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AIBU?

To wish I'd got more Christmas presents?

137 replies

ArcticCactus · 26/12/2015 00:03

There was an unpleasant moment Xmas morning where I was happily doling out the gifts from under the tree and enjoying watching people open them.

"Oh you open one" said dh.
..."um, there aren't any for me" I said.
Awkward silence.

But there weren't. Dh got me one small thing he'd made me point at in a panic on the 23rd. No card.
Neither sibling got me anything.
The in law side didn't get me anything
Ds gets a pass because he's tiny, but aibu to feel really sad about this? We can afford it, and no one seems to have thought of me. I'm not expecting diamonds. I spent considerable time an effort getting people thoughtful gifts and posting them. I'd dropped hints about things I'd like. Mine expensive, or hard to find (new photo album, address book sort of thing.)

I'm an expat, I don't really have any friends in my new country and no one from the uk has bothered to keep in touch. No cards, no FB messages, nowt.

I feel invisible, unloved and upset. I know Xmas is about more than gifts by I feel the effort has been all one sided. Am I being precious or would this upset you ?

OP posts:

Report

coffeeisnectar · 26/12/2015 00:07

Oh bloody hell, no yanbu.

Your dp needs a boot up the arse.

How awful that not one person thought to buy you anything at all.

CherryPits · 26/12/2015 00:08

I think you're being a little bit silly.

I am an expat I have no gifts to open today but I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Today has been about the kids.

DragonsCanHop · 26/12/2015 00:09

In your circumstances that would upset me, yes. Did you buy for others.

I know some won't agree but we have no family at all and we only buy for the DC and then the DC Buy for us (with our help) and that's it.

Stops any of the horrid I'll feeling

FriendofBill · 26/12/2015 00:09

Well, I'd like to wish you well and give you a Christmassy hug.

I bought myself some presents this year. Perhaps do that when the shops are open?

it's only one day, try not to be down.

Have a word with DH about expectations, maybe set a budget to buy for each other or agree not to buy.

Homemadearmy · 26/12/2015 00:09

I have had a few Christmases with no presents, but they were okay because I wasn't expecting any. It's worse if you think you are getting some and there is nothing for you. Hopefully your dp will have learnt from this year and next year will be better.

RJnomore1 · 26/12/2015 00:10

You are not being silly
Thoughtless arses.

ilovesooty · 26/12/2015 00:10

The OP said she made a considerable effort buying for others.

LagunaBubbles · 26/12/2015 00:13

Since when has it been silly to feel upset that no-one had made the time or effort to choose you a present? Honestly some of the attitudes on here.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 00:13

Did in laws get for yiur dh. If they did, they are awful, yiur dh shoukd remind them to get yiu a little something.

Jinglebells99 · 26/12/2015 00:14

Yep that would upset me too. Who are the people you bought for and why didn't they get anything for you? Tbh I wouldn't bother making an effect again. That's sad, and I think you should tell your dh how you feel. He should have made more effort.

ArcticCactus · 26/12/2015 00:15

I don't ever "expect" stuff in a kind of " buy me this or I'll sulk" way. I'm a low maintenance person.

It's just that I organised about bought stuff for everyone and nothing came back. I'd have been thrilled with any of the little things like books, socks etc.

There was avert awkward silence and shuffling of feet - I tried to brush it off and turn the attention to the kids but I am genuinely upset.

I didn't get anything for my birthday either. Or our anniversary. Even a card would have done.

OP posts:

VimFuego101 · 26/12/2015 00:15

YANBU. If you and DH actually talked and decided not to get presents for each other, that would be different.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 00:16

Exactly leguna, I woukd be feck get upset and hurt. Especially if I've gotten for people I am spending Christmas Day with, and they give nothing to me. So embarrassing for you when yiu had nothing to open under the tree. Ne t time don't make much of an effort.

Hatethis22 · 26/12/2015 00:16

That is shitty.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 00:17

You need to have a serious talk to your dh about it, this would really upset me

Hatethis22 · 26/12/2015 00:17

Your H needs a rocket up the arse.

theshyretirer · 26/12/2015 00:17

Totally understand, it was like this with my family 2 or 3 years ago. It wasn't the lack of presents but the fact that all the effort and love I'd put into my presents for others hadn't been reciprocated. There's nothing spoiled about feeling lonely or sad because your family and friends haven't thought about you.

gleam · 26/12/2015 00:18

That's horrible, Arctic.
Didn't anyone apologise?

scarlets · 26/12/2015 00:20

They should be embarrassed. However, at least you can choose your own gifts now, so get online, and treat yourself (or better still, go to the shops without DC and make a day of it).

ArcticCactus · 26/12/2015 00:21

Dh looked uncomfortable (mildly horrified actually.) I think he saw how upset I was.

I think maybe it's exacerbating feelings I have from emigrating. No one has kept in touch even though I've made an effort. I'm on mat leave and I feel like I've disappeared from the world.

Ah well.

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 00:21

Exactly, it signifies that nobody cares for you or gives a shit about yiu. I woukd not expect my non adult children to get me anything, but adults who are spending Christmas with yiu, shoukd buy everyone a present who they are spending Christmas with, not leave them out.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/12/2015 00:23

So who was with you at Christmas? Did they buy for your dh and DC and leave you out!

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ArcticCactus · 26/12/2015 00:28

There was something labelled for both of us from Inlaws along with loads of stuff for dh and ds but it was something very clearly meant for dh alone. It's not something I could physically use.
Ds got plenty of things - I guess that's more important.
Siblings in different countries. I sent them a box each. They sent nothing.

My mumsnet secret Santa sent me book tokens, so thank you lovely anonymous person, I shall cheer myself up tomorrow by using them.

OP posts:

FLAMBOLA · 26/12/2015 00:28

I hope he makes it up to you because that's shit.

imwithspud · 26/12/2015 00:29

YANBU at all, I would be gutted. I'd imagine most people would be. It's not so much about the actual gift, but more the thought that gets put into it.

Not the same but there were 3 envelopes with £20 each in, from dp's aunt and unlcle, who I genuinely like and get along with, one for dp, and one for each of the dc's. But nothing for me, even that stung a bit. It wasn't so much the money, more the fact that I was 'left out'. I am quite a sensitive person and I did get a bit upset as I was thinking that they don' like me or something. Even dp was confused, put it down to there being a mistake. There was a card which was addressed to all of us though, so maybe he's right.

I would take yourself out shopping in the sales over the next few weeks and treat yourself to something nice. And also talk to dp about how this made you feel, it's not difficult to get a little something to show appreciation for the person you love at Christmas.

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