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to think he is lazy and selfish

(6 Posts)
northern78 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:37:53

Ok background 3dc. 2 primary aged 1 toddler. I am self employed very parts time around looking after dc. Dh has a good job so I am fortunately do not have go work out of the home.
However, I am graduly getting more and more pissed off. Dh literally does nothing in the evenings except disappear upstairs to rest/watch tv as he is more comfortable on the bed. He has arthritis so to a certain extent I get it although I had to carry on through my sciatica and now have other health issues.
Weekends are no better really. It is still me doing the lions share of the childcare and all the housework. He barely empties the bin these days.
He used yo do diy and the garden but obviously there is none at the moment.
Now to the thing thst really pissed me off and I feel reflectd his attitude. Dd3 is having sleep issues. I deal with the night wakings and do bedtime etc. However over the last couple of nights she has had big sleeps mid afternoon due to car journeys so has been up till midnight etc. As usual I deal with in her room whilst dh remains in bed.
so tonight he said words to the effect of. "I hope you are not going to stop me sleeping tonight"
Not once has he acknowledged that she has any impact on my sleep.
just feel like I totally don't matter.
aibu to feel like I should be getting more support.
Incidentally dd2 has some sen too and I manage all her appointments and med etc.

northern78 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:39:26

Know this can't continue so serious chat needed but just need it confirming that he needs to step up.

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 23-Dec-15 22:40:46

Of course he does

When I had three that age, dh used to do roughly half the night time wakings, plus half of dealing with bad dreams, sickness, nappies, meals. He'd cook sometimes, and helped with things like ironing and housework. And he could - and did - take all three out for the day on his own, so I could have some peace and quiet.

As a result of being so hands-on, he has a really good relationship with the boys now (they are 18, 20 and 22) - and he's still got a wife who loves him! I can't imagine how love (or even toleration) could survive someone as lazy and uninvolved as your dh.

He needs to realise that his contribution to the family is more than just sperm and money - unless that's all he wants to be, which would be really sad.

I just wish I could come round to yours, and give him the good, old-fashioned bollocking he so richly needs, and warn him he will lose you and his children unless he shapes up his ideas.

northern78 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:46:29

Btw I know he can't do some thing due to the arthritis but he doesn't even wipe down worktops when he messes them or read a bedtime story or supervise a bath etc or even empty a bin. I was out at the supermarket tonight and upon my return dh had changed a soiled nappy but left it in an open carrier bag in the kitchen.

northern78 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:51:54

Thank you. Yes I think I am also worried re his relationship with the dc. Plus lets just say we are drifting apart too as I don't feel respected and I can't respect him either.
He does cook at the weekends and does deal with dc when I am ouf but when I am home he clearly thinks he can opt out. Yes, I guess I am enabling this.

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