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To ask about your experiences of PND and how did you know you had it?

(42 Posts)
midnightsunshine Tue 22-Dec-15 14:41:06

Baby is 14weeks. Feel tired, sad, counting the hours until DH gets home so I can take a break (6hours to go...)
I love my son but feel like I'm not enjoying the baby stage much, everything feels uphill. Is this normal?

Until a few days ago he was sleeping through from 11pm-6am but now he wakes at 3am and 5am for a feed I have no idea why but the sleep deprivation is dragging me down and I'm running on coffee. He used to nap in his cot for a few hours in day but now he'll only nap on me!?

Eating feels like a chore, I'm underweight and BF but can't get up to get food without waking baby (who will then cry until he falls asleep on my lap again).

How did you know if you were slipping into PND and did antidepressants help? Or did you manage to lift yourself out of it without medication?

GoApeShit Tue 22-Dec-15 14:43:02

Sorry to hear you're going through this. The early days are HARD. Really hard. But I promise it does get easier and better.

My PND wasn't actually picked up until DS was six months old. It manifested itself as anxiety and me being a bitch to DH.

Book yourself a GP appointment and talk things through - you'll feel better just for doing that. thankscake

leedy Tue 22-Dec-15 15:09:23

Yes, agree that a chat with your GP would be helpful (and that the early days are hard even when you don't have PND). For me, I started to have crippling anxiety and insomnia when DS1 was a month or so old, mornings in particular were hideous, everything seemed sort of greyed out and painful. Eventually I found I was spending most of every morning either crying or having panic attacks and decided I needed help. Perhaps fortuitously my dad had suffered from depression when I was younger and was v open about his symptoms and treatment so I think that helped me a)spot that something was genuinely wrong and b)not think twice about seeking help.

I personally needed medication after a few weeks of counselling on its own didn't help much. Psych team in my maternity hospital were able to find me a BF-safe one (Lustral/sertraline). Once I got the dosage right (needed to go up a bit from the minimum effective dose) I was like a new woman, and had no problems weaning off it a year or so later. Not saying that you'll necessarily need it but it can be very helpful for some women and was an absolute lifesaver for me.

Also I didn't have it at all with DS2 and the difference in my ability to cope with newborn bootcamp was amazing.

redexpat Tue 22-Dec-15 15:22:57

From what youve posted it could be pnd, and it could just be sleep deprivation, but I think it wiuld be wise to see the gp regardless. I have sympathy - bfing is really hard work. Is rhere anyone who can bring you food?

redexpat Tue 22-Dec-15 15:24:57

i meant you have my sympathy

Diddlydokey Tue 22-Dec-15 15:27:00

You sound sleep deprived to me - I felt like it could be PND a few times but getting some good sleep always made me feel so much better that I put it down to that in the end.

It's fine to not enjoy the baby stage - all about survival in my opinion. Do try to eat and get out for some fresh air though as both will make you feel better. Sometimes the baby just has to fuss while you make yourself some toast - it only takes two minutes but you need fuel for your day. I ate a LOT of toast!!

Diddlydokey Tue 22-Dec-15 15:28:36

Just to add, I am obviously a stranger on the internet and not a GP - no harm at all in a quick chat.

MrsJayy Tue 22-Dec-15 15:34:13

I was paranoid (thought people were going to take my baby) i was exhausted and numb to everything i was overly obsessed about getting a break waiting on her dad to get home i acted like a stroppy madame and stomped about. I also just did what i had to with my baby feed change burp etc i had no connection i also self neglected it was horrifi I was not diagnosed for 7 months . If you are not feeling right please go to your Gp

MrsJayy Tue 22-Dec-15 15:37:28

Fwiw not every woman has the same symptoms it can differ

elliejjtiny Tue 22-Dec-15 15:42:56

I knew I had PND with DS1 because someone I knew said they had it and they seemed less hormonal/weepy than me! With my youngest the midwives on the postnatal ward got the dr to prescribe something because I couldn't stop crying. With my middle 3 I had a few tablets left over from previous times so I just started taking them when I started feeling rubbish and booked an appointment with the GP. I had anti-ds (sertraline) each time. 100mg with DS1, 50mg with DS2, DS3 and DS4, 150mg with DS5.

