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Christmas Present for Children

(7 Posts)
TheBouquets Fri 25-Dec-15 00:18:51

I went to deliver presents to some children in the family recently. I have not seen that side of the family for over a year. The reason I gave up any attempts to continue contact is because no matter what is done for that family unit by my side of the family we get chorus and verse about the non blood related person's family. They never spend Christmas with any of our side always being with the other side. This has been going on for years. I was getting to the point where I thought I was missing the family but when I went to deliver the presents it was the non related person who came to the door. I just held up the bag and said presents for the children. The bag was taken with the remark Aw Right! Not a thank you.
AIBU to expect to be treated with basic manners? I have given up any hope of my relative ever saying "What about my side and relatives" I know I cant make anyone feel what I am feeling but surely even the most average person could see that we should not have the other family pushed so far down our throats that we hate them without even any more than a few minutes of conversation with them over about 8 years.
So many people on MN go NC because of various reasons all we wanted was a fair share of spending time with children and Christmases together every so often and not never as has been the case here.
Given the ill mannered response to the presents I am better staying well away.
Just tell me if I am being unreasonable.

MinesAPintOfTea Fri 25-Dec-15 00:24:50

Are these your gc? Its hard to comment without knowing why you haven't seen them for over a year, ages etc.

Topseyt Fri 25-Dec-15 00:36:16

Not quite sure I am fully getting what the problem is.

Is there some dispute or something that means you not seeing your family for long periods?

There are members of my extended family who I have hardly ever spent much time with. We don't exchange cards or presents and there is very little contact. No reason other than that our parents just weren't naturally inclined to be close.

Is there some tension between you and this non-related family member?

Your OP is a little unclear.

TheBouquets Fri 25-Dec-15 00:53:49

Sorry did not mean to be unclear.
There is a long history of our relative going along with what partner wants and never once thinking of their own family maybe wanting to see them and the children. The children are nephews. I am the relative who is present but family talk about the one who does not keep in contact. The other family are barely known to any of us but there is no great problem with distance. I can recall that our Christmases were shared equally and I don't know why this other person does not remember that and say it is year about or even one year your side one year my side and even maybe one year just ourselves.
Some say our relative is under the other persons power, some think it is just us getting our collective face slapped. There was words said a while back but nothing makes our relative see our point of view. This is now leading to differences of opinion between those on this side, half wanting to give up and walk away and others wanting to hang around in case of ??? - whatever it is going on.
Hope that is clearer.

MinesAPintOfTea Fri 25-Dec-15 00:56:30

Why not accept the approach to christmas. Some families only ever go to one side so that might be what the other party expects. Just try at other times maybe?

MinesAPintOfTea Fri 25-Dec-15 00:59:15

And we have a family member who would not get a positive reception if they turned up with presents on christmas eve as would suspect they were trying t buy DC affections. But we had a clear and personal fallling out, and NC for 2 years

TheBouquets Fri 25-Dec-15 01:30:05

I did not see the children or ask to see either children or other adult. The bag was handed over and not another word was said. I was not trying to buy anyone's affections, if I had been I would have sent bigger and better presents.
I have tried for many years to accept that we are shunted off every Christmas. It is also the same at New Year and Birthdays and Public Holidays. It just seems that no matter what is done the other family comes off best. It is just never our turn.
It was the same with previous person. Their family got their way. Is our relative under the cosh twice? First was abusive now proved. Second is unknown but definitely irritating and ill mannered to our side of the family.
No-one from my side is making any invitations because the constant refusal or non appearance is showing that it is just a waste of time to ask and opens up another tirade about the other family.
I know that many families go through these situations. I and the family have given up trying but it is irritating some and pissing off others.
It is sad but so common these days.

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