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To cancel the Christmas night get together

(34 Posts)
AJFsmummy Tue 22-Dec-15 13:27:58

Ok, I had a dinner party at my mums in Aug and as every year there is a family get together Christmas night, I offered (stupidly) not thinking how skint me and OH are going to be at Christmas as we have both set new businesses up, my DD is staying with her Dad C/eve and OH kids are with their mum this year......We have just done our month end finances and they are not looking good. Even a call I'm going to make to the landlord about difficulty paying rent is going to be a phone call I don't want to make ( I want to take another propranolol just thinking about it)

We have already got some food in etc and bits and bobs for the evening, and the other family members are bringing stuff but it's just one thing I cannot face - everyone getting on like everything is ok, my OH isn't exactly good at coping with stress he goes incredibly quiet and then when the next day it's straight back down to earth with the massive stress and struggle that's upon on us.

It might sound incredibly selfish but I am just not the kind of person that can laugh stress off, I don't want to drink much as that makes stress and my depression worse.

As we haven't got our kids until boxing day this year, I just want to curl up in a ball, eat Christmas dinner and go back to bed.

I feel so guilty for feeling like this, I just cannot get into the mindset / spirit of Christmas.

I have just emailed my mum now pretty much saying this, I'm expecting an email back with a capital-lettered-written-rant

IamlovedbyG Tue 22-Dec-15 13:35:38

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sonders Tue 22-Dec-15 13:36:07

YANBU, you need to look after your mental health as much as your physical health and it seems a calm night in would hugely help your stress levels.

The family backlash sucks though, I've been nearly exactly where you are (but no DCs) and the guilty feeling doesn't ever go away, it's just something to learn to deal with when you know that you're making the best decision.

I think yabu a bit, at such late notice. If it's family, surely they'll be willing to all chip in and bring extra stuff? And being sociable would probably be better than being on your own with OH, feeling miserable.

knobblyknee Tue 22-Dec-15 13:40:08

YANBU. Your health comes first. Its bloody unreasonable to expect people to just cope, especially financially. I'm sure people wouldn't insist on you bravely struggling through if one of you was hospitalised.
Hang on in there flowers

TheSecondViola Tue 22-Dec-15 13:40:10

YABVU. You're going to cancel lots of people for Christmas night itself, plans that have been in place since August, only a few days before hand? I could never do that save for actual real illness, and would be beyond unimpressed if I was one of the invitees.

If you get a less than pleasant email back (and bad form emailing in the first place, a phone call is the least you can do) then its no more than you deserve.

2rebecca Tue 22-Dec-15 13:44:00

If they are bringing stuff to share the financial burden then I'd have thought cancelling the event would be more stressful than just getting on with it. If you're anxious sharing some of your anxieties with your family might help.

AJFsmummy Tue 22-Dec-15 13:47:27

Well I didn't get an unpleasant email back, my Num has emailed back sying she knew something was wrong when she rang me last night.

Mum has offered to have it at hers and she will just tell everyone my oven has broke and I cant get a replacement until the 28th, which is lovely of her, I'm just crumbling with worry about everything, I'm crap at acting like everything is ok.

knobblyknee Tue 22-Dec-15 13:53:33

Result! Dont act like everything is ok, you dont have to. Your family sounds lovely. Thank her and try to have a relaxing Xmas.

Atenco Tue 22-Dec-15 13:57:21

What a lovely mother you have, OP. Good luck with your businesses!

AJFsmummy Tue 22-Dec-15 14:04:52

Thank you ladies : ) xx

OnlyLovers Tue 22-Dec-15 14:11:58

Glad it worked out, OP. Before I read your update I was going to suggest asking the family for help/support/extra food, so it's sort of worked out that way!

I hope you have a lovely time and your finances and everything improve.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 22-Dec-15 14:16:28

Ah bless your mum for that.
I really hope you have something to look forward to in 2016.

ohtheholidays Tue 22-Dec-15 14:23:18

Really glad your Mum's going to help out,we've been there before ourselves OP and I know how bloody awful it makes you feel.You've done the right thing for yourself and your OH.

I hope by this time next year that things have really picked up financially for you and your OH. smile

MrsBalustradeLanyard Tue 22-Dec-15 14:30:27

Ahhh that's a lovely Mum you have smileflowers

AJFsmummy Tue 22-Dec-15 14:33:53

I know, Bless her, I was expecting the worst! But I think she knows how hard we are working so she doesn't mind xoxox

Fivegomad Tue 22-Dec-15 14:36:09

YABVU. You're going to cancel lots of people for Christmas night itself, plans that have been in place since August, only a few days before hand? I could never do that save for *actual real illness*and would be beyond unimpressed if I was one of the invitees.

Just a little, but important note -mental illness is a real illness....

pictish Tue 22-Dec-15 14:41:02

Aww kudos to your mum.

StealthPolarBear Tue 22-Dec-15 14:45:04

Came on to say the same five.
Best wishes for 2016 op

OnlyLovers Tue 22-Dec-15 14:46:43

And yes, would like to add that this I could never do that save for actual real illness is at best an ill-informed and ignorant thing to say, and at worst really vile.

TheSecondViola Tue 22-Dec-15 14:46:49

I know that, but since OP didn't mention illness, mental or otherwise, the point stands. Feeling stressed isn't a mental illness. Not wanting to host is not a mental illness.

StealthPolarBear Tue 22-Dec-15 14:47:18

Sress and depression??

OnlyLovers Tue 22-Dec-15 14:47:35

Perhaps you missed the bit where the OP mentions her depression?

thelaundryfairy Tue 22-Dec-15 14:47:44

What a great mum! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.

TheSecondViola Tue 22-Dec-15 14:53:19

If that was the reason then why not say so properly then? OF course mental illness is real illness, my point was its not a sudden acute change to anything that warrants such a last minute change of plans. It wasn't diagnosed yesterday.
The point being OP could have given people more notice. It's not ok to mess other people around like that. Not that it matters here when clearly OP knew her mother could host instead....

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