qazxc Tue 22-Dec-15 15:53:48

Everybody differs. I had trouble bonding with dd, just felt like I was babysitting for a really long the time, she didn't feel like mine iyswim. Then it got better but when she was about six months I became very anxious. Things on the news would set me off, I'd imagine me and DD in those scenarios (fatal crashes, plane crashes, the refugees drowning.....). I started to avoid social media, television, radio even shops that had the newspapers as you walk in to avoid the images. I would suddenly get panicky when out walking with the baby that a car would mount the pavement and kill us. I knew,then that things weren't right but was afraid to tell in case they took my child off me thinking I was a danger to her. Eventually I bit the bullet and went to go, she was very supportive and put me on Prozac, it's taking a while but am gradually feeling better (been on it for over 6 months)

LHReturns Tue 22-Dec-15 16:02:37

I was the same as leedy and crippling anxiety started soon after I stopped breastfeeding (at 4 month stage). I don't know why it happened, but it coincided with end of the summer and darker colder days. I went from October to February feeling absolutely dreadful. As other posters said - panic attacks, total insomnia (I mean NO sleep), and constantly crying in controllably for very long sessions. There was a grey haze over my world, and when I thought about my future I saw the longest darkest tunnel, with no end, filled with regret at ruining my happy life by having a baby.

I started escitalopram after 5 months of this misery (I am not a 'therapy person'), and within 6 weeks I was much much better. I am still on a low dose, but now think my son (now 18 months) is the most delicious icon my world has ever known. Starting the drugs was hard though - felt worse at first.

No one else in my life could help me at the time....they knew I was a basket case but felt helpless, so no one dragged me off to the doctor. I had to reach this conclusion and do it myself. There was no way I would have got better naturally. I was literally a crazy woman, and how my DP (to be husband next month) stuck by me I will never know.

Good luck OP...personally I am envious that have a beautiful new baby, so I must be better! After my experience I have monumental respect for women and what they suffer through (even without PND babies is such a monster challenge).

I would just say that I wish I had started my treatment earlier so I could have started to enjoy my baby sooner.

HildaOgdensCoffeeTable Tue 22-Dec-15 16:03:03

I think I had it from around DD being 2 months old to DD being 1. I felt that dd "deserved a better mum" & often cried, but also ashamed that i felt like that. after 3 months eventually spoke to my HV who got me to do the Edinburgh test & then saw a GP who prescribed Citalopram. I took it for 5 months.

LHReturns Tue 22-Dec-15 16:06:45

Oh qazxc that was so me too. Every bad thing in the world cut me far too deep inside, and I became crazily paranoid about something happening to my DS (even though I too was not bonded at all).

Even more recently (when better) I studied that picture of that little refugee boy on the beach for hours agonising over his fate, and wishing I could have rescued him. His position just like my DS sleeps tortured me.

Doublebubblebubble Tue 22-Dec-15 16:13:30

I didn't realise I had it until I started looking back.

With my DD I wouldn't let anyone but me hold her... I had to carry her birth certificate with us everywhere ( for what reason I dont know) I started feeling better between 6-8months. Looking back I think I had it fairly mildly. Definitely have a word with your hv. I've got a 9 week old ds and she's been nothing but supportive. (no signs of pnd just yet) x

MadgeMak Tue 22-Dec-15 16:20:49

No advice on whether you have PND or not, and others have already given you some good advice anyway on what to do if you suspect you have. But in terms of your baby suddenly not sleeping as well, Google the four month sleep regression as this is probably why sleep has gone tits up, it will pass. It's also quite normal for them to want to sleep on you I'm afraid, I'd strongly advice going along to a sling meet if you can and hiring or buying a decent sling so baby can still nap on you whilst you can carry on as normal hands free. Both my babies didn't want to be put down, I fought against it with my first making myself utterly miserable in the process. With my second, sling from day one until the time came when he was happy to sleep alone, a much happier experience for all of us. Good luck.

Sunnyshores Tue 22-Dec-15 16:33:36

I would talk to your GP or HV. A friend of mine has just been diagnosed and her GP said there comes a point when you cant just snap out of it yourself. Apparently your happiness chemicals (seratonen maybe) reproduce, rather than are produced by the body. So after a period of depression they reach nil and can not therefore reproduce. The only way to get these chemicals back into your body is to take a pill. flowers

MrsUnderwood Tue 22-Dec-15 16:45:47

I'm sorry you're going through this and you're not alone. I think I had PND with my 1st child and was too scared to seek help in case they took her away for me. Mine manifested in anxiety, and thoughts that I might harm myself or the baby. She had a tongue tie that made feeding excruciating in the early days and was very colicky and would only ever sleep or nap if i breastfed her. I hated her babyhood, I wish i could have enjoyed it!

