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To think my neighbour should be a bit more tolerant to my dog?

(254 Posts)
MaryPoppinsPenguins Tue 22-Dec-15 12:43:12

At face value, I am being unreasonable. My dog barking is bothering her so she has complained.. (Loudly and rudely.)

And it is true, my dog has a problem with barking when I go out, I've written about it on here before and there's no getting away from the fact that it is a huge issue.

But I am aware of it, and how awful it must be to listen to through a wall, so we very rarely leave him, and if we do, we usually drop him off somewhere or have someone come here.

An unavoidable time is the school run, which takes 15 minutes at 8.45, and I put down his breakfast and shut him in the laundry room on the other side of the house when I do that. I've stopped accepting play dates, I don't go out for days, I'm a stay at home mum and he doesn't bark while I'm here.

Last night my DH and I took out oldest daughter to the theatre, and my mum was looking after my youngest so all should've been fine, except she had an emergency and had to leave and take my daughter with her so he was barking from about 9.30 until 11. (It's not constant barking, it's if someone slams a car door etc nearby.) I know this because my friend who lives opposite walked by during this time and said it was silent.

So at 9am today my neighbour knocked on the door and went crazy at me (so much so I was in tears) about my dog. That I need to get rid of him and how terrible an owner I am because he barked at 11 and her husband could hear it.

I'm trying everything. Doggy day care has him on a waiting list, I've bought a crate, a citronella collar, we've been to dog school, walked him more... He has separation anxiety so we try as much as possible to not leave him and very rarely (like last night) this will fall apart... But I don't think one evening (which was a one off as we are usually home) isn't just cause to act the way she did?

They had building work for over a week when I had a newborn and I didn't complain. They had a party which was very loud that they didn't apologise for, and they play piano against my living room wall.... But I have never complained because that's life in a semi detached house.

AIBU? (Dons hard hat!)

WhatamessIgotinto Tue 22-Dec-15 12:47:16

I think you need to speak to a behaviourist, they may offer some solutions? Could you take him on the school run with you? I leave the radio on for my lad but I don't know why, someone could come in here and whack me on the head and he wouldn't bark but that's just him! You have my sympathy thought, it's a tricky situation.

MaryPoppinsPenguins Tue 22-Dec-15 12:49:33

I can't take him on the school run, but I live on the same small street as the school and it is very quick. I can't push the buggy, and hold DD's hand and the dog...

MaryPoppinsPenguins Tue 22-Dec-15 12:51:00

We've had a behaviourist and a police dog handler here, they have given us things to do and we've done them but he's so nervous when we go out, it just doesn't get better, so we've tried to fix the going out for now...

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Tue 22-Dec-15 12:51:28

It's a tough one. On one hand, YABU to expect anyone else to tolerate being disturbed by your dog barking - but on the other hand, you seem to be doing everything you can to stop that happening.

If I were your neighbour & knew the problems you were having I think I'd be OK with it for the short term but it could get annoying over time.

Have you tried leaving a radio or TV on for him? A friend's parents used to have to do that years & years ago for similar reasons and it did seem to help.

Junosmum Tue 22-Dec-15 12:55:30

Have you tried zylkene? It's a herbal supplement, you can get it from Amazon (cheaper than the vet) it isn't medication, it isn't homeopathy either. Helps reduce stress and anxiety in cats and dogs. Worked miracles on our cat who was scratching and peeing all over the house.

LisaD1 Tue 22-Dec-15 12:57:05

Ok, I don't blame your neighbour for going mad, listening to a dog barking is annoying and as owners it is our problem to fix, not theirs to tolerate.

You need to break it down into small chunks of time and gradually build up the dogs confidence. make sure he has a radio and plenty of treats to keep him amused. Start with leaving him in a room by himself for a minute, only go in when he is quiet, say quiet time, click and treat. Keep repeating until you can gradually build up the time he is left for. It will take time, patience, consistency but the cycle can be broken.

We started by only being able to leave our dog for a few seconds, she will now happilly go a few hours. We crate trained for this as she took her comfort from the crate.

Whatever you decide to try, the key is it will take time and you will need to be committed to the long haul work required, there is no immediate overnight fix.

Chattymummyhere Tue 22-Dec-15 12:58:27

As a dog owner I would find it very annoying. Other dogs barking set mine off.

However you seem to be trying but a long term solution does need to be found as it will just build and build more anger and resentment from your neighbour the longer it continues.

You say they had building work and you didn't complain but that had an obvious end to it where as to them your dog barks a lot every day and doesn't seem to be improving.

RatherBeRiding Tue 22-Dec-15 12:59:38

Think they are being totally unreasonable and unrealistic. You are aware of the situation and you are doing your utmost to rectify/minimise it. Why the hell should you get rid of your dog because of some occasional intermittent barking? Maybe they should get rid of their piano if they play it against your living room wall!

That's life I'm afraid. We don't live in a bubble and unless you live in the middle of nowhere you are always going to get noise from neighbours - building work, parties, children making a row in the garden, cars etc. I used to feel for my poor neighbours when I used to leave for the stables at 5.30am in the middle of winter and leave my very noisy diesel 4x4 running until the windows had demisted.

Mind you, they sound like the sort of people who would complain about tractors and sheep baa-ing if they DID live in the middle of nowhere!

