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to tell my friend she needs to move

(37 Posts)
2snugglets Tue 22-Dec-15 20:34:23

One of my oldest friends is currently caring for her terminally ill Dm. Her Mum was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour which has now spread to her lungs and bones. Her mum is early 60's. When we were at school her Df got lung cancer which spread quickly to bones and he died within a couple of months of being diagnosed. Also, even more tragically she had an older sister who died from cancer as a teenager, sh.
Her family have lived in a large farm house which is very grand and will be passed onto my friend when her mum dies, she intends to move in as it is the house she grew up in. She has two very young children.
My Dh is convinced that the house is sitting on something radioactive or toxic and I feel his theory is right so I worry this would be a death sentence for her or her children should she move in. AIBU to say something to her, I am doing my best to support her through this awful time. I go round and look after her children so she can spend time with her mum, she has her heart set on moving in as feels this is what her family would want and would be looking down on her.

Meow75 Tue 22-Dec-15 20:37:12

Or, she may need testing to see if she carries the gene that increases the likelihood of cancer.

For a different reason, I would not live there - the memories. My MH would suffer immensely.

PinotAndPlaydough Tue 22-Dec-15 20:38:46

Please don't say anything, she's got enough going on with out hearing about your husbands theories hmm
It would be very insensitive especially as it's probably a load of bollocks. You can't go around saying stuff like that to people, the planned move is obviously a source of comfort to her don't taint it with something bad that has no basis in fact.

Witchend Tue 22-Dec-15 20:40:39

Sounds very unlikely. How did this horrendous radioactivity appear in just that spot?

And I suspect she might find it comforting to go and live there. I would.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 22-Dec-15 20:42:19

I'm another one who would be more concerned about genetics

Chopz Tue 22-Dec-15 20:42:24

Google radon gas. Houses can be tested for it and it can be treated/rectified.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Tue 22-Dec-15 20:42:36

How ridiculous. You would be outrageously insensitive to do this.

pictish Tue 22-Dec-15 20:43:06

"My Dh is convinced that the house is sitting on something radioactive or toxic and I feel his theory is right so I worry this would be a death sentence for her or her children should she move in."

I think you need to keep that part to yourself as it would be an insensitive and bizarre thing to say.

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 22-Dec-15 20:44:35

If it's got those massive electric things over it your dh might have a point.

PenelopePitstops Tue 22-Dec-15 20:46:47

You sound bonkers. People get cancer, it's just bad luck.

CocktailQueen Tue 22-Dec-15 20:47:48

It's more likely there is a genetic component.

It wouldn't do any harm for you to google this or research it yourself but I wouldn't say anything to your friend about it!

Your poor friend.

Toffeelatteplease Tue 22-Dec-15 20:51:28

Oh yes move if it is near pylons or power lines

Trills Tue 22-Dec-15 20:53:07

My Dh is convinced that the house is sitting on something radioactive or toxic

You sound ridiculous.

Lightbulbon Tue 22-Dec-15 20:53:29

If df was a smoker then that's probably what caused his lc.

There is a possibility there could be an environmental cause or it could be genetic or both but it would be insensitive to say anything atm

BrandNewAndImproved Tue 22-Dec-15 20:53:38

That's the words I was searching for toffee.

Lots of farms have these overhead and they really aren't any good.

juneau Tue 22-Dec-15 20:57:45

Her DM, DF and DSis have all died/are dying of cancer? Poor woman, how absolutely awful for her.

I think I'd want to test for a genetic link, if it was me, if only so I could do what I could to protect my DC's health down the line. I'd also want to get that house checked for radon gas. A buddy of mine bought a house and there was radon in the basement. They had to get it treated before they could move in. Large electrical pylons running overhead or close by are also a known cancer risk. Can you sensitively suggest she gets things checked out before she commits to moving in?

2snugglets Tue 22-Dec-15 20:58:07

Thanks for the replies, I just wanted to put it out there. I did also think unfortunate genetics until my husband said something. My poor poor friend, it's so sad.

juneau Tue 22-Dec-15 21:00:16

PS. Don't say 'my DH thinks that the house is sitting on something radioactive or toxic'. You need to find a much more tactful way to address it.

Unreasonablebetty Tue 22-Dec-15 21:02:18

Sounds more likely to be genealogical issue.

DHs gran had cancer of the stomach, which was removed.... Very early days of cancer being discovered from my understanding, which saw half of her stomach removed, she had 7 children, four of which have died of cancer.
One aunt and uncle died within a month of eachother.
Auntie Bs husband also had cancer which he died from- crazy coincidence.
Auntie Bs daughter- DHs cousin had cancerous cells in her cervix, tests were done on most of family and they all get kept an extra special eye on by the Drs because of their family history.

Please don't try to fill your friends head with shit, she won't need it.
Would be best to maybe find a leaflet about gene testing. Forewarned is forearmed.

2snugglets Tue 22-Dec-15 21:03:37

Neither parent smoked, her Dad would have been late 40's when he died and his started as lung cancer. Her sister died of bone cancer aged 16 and her mum now has both lung and bone cancer. Friend has both maternal grandparents still alive who do not live near her and are in their 90's.

Castrovalva Tue 22-Dec-15 21:04:30

Is the house in any of these areas OP?

www.ukradon.org/information/ukmaps

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive Tue 22-Dec-15 21:05:20

I don't think you should say anything.

However there is potentially something in it. My MIL lived in a small village, the year she died and around they had a huge unexplained spike in cancer deaths. They had something like 4 cancer funerals in the entire previous year, but 17 to October in the year she died. There were a lot more people with cancers which didn't prove fatal than would be expected too. There were also a surprising amount of child cancers in the same area at the same time. It's generally accepted in the village that something happened to cause this at some point, likely something to do with the water supply and perhaps improper disposal of agricultural chemicals. But that must have been a long time before this all happened.

Your husband could be right that some sort of environmental factor contributed to the death of her family. But it's unlikely to be still present. You saying something would scare her unnecessarily. Just leave it.

2snugglets Tue 22-Dec-15 21:08:47

I will talk to her about if she will consider genetic testing. She's very open with me about everything. She has 24/7 carers in at the minute at a cost of nearly £1k a week. She is using money from parents other assets to pay for it and will not consider selling the house.

BooyakaTurkeyisMassive Tue 22-Dec-15 21:10:41

Just read about the Radon testing and changed my mind, that might be worth mentioning.

karalime Tue 22-Dec-15 21:10:46

I assume your husband is a qualified medical doctor or nuclear physicist? If you are so concerned please get environmental health around asap.

Or we could just accept that unfortunately, we all have to die of something and as we live longer and are not dying or cholera or childbirth, it is likely that more and more of us will get cancer.

Please support your friend and not give her anymore to worry about.

Plus everyone scared of electricity pylons - you know that the overwhelming majority of electromagnetic radiation that passes though us comes from the sun, right? Don't lick them and you'll be fine.

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