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Was I in the wrong here?

(197 Posts)
GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 10:31:46

DP and I are home today (not because of our virus), and I was just getting some milk out of the microwave when I got a phone call from my Mum, asking me to look after my DSis 7 (who isn't feel well), whilst she and my Dad finish off their Christmas food shop with DSis2 and DB.

Unfortunately, myself and DP really didn't feel up to it and I declined, I said "No, sorry Mum we've both got a throa-"" and she cut off, after saying shouting fine and hanging up.

I rang back a few minutes later because I noticed a missed call from her. Her reply was when I asked why she called "I didn't mean to ring you, I meant to ring nanny". I asked why she hang up on me and her answer was "because I can't find someone to look after Dsis! You have a throat infection but you don't look after her with your throat, do you? All she has to do is sit there for a little while"

AIBU to have declined, even though we're close family? In all honesty, we didn't feel up to it and I'd just rather not. AIBU to say no other explanation than that is required to give my Mum?

She wouldn't treat a friend that way, and I'm her adult daughter who I think deserves a little bit of respect. I wouldn't dream of doing it to anyone, because I don't think it's anyone's responsibility to care for my children.

lilydaisyrose Wed 23-Dec-15 10:36:03

I probably would have done it if I was well enough to be out of bed and I could guarantee that my DSis wouldn't be too rowdy (which it sounds like she wouldn't be if she's also not well). If she could come round with a book or watch a Christmas film and not really be a bother, then I'd do it - sounds like your Mum has her hands full!

TimeToMuskUp Wed 23-Dec-15 10:37:40

YABU for putting milk in the microwave. YANBU about the rest. Could you text her and simply state that you're not feeling great and would prefer conversations without rudeness in future?

Why can't your sister just go shopping with them, if there's two of them one can take her somewhere fun, the other can do the shopping and errands. We both have parentsand friends who are very hands-on and help us out no end. But there have been times we've had to rearrange/cancel stuff because someone's unwell and it's just how life works. You can't be mardy because someone won't take your child off your hands.

GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 10:38:39

lildaisy I get that but it's not her place to demand and expect for me to do it. I don't feel like having anyone over and that's that. I don't see why I was treated the way I was, that's all sad

ENTirelyTrimmedUpForChristmas Wed 23-Dec-15 10:43:31

I wouldn't want to take an unwell child food shopping, especially this week, if anyone could help out, especially if I was taking two other children.

If I'm honest if I was one of two adults in the house, despite being under the weather, if one of us was well enough to be out of bed then I would help out so long as the 7 year old was unlikely to be made worse by whatever we were suffering from.

Hope you and Dsis feel better soon flowers

Lweji Wed 23-Dec-15 10:44:13

She's being unreasonable towards you and your sister.
Why would she want her child to catch a throat infection from you and your DP?
There are two parents. One can stay at home while the other goes good shopping.
And she was extremely rude to hang up on you like that.

GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 10:46:47

Sincere apologies, because I seemed to have dripped feed. An important thing to keep in mind about my Mum is that she's got an infection from a stomach operation so things aren't easy on her own sometimes.

She can't really bend etc

GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 10:47:26

Which I suppose would make shopping on her own very difficult

Lweji Wed 23-Dec-15 10:47:31

And your dad is an invalid too?
Why can't he do the shopping?

VenusInFauxFurs Wed 23-Dec-15 10:47:33

Will you be benefitting from this Christmas food shop? If your parents are hosting Christmas day then I think it's reasonable for them to expect you to help out today.

Lweji Wed 23-Dec-15 10:49:48

My dad is 80 and is absent minded, but he will do it on his own if necessary.

I'm also not feeling well and my parents are doing their best to let me rest. Rather than impose on me.

ginmakesitallok Wed 23-Dec-15 10:49:49

I think yabu, you should have helped.

GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 10:50:16

Yes, we will be benefiting from the food shop but we didn't know she was doing the big shop today and if I hadn't told her we were in, she wouldn't have even known we were available, so she cannot really expect our help and rely on us.

Honestly, it's not looking after Dsis that's upset me, it's how she spoke to me

Bearbehind Wed 23-Dec-15 10:55:31

But she spoke to you as she did because you weren't prepard to help her out.

You and your DP do sound a bit wet TBH, 2 grown adults who can't look after a child for a short period whilst your mother, who is in pain, goes and buys your Christmas dinner- when did you think she'd buy the food?

ENTirelyTrimmedUpForChristmas Wed 23-Dec-15 10:56:00

It sounds like you're both stressed and on a short fuse.
Food shopping to feed at least seven people isn't a task to look forward to at this time of year, especially if your Mum's unwell herself. With hindsight it's a shame she didn't get most of the stuff in from an internet shop and just pick up a few bits at the end.

Hopefully you can both smooth things over and have a nice Christmas.

Lweji Wed 23-Dec-15 10:58:27

she spoke to you as she did because you weren't prepard to help her out.
No. She could have actually talked and maybe even convinced the OP to help out. She decided to have a strop instead.

GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 10:58:52

In all honesty, maybe I was being unreasonable not to have just had DSis.. But I still can't get my head round why you would just expect it and get annoyed if and throw a tantrum if someone won't have a child round at the drop of a hat hmm

Hullygully Wed 23-Dec-15 11:00:15

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CalleighDoodle Wed 23-Dec-15 11:00:57

She most likely spoke to you in that way because she needs to do the christmas shop. She cant do it alone. She cant take your sister. So She will be thinking that there will be no meals over christmas, thurs ruining christmas. I imagine she fells under a great deal Of stress. I think youre bu to refuse to let your dsis just sit in your house while your parents shop.

Bearbehind Wed 23-Dec-15 11:01:22

She's probably stressed about Christmas and you're not exactly helping.

I agree she could have had a better conversation with you but you shouldn't have needing 'convincing'

I'd be pretty pissed off to think you wouldnt help me out when I was feeling unwell too and I was only needing the help so I could buy and then cook your Christmas dinner.

GlamOn Wed 23-Dec-15 11:01:29

Hully she hang up on me before I could even finish saying I had a sore throat and explaining it to her. That isn't acceptable behaviour

CalleighDoodle Wed 23-Dec-15 11:02:14

Have you really never expected anything from your parents OP? really?

FannyFifer Wed 23-Dec-15 11:02:52

Are you expecting to have your Xmas dinner at your parents?

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Wed 23-Dec-15 11:02:56

If this was reversed and the OP had shouted FINE down the phone to her mother because she wouldn't have her grandchild, there'd be a resounding YABU and a few 'entitleds' thrown in for good measure. How odd.

mintoil Wed 23-Dec-15 11:03:00

I don't understand why your Dad couldn't do the shopping and your DM look after Dsis?

I wouldn't have called my DM back if she had hung up on me (it's the one thing guaranteed to make my blood boil!)

Does she have form for being so chidish? YANBU - I would leave her to stew and hopefully she will apologise for being so nasty when you are unwell.

I hope you feel better soon. flowers

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