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Christmas fund given to charity AIBU

(616 Posts)
FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 14:43:39

Me and my sister get on really well. Very close family. Never argue about anything. More like best mates so very lucky. Ok this is where its all gone wrong. Re xmas. None of us want for anything and the kids have everything. I made a decision this year that all off my £200 xmas fund for family (not my son). Is being donated to a local wonderful hospice. Im a working single mum by the way. I have given plenty of notice to everyone and told people myself and my son dont want anything as we dont need it. To save their money and not to worry. She has gone mad and said she would never give to charity at xmas and its about the kids. I said you might need a fucking hospice one day. She said its a weird thing to do. All the rest of the faimy think its a good gesture to donate. I have only bought presents for my son. Am i wrong? Feel like shit now for doing a good deed.

KakiFruit Wed 23-Dec-15 14:45:48

Of course YANBU. She's got no right to basically demand presents from you. She may have a point if your son was getting nothing at all, because to most kids that would be hard to understand, but he's not. She's being weird.

abbieanders Wed 23-Dec-15 14:48:49

Does she have children to whom you won't be giving presents this year? Us that the problem?

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 14:48:52

She has not spoken to me for 5 weeks now and ignoring my calls. My mum said she does not want to get involved. Im 48 years old and see more and more people around me ill and have lost 2 friends to cancer that needed hospice care. Feel quite bloody upset about the whole thing.

swansolistice Wed 23-Dec-15 14:50:47

Weeelll- I am all for donating to charity but in effect, you're making others donate, by spending the money you would have spent on presents on that, aren't you?

It's tricky. I think if you'd said, no presents at all that would have been fine but that's not what's happened.

That said, five weeks is ridiculous.

90sforever Wed 23-Dec-15 14:50:49

Is it their presents you've decided to donate? I'd be pissed off too of it was

Queenbean Wed 23-Dec-15 14:50:53

Is she phoebe from friends, deciding whether to get married or donate money?!

What a brilliant, wonderful, generous thing for you to have done. Don't let her take the shine off this for you, she's in a very small minority and is acting like a petulant child.

90sforever Wed 23-Dec-15 14:50:59

*if it was

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 14:51:03

Abbie she has 3 kids that have everything. If they were poor it would be different. We are not rich just what I would call normal working family.

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 14:52:18

Swan im not making others donate. Please read post.

Queenbean Wed 23-Dec-15 14:53:01

you're making others donate, by spending the money you would have spent on presents on that, aren't you?

The op has specified that she doesn't want anything back though, so she's not giving their money / gifts away and expecting stuff herself

CallieTorres Wed 23-Dec-15 14:53:56

technically you are making them donate, you are giving 'their' presents to charity

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 14:54:41

I wish people would read the post. I said im donating 200 quid to hospice. Therefore im not buying xmas presents this year. So dont worry about buying me and my son any. I have only bought for my son.

ilovesooty Wed 23-Dec-15 14:55:03

I think your gesture is perfectly reasonable and I wouldn't want to talk to her again until she retracts what she's said to you.

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 14:55:35

Thank you Queenbean. You are getting it!

90sforever Wed 23-Dec-15 14:55:41

You are making them donate the presents they'd usually get from you aren't you?

OddSocksHighHeels Wed 23-Dec-15 14:56:49

She isn't making anybody donate.

YANBU. It's your money and your choice what to with it.

boodles Wed 23-Dec-15 14:57:39

I think that prob the way to have done it was to have bought them presents and asked for them to donate any money which would have been used for you to be donated.

swansolistice Wed 23-Dec-15 14:58:51

If you have made a point of not asking for gifts, I think that's fair enough.

ilovesooty Wed 23-Dec-15 14:59:05

I don't get this "making them donate"

The OP has asked for no presents from others. When did it become an expectation that you got a Christmas present anyway?

littlewoollypervert Wed 23-Dec-15 14:59:40

So you have decided

1) You don't want presents bought for you/your son
2) the money you would have spent on your family is going to a hospice
3) you have given them plenty of notice


One year my uncle decided everyone was getting an Oxfam goat etc BUT didn't tell anyone, so we all got him decent presents, plus there were a couple of children who were very bemused by getting a card at present exchange time. My mum gave out yards to him afterwards - not least because he handed everyone a card, but opened all his presents with great glee! (he apologised afterwards and we all did the charity thing with him for a few years). My family's issue with him was that he didn't tell us, and made everyone feel like they had been taken for a mug. Your approach is perfect. Your sis needs to calm down.

TimeToMuskUp Wed 23-Dec-15 15:00:47

YANBU. Don't justify your choices, don't explain further because your sister is determined to make a show of all this. Let her crack on and don't allow it to take away from your wonderful gesture.

I had a close friend (34) who spent her final few weeks in an hospice. Being there gave her dignity, peace and support (and for a woman with two very young DCs she needed some dignity in passing) and I continue to donate monthly. Hospices need that money so much more than your Sister or her DCs possibly could. Hold your head high.

CallieTorres Wed 23-Dec-15 15:01:03

but when did you tell them?

CallieTorres Wed 23-Dec-15 15:01:53

oh, i see you gave them plenty of notice, my bad! in that case... you go for it

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 15:02:03

Spot on Littlewoolly

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