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To thinks these young people also need to learn to respect the needs of others

(17 Posts)
Summernights08 Wed 23-Dec-15 21:24:07

Ds goes to a resdenital special needs college. He has been having problems sleeping there due tithe noise levels of the other young people. They are often up in the early hours of the morning talking,making hot drinks and genrally being noisy. Ds has talked to some staff at the college about this and all the suggestions they have made are about him learning to cope with noise rather than addressing the issue with the young people who are
Making noise.

Sofiria Wed 23-Dec-15 21:41:53

YANBU. If it was an occasional night then it would be useful for your DS to have coping strategies for dealing with the noise, but if it's often, the other young people need to be asked to keep it down during unsociable hours.

Unfortunately there's a general perception that young people are all night owls/noisy and that anyone who doesn't fit in with that needs to adjust, but I don't think that's fair on your DS. Most of us wouldn't like or put up with our neighbours keeping us awake late most nights with noise, and while he's at residential college, the college is basically a second home. He's entitled to a bit of consideration!

Summernights08 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:14:46

Yes I do argree that he also needs to learn that sometimes people may be distressed or unwell so they need to get up and seek help but every night is very inconsiderate.

ElfOnTheBoozeShelf Wed 23-Dec-15 22:20:47

But equally your son needs to accept that people are different and function in different ways. If they are not breaking any rules - which presumably they're not, or they would have been disciplined - then the staff have taken the more sensible course of action by helping him find ways of getting used to it. Being up early and making hot drinks is a normal course of the day for a large percentage of people.

hedgehogsdontbite Wed 23-Dec-15 22:22:53

I think it depends on the level of noise. My DH is autistic and has problems sleeping because of the noise others in the house or next door or outside make. It causes him huge amounts of stress. But, the noise is in my opinion within the normal range of night time noise when living around other people. He can't understand that what he's wanting from others is unrealistic.

Could this be part of the problem for your son?

Sofiria Wed 23-Dec-15 22:28:46

To clarify - by 'early hours of the morning' do you mean staying up late or getting up early? I worry I might have misinterpreted. If it's getting up early and making coffee, like Elf suggests, then that's not unsocial in the way that being loud at 2am is.

Also I don't know what SN your DS has but if there are any sensory issues then dealing with other people's noise may be much harder for him than for most people. It can be difficult not to have control of the environment that way.

Summernights08 Wed 23-Dec-15 22:32:50

The rules are that the young people should be in their rooms at 10.30 during the week and midnight at the weekends. my Ds has asd so yes he is sensitive to noise. The young people are up between to hours of 11-2/3 am.

OddSocksHighHeels Wed 23-Dec-15 22:37:37

It's hard to say. I have never been able to sleep early and 10:30 would be really tough on me. I would try to be sensitive of others as much as possible though. So how much is DS sensitive to noise compared to how noisy they're actually being?

However, despite what I say, rules are rules so somebody can have a word with them. But 10:30pm for college students? I don't agree with that.

DixieNormas Wed 23-Dec-15 22:38:59

I suppose some people with asd will find it very hard to sleep and not settle untill late/early hours. Ds4 has asd and going to sleep is an issue although he is still only little.

It is bound to be a difficult environment when you have people with different sn all living together, some with sensory issues, others with sleep difficulties

SquinkiesRule Wed 23-Dec-15 22:57:22

When my Ds was in the residents halls at his Uni, they didn't have to be in their rooms, but needed to be quiet between 10.30pm and 8am. midnight on fridays and saturdays. Most of them were really good about it.
Also no instrument practice in rooms before noon and after 5pm, they needed to use a practice room.
The kids need to learn to be respectful of the rules and be quiet, at the same time maybe your Ds could try a white noise machine or ear plugs.

maddening Wed 23-Dec-15 23:18:16

Could they move his room to one away from communal areas?

Mmmmcake123 Wed 23-Dec-15 23:25:39

I think that they should invest equal time to the people not being quiet as to helping your son manage when people don't follow rules.
They could suggest he wear something over his ears to block the noise but ultimately the noisy students need to be told to abide by the rules and respect fellow residents. This is basic life skills for all.

Mmmmcake123 Wed 23-Dec-15 23:28:43

I think anything after 1am is extremely out of order. They may want to give the residents a bit of freedom and understanding of pushing boundaries but after midnight it is getting disrespectful.
cake it must be such a worry for you xx

Samcro Wed 23-Dec-15 23:36:15

i am surprised my "child' is at an sn college and there has never been any problems like this. and these are young adults with severe sn.
as a parent I would be speaking to staff if this happened as your "childs" needs should be met.

yorkshapudding Wed 23-Dec-15 23:44:19

As others have said, it must be tricky to balance the varying (and often competing) needs of the young people in a setting like this but the staff should have the expertise to do that.

It's good that the staff are giving your DS coping strategies to manage his sensitivity to noise but they also need to find a way to enforce the rules more effectively. The noise issue aside, it can be really stressful and confusing for people with ASD when others around them don't follow the 'rules'. Staff need to be aware that communicating policies but then not actually adhering to them is going to cause a lot of frustration. Your poor DS must be really fed up as he is doing the 'right' thing and then being told he needs to change his behaviour when he complains about the rules being broken.

Sleep is so crucial for learning as well as physical and emotional health, it could be really detrimental for some of these young people to be staying up until 2am every night and for those who are following the rules but are being kept awake. Basic sleep hygiene and being able to adhere to a routine are important life skills that they will need in the future and should be encouraged, which is presumably why they instituted rules around bedtimes in the first place. They just need to follow their own policies consistently.

hiddenhome2 Thu 24-Dec-15 00:20:46

People with asd can't really 'learn to cope with the noise'. Noise is stressful and there's no changing that really.

Has your ds tried any earplugs or noise masking devices?

Could he move rooms?

Mmmmcake123 Thu 24-Dec-15 00:42:24

Yorksha I completely agree

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