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Self esteem issues

(17 Posts)
AJFsmummy Mon 21-Dec-15 18:34:59

Long story short, for several years now I have suffered depression, anxiety and eating disorders. I have been slowly recovering with small doses of beta blockers but no anti- dep's. I currently run a small business and the stress from that is immense.

I went to my friends (we will call her Amy) for drinks on Friday, I hadn't seen her in a while and I kind of dreaded seeing her as she doesn't mince her words, she has gained an old friend of mine (we will call her jade) who I can no longer stand dues to her bitchiness, all Jade does is bitch about me and.... it all, of course, gets back to me via Amy, but it still makes me feel naff.

Amy then went to me "don't be upset but I had my friend Charlie round with her little boys and she said how your very hated and not well liked by people".

Oh my F**king god I don't need this, ok not everyone is going to like everyone but to hear hated etc it made me feel physically and mentally drained, I keep myself away from gossip etc and my life is very quiet -apart from the odd social networking. What is wrong with people? I have people I'm not keen on, but I don't hate?? what on earth have I done make people hate so much????? I'm not a saint at all and I have been a party girl like 10years ago, I don't think it helps that I live in a small(ish) town and everyone seems to know each other.

All Amy ever does is seem to say how people don't like me. It's making me ill again.

I feel like everything I have tried to build back up like my self-esteem has just come crashing down.

WhoooshFlooosh Mon 21-Dec-15 18:38:56

Time to find new friends & bloody well done to you for running a small business.

IceBeing Mon 21-Dec-15 18:41:07

I think that Amy needs to be reminded of the rules of gossip...

They are:

Ask yourself, is it definitely true? Is it important? Is it going to make a positive difference?

If you can't answer yes to all three then why are you passing it on at all?

Telling someone that someone else said they didn't like them is just a horrible and useless thing to do. She obviously gets off on the power it gives her over you.

I would be ditching this Amy asap. honestly, you are better with no people in your life than shit people.

Do you have any idea why your self-esteem is so low? It doesn't sound like it always was? Did something happen?

whois Mon 21-Dec-15 18:42:25

No one says things like that wiht good intentions. Ditch AMy. She is a bad person.

BackInTheRealWorld Mon 21-Dec-15 18:43:14

Amy is NOT your friend.
Seriously, dump the lot of them. It will help your self esteem immensely.
Bunch of bitches.

starryeyedteenager Mon 21-Dec-15 18:58:15

Ditch Amy and friends. You say you dreaded going round in the first place: friends are supposed to enhance your life not make you feel like crap. If it's any consolation she's probably saying it because she has issues herself and hurting you makes her feel better.

Keep working on your esteem and stress. Maybe try and find time to do things that involve meeting new people but also do things that help you feel happy about yourself: i find meditation can help and also counselling if you don't already go. I have self-esteem issues and my counsellor is great and helping me put things into perspective when my mind is going crazy.

DonkeyOaty Mon 21-Dec-15 19:02:34

Amy ain't no friend. Ditch and dust your hands off.

MistressoftheYoniverse Mon 21-Dec-15 19:05:45

Lady...get the hell outta there!

AyeAmarok Mon 21-Dec-15 19:06:25

Maybe you should move this thread to Relationships.

Amy is not your friend. Don't actively try and keep people who are not good for you, and don't want the best for you, in your life.

AJFsmummy Mon 21-Dec-15 19:14:58

Thank you ladies, I was going to.put this in relationships but I have seen some more important problems than this.

I think the low self esteem comes from childhood. My stepmother was very very nasty and mentally abused me and I think its stemed from there. hmm

ffs78 Mon 21-Dec-15 19:40:50

Sounds like your stepmother rejected you and has taught you that relationships can be dangerous and that there is something wrong with you. I think you would benefit from distancing yourself from this Amy character. I doubt that what she says is even true but she is bullying you and you need to start protecting yourself from this kind of thing in future.

tibbawyrots Mon 21-Dec-15 20:01:24

Amy isn't your friend. Most people here would be more friendly to you than she is! She sees you as a victim and lives to put you down. Don't give her the satisfaction - you are worth so much more than that.
Hold your head up high. You've shown yourself to be a loyal friend, now cut loose the people who wAnt you to need them so they can piss on your parade. You don't need people like that in your life - your friend should be saying "ok... Now where do we hide the body?" As in totally on your side no matter what.

WhoseBadgerIsThis Mon 21-Dec-15 20:12:07

Ditch Amy ASAP, she's poison!
It sounds like you only have her word people don't like you - maybe they all tell her how lovely you are and she's jealous so she lies to you about what they say!

BarryMerry Mon 21-Dec-15 20:16:00

What was the fb meme that was doing the rounds a while ago... Before you diagnose yourself with depression and low self esteem, first check you're not surrounded by arseholes. grin

Which sounds very much the case what's going on here.

While not everyone gets on all the time, how you feel about certain people (shitty & down about yourself vs uplifted and energised) is generally a pretty good litmus test guide of character and friendship.

Jibberjabberjooo Mon 21-Dec-15 20:44:11

What a bitch! What is wrong with her? She is not your friend, she's nasty.

woopwoopitsdasoundofdapolice Tue 22-Dec-15 08:46:15

I used to live in a small village and like you I used to be a party girl - life was messy but it was fun <mid 90's raves and clubs in my mid to late teens>. By 20 I was burning out so decided to go travelling... Spent 2 years travelling the world and came back refreshed, more grown up and with a plan of what I wanted to do next. I loved my party life but didn't want to do it forever - I'd been around too many who had taken it too far to realise it can be a slippery slope. So I came home to my parents house, in that particular small village, and did people want to talk about my travels? No! They wanted to regale me of stories of what I used to get up to <trust me some are pretty crazy> which led me to feel a bit low about myself. Pretty god damn low at times. I wasn't that person anymore and felt ashamed of some of the stuff that I had done. It took one single night of being 'lured' back into old 'bad habits' to give myself the kick up the arse I needed. I found a job in a nice town 10 miles away, established a new group of friends and I haven't looked back since. I saved and went to University, then on to do a Masters and have a successful corporate career now along with a wonderful home, husband and 3 kids in a lovely area surrounded by lovely people. And on the very rare occasion I bump into someone from my 'old' life what do they remind me of? Yes, a tale from way back then and what a nutter I was. My life could be no different now!
So after all that what I'm saying is, get away from that village, it's a toxic environment if it's anything like the one I used to live in, and start a new life where you will thrive and flourish. It's the only way - and live happily knowing that you have lived on and leave these 'friends' to decompose in the cesspit of their vileness. Good luck xxx

woopwoopitsdasoundofdapolice Tue 22-Dec-15 08:50:06

And what BarryMerry said, it's who you surround yourself with... I have a small number of beautiful people and have no qualms in ceasing contact with people who show the faintest sign of bitchiness. I'm not interested, it makes me feel shit. Do not hesitate in detoxing yourself of these people. Life is too short!

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