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To be upset that on one is ever interested in me?

(29 Posts)
Tiliana Tue 22-Dec-15 12:46:07

I ask people questions, I listen, I show interest in others, I like and comment on FB.

Yet no one is ever interested in me or asks me a question about myself.

I went out for lunch with a large group of friends last week. Not one person asked me anything about myself or my life (and yes, I asked questions/listened/was interested in what they all had to say).

I went out to London last month for a day with a friend and a group of women that I vaguely know through her. Again not one person asked me anything about myself or showed any interest in me.

On FB, all the mums from school like each others photos and comment on each others stuff. No one is in the slightest bit interested in me though.

Fed up with it all.

knobblyknee Tue 22-Dec-15 12:48:28

YANBU, but, maybe try offering some info about yourself to get the ball rolling?

Tiliana Tue 22-Dec-15 12:49:47

I do, knobblyknee but it rarely gets acknowledged. None of the mums from school can even bring themselves to like my FB photos once in a blue moon.

Unreasonablebetty Tue 22-Dec-15 13:21:35

Oh Hun, it's awful feeling on the outskirts of groups, like no one likes you or cares. It's awful.
Do you have any friends who are interested? Or family?
It's really hard sometimes, how is your general confidence and self worth?
I struggle with both and feel that's maybe why people aren't interested in me... Maybe you can work on them things if they are an issue for you.

Failing all that I'll be your mate!!

TheWoodenSpoonOfMischief Tue 22-Dec-15 13:22:10

Maybe you've been unfortunate enough to come across mostly those who love to talk about themselves.
Do you get on with the school mums generally? Fb often affects people negatively. I think you have to accept it for what it is - often cliquey and me, me, me!

Sonders Tue 22-Dec-15 13:27:58

Slightly unrelated but the low number of likes on FB might not be their faults.

The way their newsfeed work is by showing people posts based on their past activity - so if you posted a few pics with no likes, FB thinks that your posts are less interesting! Try tagging a few people and asking questions to get them interacting with you again and then your posts should start showing up more.

As part of my job I coach small businesses on social media and the same principles apply ;)

YANBU about real-life conversations, I have a similar group of friends that didn't find out I was engaged for 3 months because they didn't once ask what was going on in my life.

ffs78 Tue 22-Dec-15 13:28:23

Op I sympathise. I have often felt the same way. I don't think it's particularly anything against you I think that different people have different approaches to dealing with others. Some, like you and I, like to ask questions to initiate conversations whereas others find it easier tontalk about themselves to initiate responses and get a conversation going that way. I now try a bit of both - I show interest in others but will volunteer bits of info about myself too. Even if it feels like trivial rubbish, they learn something about me and perhaps feel more comfortable around me as a result. Sometimes I get very little response but now and then I'll get a "me too!" type reaction and a conversation ensues. I find that if I make jokes about aspects of my life that tends to get a positive reaction.

As for Facebook - it's bizarre the things that get responses and the things that don't. I guess it depends on the mood of the person when they glance through their news feed and what they feel like reacting to. Don't assume that people aren't interested just because they don't post. I recently got into the subject of photography with another mum and she suddenly turned to me and remarked on how wonderful the photos are on Facebook that I take of my children. She's never commented once!

Best approach to take is to not seek validation from others at all and just be yourself and enjoy your life. Who cares who's interested?!

SixtyFootDoll Tue 22-Dec-15 13:30:40

Don't worry about Facebook.
I know what you mean about conversations though, I know the names of my colleagues kids, my friends brothers, sisters etc;
No one seems to have the remotest interest in me or my family.
Wonder if it might be that I'm too nosy?

Gottagetmoving Tue 22-Dec-15 13:33:45

Most people who get attention put themselves forward. they talk about themselves. Some are very 'in your face'
You sound like a listener so people let you listen and don't think to ask about you.

As for Facebook, pictures of cats...people always comment on daft cat pictures grin

mrsglowglow Tue 22-Dec-15 13:35:56

I know a few mums like that who will make a beeline towards me in the playground and spend the whole time telling me about their hectic lives, how wonderful their children are and also themselves. We have known each other for years and people think we are good friends. I cannot get one word in so have resorted to either nodding and smiling or avoiding them. Its as if to them I have no life or children! One of them had the nerve to ask why I hadn't told her about a member of my family who had been ill for 2 months a) she has never asked how I was ever and b)she was too busy telling me all about her. Luckily I have a few close friends and work mates who are more on my wavelength. I'd steer clear of these people if you can - there are nicer people out there.

TheSecondViola Tue 22-Dec-15 13:36:35

The thing is though, one person, 2 people even several....but every single person you meet? That suggests there is a bit more to it than simply everyone else is an arse, which is unlikely.
I imagine other people you know would describe your interactions somewhat differently than you. Possibly you don't appreciate more subtle conversation?

CastaDiva Tue 22-Dec-15 13:40:03

Facebook is a red herring, OP, it's some dopey, awful parody of actual 'friendships' and 'liking', so I would completely discount that.

On the face to face issue, yes, perhaps you are unlucky enough to have surrounded yourself with self-obsessed bores, but on the assumption that these people are actually your friends, and basically nice, and if literally no one asking you any questions about yourself ever is a longterm issue, rather than just a couple of social occasions, I think you may need to ask yourself what is might be about your own behaviour socially that is causing or at least contributing to this?

