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to have started to realise my eldest could have SN since researching her siblings SN?

(22 Posts)
livvielunch Fri 25-Dec-15 23:03:49

I have a 4 yo who is undergoing assessment for ASC. She has a multitude of sensory processing issues, hates physical contact, rarely communicates with anyone but me etc. Since I have started researching the condition, with a view of finding ways to help her, I've begun to consider that my 9 yo perhaps has some SN, too.

She doesn't play with toys, ever. She doesn't like to read or draw or do anything, really. She is very loud at home, she talks/sings/shouts constantly and constantly interrupts and talks over others. She is highly sensitive - she believes cartoons are real, has nightmares from fairytales, cannot comprehend jokes or sarcasm. She is incapable of considering the consequences of her actions and is genuinely surprised when things happen (I. e. She painted her hand to print, then touched the wall on the way to wash it and looked genuinely surprised it marked the wall.) She is very clingy and becomes emotional if I close the door while using the bathroom. Recently she's increasingly unhappy generally and will sit staring into space with a miserable face on her. She struggles with friendships - she has one she adores and is hysterical if she decides to play with someone else. She cannot cope with any change in routine and would be inconsolable if I said DP was going to take her to school instead of me, like usual. I actually arranged a home birth for my youngest with my eldest in mind because of how she would struggle if I suddenly disappeared to hospital.

I mentioned my concerns about her to DP and he seems to think that if I approached the GP about our eldest dd, it'd look like we're trying to play the system for money because our 4 yo receives DLA. But I figured that surely it's common that SN don't become apparent until later on, particularly once a siblings displays traits of having SN?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Fri 25-Dec-15 23:12:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chopz Fri 25-Dec-15 23:21:50

The GP will most likely be aware that it's genetic and can run in families. Why would The GP assume it was about getting cash?

Chopz Fri 25-Dec-15 23:23:37

I think it's certainly worth raising with GP after reading what you've written about get.

Kleinzeit Fri 25-Dec-15 23:25:19

Would your GP even know if you have applied for DLA? In any case it makes no difference to how the GP would see it. Yes, ASCs can run in families, Asperger’s is commonly not diagnosed until quite late on (I think the average age is 7) and it’s harder to spot in girls. Given the different things you’ve listed about your DD I’m sure the GP would not be surprised if you asked for her to be assessed. Not saying that she does have an ASC of course but I can see why you are concerned. flowers

DixieNormas Fri 25-Dec-15 23:25:20

well I'm not overly keen on your dp from what you have said about him on the other thread so I wouldn't be listening to him.

when is your next appointment with the paediatrician for your 4 year old? you could speak to them. Ime gps don't always know that much about asd

EllenJanethickerknickers Sat 26-Dec-15 00:57:47

ASD is strongly genetic and every DC with ASD can be very different from another. I think you should go with your gut feeling. Your DH may just be hoping there is nothing more than quirkiness with your DD1 and he may be right, but (generalising terribly) the secondary carer can often be reluctant to see anything 'wrong' with their DC and the primary carer is often more on the ball.

On the other hand, you both may have been compensating for DD1's anxiety and quirks for so long that they seem normal to you. HF ASD or AS is often not DXed until later, once DC's differences from NT become more apparent or when their differences start to affect them and those around them adversely. Lots of help and advice on the SN board on here, just not as quick a response.

ProudAS Sat 26-Dec-15 07:23:13

I think you should get her tested for ASD. Going through adolescence with undiagnosed Aspergers is not something I would recommend.

Frusso Sat 26-Dec-15 07:45:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

raisin3cookies Sat 26-Dec-15 08:11:38

I'm in a similar situation with my eldest. She is 12 and about a year ago I had a good friend ask me some pointed questions; my son is on the ASD spectrum and I was lamenting over how the two can't ever seem to get along. My friend said, "are you sure she is NT?" Which got my back up a bit but also got me thinking hard.

ASD in girls is practically impossible to get diagnosed although now I'm pretty certain she's on the spectrum. She has different tics and obsessions, is highly intelligent and self confident, and is excellent at masking, but the underlying issues are shockingly similar to her diagnosed brother. I now try to deal with her in a similar way to my son and it helps enormously.

