain very sceptical.

WeThreeMythicalKings · 26/12/2015 14:25

There was CCTV proof the woman lied, Cleaty, or was that faked? And all the witnesses were liars, were they?

Some women do lie. I am very sceptical of the "we believe you" nonsense espoused by some on MN, they do a disservice to women genuinely assaulted by believing those who lie..

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