My own mother, for instance, can never understand why no one ever asks her about herself, but one of the reasons is that she continually carries the conversation into the other person's territory, agrees endlessly with them about everything, and gives the impression she is dying to hear every last detail of something, so the effect is that she 'disappears' conversationally, rather than figuring as another person who is different to the talker and who might expect any kind of conversational give and take. Which she then resents, even though her own behaviour contributes

This is her, rather than you, obviously, but can you think if there is anything along those lines you are doing? Are your questions about other people's lives, which you clearly think of as being 'Here I am, doing my bit asking about you, now you get to ask about me', in fact giving others the impression you have nothing to say, no desire to talk, and a huge interest in what they did at the weekend?

Tiliana Tue 22-Dec-15 15:42:04

The thing I find ultra sickening is everyone else gets asked stuff in front of me but no one asks me.

It probably is my fault, I am probably not interesting enough.

CastaDiva Tue 22-Dec-15 16:44:35

I don't think anyone's said that, OP. But there is possibly something you are doing that is making other people think that you think that...? Do you feel you are 'not interesting enough'?

RaskolnikovsGarret Tue 22-Dec-15 17:14:15

I meet loads of people like that who love to talk about themselves and forget that I have a life too. I avoid them now, can't be bothered. It gets boring asking all the questions when I actually have lots to say! I sympathise OP, but advise you to avoid. They are self centred and dull.

ffs78 Tue 22-Dec-15 18:26:06

You may just be a bit misunderstood op! I'm rather shy so I expect a bit of that but at a works do they apologised to me for swearing confused and one of them said they'd like to see me drunk to see the real me! I was utterly gobsmacked! How on earth did I become Mother Theresa?!

Maybe people just haven't "got" you yet. It's hard to not be invited but people do tend to stick with whet they know. Just try and get out as much as you can, say yes whenever you are invited and doors will gradually open, I'm sure.

Rpj16 Tue 22-Dec-15 18:32:02

Aaw op, I bet you are interesting! Maybe you have a very dry sense of humour like me - comes across as boring sometimes, but to the right people, hilarious - just say whatever you like in converstaion, safe in the knowledge people won't be paying attention. They soon will! Focus on yourself and not the others. No point trying to join a clique!

Rpj16 Tue 22-Dec-15 18:33:25

Oh following that, im bot suggesting to be a bitch ;) that's not what I'm saying!! Haha

WhitePhantom Tue 22-Dec-15 18:38:49

I think if you spend too much time asking people about themselves, and not putting yourself "out there", it might give the impression that you're very private and don't want to talk about yourself. Start talking about yourself and see what happens!

Tiliana Wed 23-Dec-15 15:55:49

The thing is, even when I do talk about myself, it's rarely acknowledged and doesn't lead anywhere, whilst when others talk about themselves it leads to others asking them loads of questions.

When I met my friends for lunch the other day one friend was late because she'd been seeing another friend and she was treated like a long lost hero when she arrived with people asking her about how her kids were, what she'd been up to, how is her job going etc.

CastaDiva Wed 23-Dec-15 16:51:22

This is beginning to sound slightly programmatic, OP, as if you want your rightful slot of 'airtime' - is it that you feel no one is actually hearing you and responding to you at all, in your entire friendship group or groups? What about when you see these people individually? Are these people real friends with whom you have ongoing personal relationships, or just people you vaguely know?

I am picturing you seething quietly in the background, calculating 'A has had X minutes of attention and questions directed at her, and B had the gall to show up late and is still getting attention, whereas I got here on time and I'm completely disregarded!'

Should you confine yourself to seeing people in smaller groups or individually?

FlatOnTheHill Wed 23-Dec-15 18:27:35

Made me feel very sad reading that OP. I think some of society now days are very much me me me. And you cant get amword in edgeways.
Dont take it personally OP. As someone else said stick to one on one or small groups. Are you shy or not very forward? Sometimes some of us can get kind of lost in big groups.

80schild Wed 23-Dec-15 19:28:14

I get you completely op. I have this feeling a lot as well. I maybe have two or three friends who I feel accept me but that is it (funnily enough I only met them recently and their first comment was 'I have never met anyone with as little self confidence as you'). I am finding some of the other people I have to deal with easier because of this but it really is emotionally draining always having to deal people like this. Not sure what the answer is perseverance and the knowledge that you are in control of your life maybe? If you find it, let me know.

Batmania Sun 27-Dec-15 19:48:37

I often feel like this too, especially the mums from school/FB thing. I regularly see and chat to the mums from school and they never like or comment on anything that I post. Yet my friend works full time and is never at school therefore never really has much to do with any of them and they are always liking or commenting on her stuff.

I am finding more and more that I just do my own thing these days. Those that do their own thing and don't give a shit about others seem to be the most popular. Also have cut a lot of people out of my life recently that don't seem to have any interest in me.

thecatsarecrazy Sun 27-Dec-15 20:16:34

Kind of the same with me op but what I notice is nobody listens to me.
Had an e.g yesterday lady came in with a winning scratch card, woman on till with me scanned it but till didn't recognise it. I said to her and supervisor that you someimes need to tap number in, both ignored me and eventually figured it out.
A mum on school run constantly talks about herself without stopping for a breath and doesn't let me get a word in. Another woman at work talks over me and doesn't let me finish a sentence.

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