I will be pursuing a diagnosis in the new year. Our gp blew me off completely saying things like - "some people don't have friends" as if that's perfectly acceptable ??!!
We are moving house so I'll be trying with a different gp soon or we will go private.

My sons diagnosis has helped him through life already; he is confident enough to tell people himself and it's an easy shorthand to explain why he's struggling in certain situations.

ottothedog Sat 26-Dec-15 08:28:02

I'm sure your GP would think no such thing. This sounds like your dh is perhaps having problems coming to terms/is in denial about your sons diagnosis? (Just a thought). I can see why you would be concerned. It is often genetic but also family members can have 'traits' without being diagnosed. It is also less often spotted in girls. Definitely worth raising with gp.

Wolpertinger Sat 26-Dec-15 08:32:59


It's not surprising you didn't realise with your eldest as she seems a bit milder than your youngest and she was your first and so you had nothing to compare it to.

FWIW I'm an only child and at the grand age of 40 have realised I probably have ASD. My mum had no point of reference so just assumed I was a bit odd.

Jollyphonics Sat 26-Dec-15 08:40:51

I'm a GP and it wouldn't occur to me that this was benefits-related. I would just listen to what you've said, and refer your DD for assessment.

ShadyMyLady Sat 26-Dec-15 09:46:00

Would be worth taking her to the GP to ask for an assessment. Girls tend to slip through the net with often devasting consequences. Maybe write a list of the things that are worrying you and take that with you.

My 5yo DD has ASD and I can relate to a few of the things you have said about your DD. But we can't diagnose on the internet, only a Paediatrician can.

rosaeva Sat 26-Dec-15 10:32:31

You are bound to all have lots of symptoms of asc/add/adhd if you are all in the same family.

Singsongsungagain Sat 26-Dec-15 10:36:19

Have her school said anything? From what you describe I'd be amazed if these behaviours hadn't been noticed there and a bit concerned that the school haven't pushed for a referral.

DamedifYouDo Sat 26-Dec-15 10:38:28

You are not being unreasonable at all but this may not be the best board to post on! Have a look on the SN children board and you will find lots of very good information and advice.

rosaeva Sat 26-Dec-15 10:41:35

I have all the symptoms of your dd and I believe I have adhd/asc traits, dh and db add/asc traits, both parents asc, my eldest asc,middle dd asc traits, mum in law asc, mum in laws partner asc. I could go on and on... Birds of a feather flock together and all that. Only a couple of those have a diagnosis.

orangepudding Sat 26-Dec-15 10:42:26

My DS age 7 was diagnosed with asd and ADHD this year. Since reading more about the conditions I am quite sure that my 11 year old dd is also on the spectrum and my husband definitely is. i have a friend who suspected dd has asd long before I had even considered it for DS. It really isn't unusual to get a diagnosis for one family member and then see it in others.

rosaeva Sat 26-Dec-15 10:45:14

I will also say dd is diagnosed asc and I think adhd. She is very much like me but I was very intelligent at school. I am glad I wasn't diagnosed as it would have ruined my career. I just got older and have good coping skills. If it wasn't for struggling in class I wouldn't have got dd diagnosed.

Notrevealingmyidentity Sat 26-Dec-15 10:55:19

Someone from my work was diagnosed with ADHD as a result of her much younger brother being diagnosed (think primary school age).

She had no idea and honestly I think knowing that this "thing" is that makes her different has changed her life. She was already very successful career wise so it's nothing to do with achievements - it's more of an understanding thing.

Ofcourse at 9 it would mean access to support for your DD which obviously wasn't the case for my colleague.

minceandmingle Sat 26-Dec-15 10:58:12

My DD has a diagnosis of ASD, she's high functioning and attends mainstream primary with no support at the moment. It's obvious she has ASD if you know what to look for, but most people don't and are surprised when I tell them.
We had no problems at all getting a diagnosis for her, although it took 18 months due to long waiting lists in our area.

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