Visit your GP and explain how you feel. It doesn't make you a bad mother.

Willdoitinaminute Tue 22-Dec-15 17:21:46

DS was 10 months, I'd had a crap pregnancy, DF died when DS was 4 months old and a very close friends teenage daughter was tragically killed not long after. I was back at work and initially couldn't wait to see DS at the end of the days I worked. I knew something was wrong when I stopped looking forward to collecting him from nursery. I also became very paranoid thinking that people weren't really interested in me in social situations. Funnily though work was the only place I felt OK despite having very stressful job I could cope with everything there but not at home.
I had an irrational fear of losing DS ( associated with friends loss of child). What made me high tail it to GPs were dark thoughts that losing DS before he was 1 would be far easier than losing him when he was a teenager.
I can understand where the urge to kill your own child, as a result of severe pnd, comes from. Fortunately I was able to see the early signs before it became serious.
It wasn't a sad or weepy time. I just felt dead inside. I remember arriving home one night feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. Yelling at my DH I ran into the middle of the field next to where we live and just screamed.
Sorry for the length of the post, I have never really talked about it in RL apart from with GP and Dsis.
I was prescribed fluoxetine for 9 months which did the trick.

midnightsunshine Tue 22-Dec-15 17:45:06

Thanks ladies

I suspect I do have mild PND or the start of it, will speak to GP.
I have periods during day of feeling happy, almost euphoric, but then my mood suddenly drops and I cry and feel awful. I've also been getting angry with my DH and over-sensitive to little things he says (last night he conplained I hadn't made salad for ages and we had a big row, he doesn't realise how difficult it is to make salad or do anything that involves putting baby down for more than 5mins!)

Double, I have a BabyBjorn OneCarrier that I use as much as possible but I get sciatica-type back pain if I carry him in it every day. Have a fabric sling too but he wriggles in it and it works loose.

midnightsunshine Tue 22-Dec-15 17:52:36

Interesting about the link with anxiety. I get irrationally anxious and have intrusive thoughts about things happening to DS, last week I shouted at a waiter for lifting plates over the pram as I was terrified a steak knife would fall on him.
I also check several times at night that the bottle-warmer is unplugged and go round house twice checking switches are off and moving things away from radiators blush

I wish I could just relax and feel calm throughout the day! Sometimes going out seems so overwhelming I end up crying before we've left the house and we stay in yet again.

MadgeMak Tue 22-Dec-15 18:20:44

If you can get to a sling meet they will be able to advise you on the best sling for you, there really is so many different types that there will be one that will work specifically for your situation. If a fabric one is coming loose then it's probably just a case of someone really knowledgeable tutoring you in how to to tie optimally, once you've mastered how to tie securely it shouldn't be possible for baby to become loose. I still carry my huge and very wriggly 19month old in a ring sling.

NotAClueReally3 Wed 23-Dec-15 19:10:12

I was diagnosed when DD was 6 weeks old... Just couldn't cope and felt like there was a cold fist crushing my heart and a dark cloud over me. Fucking awful. My advice is to get to the dr ASAP. My recovery was long and arduous but I did it. Meds are a godsend IMO as is therapy. You can and will get better but help is so important, so pls don't waste any time in taking the first steps to getting better.

CPtart Wed 23-Dec-15 20:17:21

I felt very much like you. Didn't enjoy the early months, bone tired, anxious, counting the hours away etc etc, and then I stopped bf and went back to work p/t when DS was almost 4 months and it all changed. The cloud lifted. I handed some responsibility to others and felt 1000% times better. Regained some sense of normality. I don't know whether I ever had a touch of PND, or whether I was just shell shocked with the relentless demands of early motherhood.

elf0508 Wed 23-Dec-15 20:21:10

I was diagnosed when my baby was four months old. I was diagnosed simply because I told anybody in sight I wanted to kill him blush I still feel like this blush but I've been able to put it down as being a totally shit mother and not motherly at all

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