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Who is unreasonable

(128 Posts)
Snowflake98 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:28:37

I realise how stupid this is, but have argued with DH and am really not sure if I have been awful. If it has any bearing I am pregnant and have been in and out of hospital with serious complications.

I spent most of today wrapping presents upstairs while DH played with children and watched Christmas movies with them.
I came down when finished, they had all just finished their evening meal, none saved for me. I was a little fed up so DH offered to make me something, I asked for a simple meal but was told it was a waste of ingredients for one person. I told DH not to bother then and went out to kitchen to make toast. DH told me he would do it, I said I was fine. He grabbed the knife in my hand, I refused to let go of it so he yelled at me and grabbed my wrist to force it from my hand. It hurt a lot and I was crying, so I trod on his foot to try and shock him into letting go of me. He swore at me and called me abusive and has stormed out. My wrist hurts but is not marked.

We are both wrong I know, but should I be worried about his temper and grabbing me? This is totally out of character for both of us.

CalleighDoodle Tue 22-Dec-15 19:35:15

You spent most of the day in your room
Wrapping presents and only came down after the evening meal?! wtf?!

gobbynorthernbird Tue 22-Dec-15 19:37:39

That really isn't the issue here, Calleigh. OP, your DH is completely out of order.

Seeyounearertime Tue 22-Dec-15 19:38:07

It sounds like a 50/50 split to me, what meal did you ask him to make for you? Why didn't you go down during the day? Why did he not ask of you wanted my of what theunhd? What did thay have?
There's more to this I think. hmm

teacher54321 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:38:32

Sounds like terrible communication and a bit odd. Why would he not call you down for dinner?

Snowflake98 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:38:48

Well I started this morning, stopped for a couple of hours when a guest came and had lunch, and then went back up and wrapped solid for about five hours. (I do stockings for everyone inc grandparents and any guests coming so lots of little fiddly presents to wrap).

saoirse31 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:39:25

Slightly bizarre he didn't include u in dinner, slightly Ott to demand he make u another, why wouldn't u just get something yourself?
Have to say I wonder did u say 'I'm fine' in v martyred tones...

He's more in wrong over hurting you, tho u presumably hurt him too. He's wrong to shout at u, ur wrong to be a martyr. Tbh wonder r you both v prone to over reaction.

Otoh if its out of character I guess you both need to talk, calmly. .

Tealtowel Tue 22-Dec-15 19:40:39

Do you normally make yourselves meals without asking if the other one wants one?

He should not have grabbed your wrist at all. Has he apologised?

TheBoysMamma Tue 22-Dec-15 19:40:53

I think he was wrong he grabbed you first sounds like you defended yourself to stop him from hurting you

Snowflake98 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:41:36

He didn't make me dinner, they all had something I would not have liked anyway.

I asked for pasta with sauce (premade in jar).

I didn't come down before as I needed to get it finished as won't have much chance to wrap after today and wanted an evening with family.

ImperialBlether Tue 22-Dec-15 19:43:03

Why didn't he cook for you when he was cooking for himself and the children? What would happen if he came home from work and you'd all eaten and you shouted at him when he said he wanted something to eat?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:43:04

Both of you are u.

WickedWax Tue 22-Dec-15 19:43:21

Lack of communication, lack of respect and physical violence on both sides. All sounds pretty shit really.

teacher54321 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:43:54

So they had something you didn't even like?? Sounds like a total overreaction on both your parts TBH.

Champagneformyrealfriends Tue 22-Dec-15 19:44:12

It sounds to me like you were both a bit over wrought and in the wrong. Has he apologised?

Snowflake98 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:44:33

I didn't demand he made me another meal, when I asked if they had eaten he said yes and I asked if any was saved for me, he said no because I wouldn't have liked what they had. I made to go to kitchen and he said sit down, that he will get it. I said thank you, I was going to have pasta, and he said what a waste of sauce for just me (only a stir through sauce).

Snowflake98 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:45:37

He hasn't apologised, he stormed out and hasn't returned.

Champagneformyrealfriends Tue 22-Dec-15 19:48:48

I'm pregnant too snowflake and I understand that emotions run high on both sides sometimes. Please try not to let this spoil your Xmas-if its out of character then I'd let it go when he comes back if you can. Xx

Whatever the argument, he shouldn't have grabbed your wrist. I expect you're a bit shocked if your relationship is usually 'normal' and loving. How are you feeling now, is the atmosphere back to calm in the house now?

Jw35 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:51:31

He sounds like a knob. I don't think you were in the wrong for stamping on his foot after he hurt you, that's just self defence. How is pasta and sauce too many ingredients? All sounds wrong to me. Also 5 hours wrapping! shock yanbu

TheSecondViola Tue 22-Dec-15 19:53:15

You spent over 7 hours wrapping presents? How is that even possible?
Sounds like both of you are rather childish, sulky and aggressive.

CherryPits Tue 22-Dec-15 19:54:03

Was he drinking? Sounds a bit extreme to me, tbh. A bit out of whack with reality.

Is there something else going on with you both?

honeysucklejasmine Tue 22-Dec-15 19:54:29

Presumably you were doing all the wrapping for the family. It would have been nice for him to ask if you wanted dinner when he was cooking anyway!

I guess you both need to calm down for a bit then talk it through. flowers

Snowflake98 Tue 22-Dec-15 19:56:39

No, no drinking.
Well it has been stressful with pregnancy complications - I have been very ill and unfortunately he has had to do more at home because of this.
We are normally very loving and happy, but DH has been a bit grumpy and snappy the last couple of days.

LittleBearPad Tue 22-Dec-15 19:56:57

Was everything ok when you went upstairs? Why was he in such a bad mood when you came down?

Why make dinner for himself and the kids that you don't like and with no leftovers for you or call you down to dinner.

All in all he shouldn't have grabbed you and I hope you're ok but it all sounds very odd.

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