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To think it will never happen for me?

(11 Posts)
Kimberley00001 Thu 24-Dec-15 17:46:17

Hi, don't really know where to start with all this but I'd appreciate any advice given. About 6 months ago I asked my ex partner to move out, this was fully the right decision and I havent looked back, but he was my only long term relationship ( I'm early 30s) he is early 40s, I have 1 child with s/n and I'm feeling I want to start dating, and that I'm ready but it isn't happening for me. Obviously my male friends think I'm great and don't understand why it hasn't happened and I've tried online and the messages fizzle out before it gets to the meet stage or I do meet them and they like me, but they cool off after and say oh you live too far or something like that. I don't know whether it's worth mentioning but I have been told I'm very very pretty and I get lots of offers for ons, but not much else. I did recently have a thing with a man quite a few years older and it later came out he had a gf, is known him a while and tbh it hurt he'd lied and just wanted sex sad just to add too I am a full time student in a female dominated course, so I don't meet anyone there and I'm not working as single parent ( again this puts off men online for some reason too) so I'm running out of ideas really . Any advice appreciated x

OddSocksHighHeels Thu 24-Dec-15 18:05:56

I don't think looks have much to do with it but confidence does. You only split up with your ex 6 months ago (how long were you together?) and it might actually be a good idea to be single for a little longer and get yourself to where you want to be before you look for a relationship.

Kimberley00001 Thu 24-Dec-15 18:24:39

Hi odd socks,
I think you are right looks aren't that important, I just wanted to give a full picture. I was with the X 15 years and he was at times emotionally abusive. It's a difficult time of year and it's New Years and valentines coming up it kinda stings that I'm the only single one out of my group of friends ...

Kimberley00001 Thu 24-Dec-15 18:29:45

It's even worse that mr unavailable was a fantastic well endowed shag, and my sex life with the ex was pretty miserable. I miss him but I'm Staying away, as it's the right thing to do.

UndramaticPause Thu 24-Dec-15 18:37:54

Someone told me it takes the number of years you were together in months to get over someone. It's rung true for me and the long term relationships I've had. Unfortunately for you that means 15 months.

OddSocksHighHeels Thu 24-Dec-15 18:42:27

Oh I wasn't criticising you for mentioning looks but, even you were the most stunning person to look at, if your confidence wasn't high enough then you would have less luck attracting somebody for dating than somebody less attractive but with higher self-confidence.

I do think that a 15 year relationship with somebody that was emotionally abusive means that you should take time out to be single and work on making yourself happy ad regaining the parts of you that he damaged with his abuse. But that's just my opinion of course.

You sound strong though, well done for staying away from Mr Unavailable. If you do want sex then there's nothing wrong with ONS or FWB (with single men!) but that depends on how you feel about it. Otherwise love honey is your friend wink

Maybe you could focus on making new friends that are single so that you don't feel surrounded by couples? Or seeing your couple up friends on their own without their OH's?

Kimberley00001 Thu 24-Dec-15 18:51:03

Thanks for replies. Yes we were together 15 years but I think I emotionally checked out about 5 years ago. I will look into meet up groups etc to meet other single people. It's very very difficult for me to find someone I'm attracted to , the only man I'd ever wanted to be with in that way was Mr unavailable I'd hand on heart never found anyone else attractive. I know it's healthy to be on my own for a bit but just getting out there and having dates would help as girly nights out aren't on the cards with my friends being coupled, they spend it with their partners.

BlueJug Thu 24-Dec-15 19:24:00

Being single has real advantages, enjoy it while you can, build up your confidence, learn about who you are outside of a relationship. Six months is still very early after 15 years - that in itself could well put people off as they may suspect rebound even if you don't.

Don't give up hope though.

CherryPits Thu 24-Dec-15 20:01:00

I think you would feel more confident if you had the opportunity to meet some new friends, groups are good for that.

Then who knows, a friendship might develop into something more.

When you have a child, you probably don't want to be out madly dating anyway, but taking slow steps towards someone you've got to know and can trust a bit more.

FlatOnTheHill Thu 24-Dec-15 20:06:24

I agree with Bluejug
Take some time out. It is a very healthy thing to do. You are still young. Dont keep thinking about it. Stop worrying and let life naturally take you on the next path.

GoldenBlue Fri 25-Dec-15 00:00:22

Kimberley, you are still young and there is plenty of time. I met the love of my life at 35, post divorce following a 12 year relationship. First you have to get your confidence back (or find it got the first time). You need to learn that you are great (not just pretty, but actually great on the inside). Because once you are enjoying life and happy in your own skin then you will find that you are incredibly attractive to many good people both as friends and more. Be kind to yourself, have fun and explore clubs and hobbies and relax, it will happen. This is your year, it'll be fab x

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