WhatAPigsEar Tue 22-Dec-15 13:05:46

Have you tried an Adaptil collar? It has the pheromones the mother releases when whelping the pups and is meant to calm the dog. No idea if it works but they get great reviews

WhetherOrNot Tue 22-Dec-15 13:08:09

Well f you are the owner of the fucking dog that barks all day long one up from me FFS DO something active and shut the fucking thing up. I know you go out to work all day, neighbour, and don't have to put up with it, but I do.....and I am sick to death of it. Honestly, if I had a gun I would shoot it!

SaucyJack Tue 22-Dec-15 13:12:06

Thing is.... dog barking doesn't compare to piano playing or building work especially if you actually like dogs. It's more like a crying baby or a couple fighting.

We have a neighbour whose dog barks when it's left alone. Poor thing sounds like it's crying. It's quite upsetting to listen to.

LeaLeander Tue 22-Dec-15 13:14:22

Would adding another dog help? Maybe an older, calmer rescue to keep yours company?

JessicaRuby Tue 22-Dec-15 13:19:09

No advice but OP please be careful. This reminded me of another thread where a massive cunt poster said that he stole his neighbour's dog and dumped it in a field miles from home, possibly still in it's carrier and unable to escape because it barked. I realise that most people are not that unhinged but I'd keep a close on eye on your dog all the same sad

OnlyLovers Tue 22-Dec-15 13:19:34

Whether, that's really unhelpful and aggressive. It's pretty clear from the OP that the dog DOESN'T bark all day long.

OP, no advice, sorry, but some of the doggy people on here sound as though they have some helpful tips. And I do think your neighbour could try a bit more give and take. If they have another party, complain! And tell them you can hear their piano loud and clear.

YourLittlePlantPot Tue 22-Dec-15 13:22:29

You have my total sympathy OP

We were in the same position and it was awful. We also tried everything you did to no avail. We inherited an older, placid little dog and the company solved the problem almost overnight.

knobblyknee Tue 22-Dec-15 13:23:26

YANBU. A dog barking at 11am is not considered a noise nuisance. I can write you a treatment plan for separation anxiety if you'd like one. It may work better with supporting anti anxiety meds from your vet.
Message me if you like, I'll get writing.

specialsubject Tue 22-Dec-15 13:24:35

dog barking is extremely irritating and those regular 15 minute morning sessions would drive me nuts.

no need to be rude though. At least there is hope with day care which will solve the problem by taking it away; do they know that this is coming? Good luck for the next 15 years, and I hope some of the suggestions here work.

YourLittlePlantPot Tue 22-Dec-15 13:25:27

Oh also! When we started going on short breaks and using kennels instead of family it helped immeasurably

Gruntfuttock Tue 22-Dec-15 13:25:39

JessicaRuby "No advice but OP please be careful. This reminded me of another thread where a massive cunt poster said that he stole his neighbour's dog and dumped it in a field miles from home, possibly still in it's carrier and unable to escape because it barked."

Yes, 30 miles from home IIRC and needless to say the dog was never seen again. sad

maybebabybee Tue 22-Dec-15 13:28:18

whether I'd rather have a barking dog live next door to me than someone like you!!!

mygrandchildrenrock Tue 22-Dec-15 13:30:31

My neighbour has 3 dogs and they bark all the time she is at work. They have barked on and off for 11 yrs and I have never once said anything because they are dogs, and dogs bark.
I have a dog who barks occassionally when she's in the back garden, I always tell her to be quiet and often bring her in. No-one has ever complained to me about her.
Another neighbour has two dogs that are put in the garden at 10 pm every night for 5-10 minutes and they bark then. You can literally check the time by it. No-one minds or says anything.
Maybe neighbours are just more tolerant round here!

Whatdoidohelp Tue 22-Dec-15 13:31:46

Their building work and party ant relevant. They are one offs. It sounds like your dog barking has been going on for a long time and for it to be happening at 11 pm is unacceptable. To care for this dog you are pretty much prison or in your own home. That isn't right. Would the dog be more suited to a more rural area with retired owners for example.

maybebabybee Tue 22-Dec-15 13:34:01

Would the dog be more suited to a more rural area with retired owners for example.

You do know some dogs just bark. It's not always because they're unhappy.

shoeaddict83 Tue 22-Dec-15 13:45:59

Sorry to go against the grain but my old neighbour had a dog (staffy) he kept locked in his spare room, he used to work shifts and at night the dog would bark non stop at all hours and meant we couldnt sleep as the room was the other side of our bedroom wall.

I tolerated for months until it got too much, he would do nothing despite me asking,i even called RSPCA as dog was never walked, locked in room all day, you could see it staring out the window when his owner went out, dog muck ALL over garden so much it made ours and other neighbours garden stink, but as he provided food and water the RSPCA couldnt do a thing about it. Moved out in the end as i couldnt cope on 2 hours sleep a night when he had shifts 10pm-6am and dog barked non-stop.

I understand thats an extreme example and yours does stop when you're home, but i can understand your neighbours POV as a dog barking can be very distressing to listen to and is not something you can just tune out, especially if its something that has been going on for an extended period of time. I appreciate you are doing everything you can to try to sort it, but i dont blame your neighbour for being upset by it, especially at 11pm at night.
I hope some of the suggestions on here work for you!

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