OK, so it’s that time of year when “things” come to a head I suppose! Bit of background – OH and I both work f/t. OH works away about 50% of the time. I’m a teacher, which I love but (like a lot of people) my career has taken a hit as OH’s has taken off as one of us has to be available for emergencies, parents evenings etc. I’ve therefore been doing pretty much the same thing at the same level for the last 8 years rather than trying to take on more responsibility etc. My OH earns a lot more than me so this arrangement makes sense for now.
As he is away so much, I do everything at home, although the children are getting better at helping e.g. we clean on Saturdays and they all have one designated job (putting washing away, mopping the floor etc.) However, a lot of the cleaning and all the things around the edges – DIY, getting someone in to fix the boiler etc., buying Christmas presents for everyone – fall to me. Again, as he is not usually here (and when he is he works very long hours), this makes sense.
The problem is this. I feel completely taken for granted in this scenario. I am hugely appreciative of everything he does for us. He doesn’t like to be away from me and the children but he does it to make more money so we can have a better life. There is no way we could afford the house we have without him doing this – I know this and let him know how much I appreciate it and try to make his life easier when he is here. However, it doesn’t work the other way around.
While my OH says he appreciates how much I do etc., his actions suggest otherwise (and here the festive complaints begin!) For example, he went out to get my Christmas present on Christmas Eve. I’ve told him before that leaving it to the last minute, then clearing off for the whole day when there is so much to do at home shows a lack of respect for me. He says it doesn’t. I say that he may well be right, but we have this conversation every year, he knows it upsets me that he does this and yet he does it anyway. So that shows a lack of respect for me, even if the actually act of buying my present the day before Christmas says more about him than it does about me. I could go on - not taking the rubbish out, not picking up the shopping I asked for on the way home etc. - but you get the picture!
AIBU to find his behaviour completely unacceptable? I can’t believe I’m the only one in this situation so what should I do to make him realize that this is a big deal for me? Asking him nicely coupled with the occasional explosion at inappropriate times doesn’t seem to be working!
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AIBU?
To expect a bit of recognition for my superhuman efforts at keeping this show on the road?
15 replies
motherofallhens · 26/12/2015 10:28
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