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to shove all the festivities up his backside?

(27 Posts)
bettyberry Thu 24-Dec-15 16:36:11

Long story short. Not seen OH for a while due to work, finances and living in different towns. Countless hospital appointments for DC mean its very difficult for me to travel. I had planned half term to visit but at the time OH was working nightshifts and with DC having SEN it would've been both pointless and hell to deal with. since half term I have hardly had a conversation with the OH just texts and msgs on FB due to being on different sleep patterns.

He has Not long confirmed he isn't coming for xmas via a text. Reasons he gave were financial and also to look after someone. Its probs worth noting we didn't spend last xmas together either and DC was upset then too.

I am furious, hurt and upset but have yet to unleash any of my anger on OH until I am calmer and have drank enough wine and have consoled DC and tucked into bed.

This isn't the first time I have been let down and all previous visits he has cut short for various reasons not to mention no physical contact just a call and texts since half term and my birthday was even forgotten although with financial issues I was, at that time, not expecting a visit. A phone call would've been the best thing.

So, would I be unreasonable to shove the festive things I have planned up his arse and tell him to fuck off for good? should I make a 70s cheese and pineapple hedgehog just for the pain value and keep the quality street for myself?

I'm still reeling here and need cheering up before I do the inevitable and tell him to get lost. I just can't believe I'd fallen for such an inconsiderate tosser who would let me and DC down at the very last minute.

LindyHemming Thu 24-Dec-15 16:41:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HughGrantsHair Thu 24-Dec-15 16:42:54

Is he the children's father?

wannabestressfree Thu 24-Dec-15 16:43:25

Please tell me they are not his children....

Gazelda Thu 24-Dec-15 16:45:22

How long have you been in this relationship?
is he the DC father?

bettyberry Thu 24-Dec-15 16:46:59

No, not his DC.

18mths into this relationship and its all gone to shit since August because of a job loss. To shit I mean hardly seen each other because of the lack of money. NO other issues tbh.

LindyHemming Thu 24-Dec-15 16:48:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Leelu6 Thu 24-Dec-15 16:48:45

YANBU. Who is he looking after that's more important than his own son (i think) and his DP?

I say LTB.

Leelu6 Thu 24-Dec-15 16:49:05

X post!

Jw35 Thu 24-Dec-15 16:50:48

18 months is nothing, leave him. It's hardly a relationship and by the sound of it he's prob shagging someone else sorry

Enjolrass Thu 24-Dec-15 16:52:27

He upset your kids last Christmas and he doesn't bother contacting you on your birthday?

It really sounds like there are issues but you are sweeping them under the carpet

bettyberry Thu 24-Dec-15 16:53:50

he's looking after a Step-parent but not a from child step-parent and I know I'm being unreasonable to even think he should abandon someone who needs help right now but it doesn't change the fact I'm angry and very hurt and have been let down at the last minute.

limited contact since half term due to start of a job working night shifts 6 nights a week. My DC is up between 4-5 every morning and I'm in bed early because of it. I was up when he was sleeping and vice versa. Not a lot I could do about that and honestly I was OK about it because it was a short term contract so not forever but throw the other things on top...

bettyberry Thu 24-Dec-15 16:57:01

I've already decided to ditch him. upsetting my DC like this is a non-negotiable. Last xmas was forgiven because he was admitted to hospital and couldn't make the journey.

Just so angry.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 24-Dec-15 17:01:28

"since half term I have hardly had a conversation with the OH just texts and msgs on FB due to being on different sleep patterns."
Sleeping 8 hours a day leaves 16 hours awake. There should have been some overlap of your awake-times when a phonecall would have been possible although maybe not a priority ? He can't work 12-hour days 7 days a week surely? I can see it being impossible for a week, two at the most due to appointments/commitments etc - but months?

"He has Not long confirmed he isn't coming for xmas via a text. Reasons he gave were financial and also to look after someone."
Not a suitable message to handle by text, even if it hadn't been incredibly short notice sad. And look after who?

"all previous visits he has cut short for various reasons"
That's the kicker for me.

So sorry betty wine.

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 24-Dec-15 17:07:33

(Massive X-post, as per usual for me)

"limited contact since half term due to start of a job working night shifts 6 nights a week. My DC is up between 4-5 every morning and I'm in bed early because of it."
My dad worked nights a lot when I was a kid. He'd get back from work around 7am so he'd have breakfast with us. Sit and read the morning paper with a cuppa and a fag, maybe go to bed around 9 to 10 am-ish. If you're up from 4am, I'm guessing you are both awake when he gets home from night shift, and if he'd wanted to, he could have called then?

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf Thu 24-Dec-15 17:21:33

This isn't a relationship.

Have a lovely day with DC.

sinber Thu 24-Dec-15 17:23:03

Are you sure he doesn't have a family that's taking priority over you?

allnewredfairy Thu 24-Dec-15 17:24:26

You are, to all effects on your own OP. Doesn't sound like he's bringing much to the table so yes, ditch him. Shitty time of year for you I know but at least you can start the new year afresh. flowers

1frenchfoodie Thu 24-Dec-15 17:28:15

Glad you have decided to ditch him. Working different shifts is no reason not to speak - in fact knowing there are only a few hours of overlap gives a very clear window. My OH gets back from a night shift at 6.15am and we have a cup of coffee for 15 mins then he drives me 30 mins to the station. Before we lived together we'd have skyped over coffee in our respective houses.

FishWithABicycle Thu 24-Dec-15 17:32:12

Sorry OP but this person is not your OH. He certainly doesn't see himself that way.

Focus on your lovely DC and have a brilliant Christmas without this waste of time and space and energy.

bettyberry Thu 24-Dec-15 17:49:52

WhereYouLeftIt I know it probably would've been much easier living together to have that time. needing to get DC ready into school for breakfast clubs, he got home around 7 just as i was leaving to drop DC off and then evening pick ups really did leave little time (bedtime, bath, DCs therapy plus homework) and the contract was only temporary -9 weeks in total. I'm not making excuses at all for him nor me.

1frenchfoodie he already moaned at me RE skype and facetime. my home tech wasnt up to it or that would've happened.

sinber positive. Visits were very regular up until the job loss and I visited during school holidays very much off the cuff so to speak. Several times it was a case of 'oh I have train ticket funds spare, see you in a few hours'

Reapwhatyousow Thu 24-Dec-15 17:51:01

With all the additional pressures of Christmas this is not the time to make life changing decisions. Please mediate on that thought, let the season pass and talk to each other without the children around if that can possibly be arranged.

ImtheChristmasCarcass Thu 24-Dec-15 17:52:53

My first thought was that he is married.

At any rate, you aren't getting enough return on your 'investment'. You're right to drop him.

bettyberry Thu 24-Dec-15 23:00:45

reap I wouldn't call this life changing. I'm on my own. I've been on my own for years. I just so happened to have someone who wanted to share it the decided to change plans very last minute. I am back where I was last year. I'd rather lose 18mtjs of my life than the next 18ur to a man who has proven my feelings are not that important.

I have made plans and put an awful lot of effort into the week he was supposed to be here. I have cinema tickets I cannot get refunds on and ditto ticket to a pantomime. Childcare that took weeks to find so we could go out for one evening. I've spent the last two hours trying my hardest to make sure the extra food isn't going to go to waste

Any other day I probably would let it slide but today... Promises were made and not kept.

GiddyOnZackHunt Thu 24-Dec-15 23:13:29

flowers and another saying that he really isn't giving any signs of 'partnership' so your decision is a good one. I hope you have a calm Christmas

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