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To have finally put my niece in her place after taunting my daughter for what she wears?

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CharlotteY1 Mon 21-Dec-15 18:00:56

I have a ten year old Dd and an 8 almost 9 year old niece. For a while now when have vsisted my SiL's house or been on a day out together my niece takes it upon herself to carefully "assess" what my dd is wearing and if she doesn't like it then she doesn't hide it.

My Dd is quite a sensitive child and whilst she can usually brush off any teasing she is now sick of her cousin constantly scrutinising what she wears and making fun of her. I've had words with my SiL about this in the past but she just brushes it off sayid that she will "have words with her" but still it continues.

Well today we have been out for our annual Christmas meal, my Dd was dressed lovely yet as per my niece decided to have digs at her telling her that she looks stupid and that's not how her fiends dress. My SiL was sat right next to my niece and then my Dd next to her so she would have heard what she was saying, yet she chose to ignore it. My niece carried on and by this point my Dd was almost in tears so I decided to say something. I told my niece that at least my Dd dresses for her age, she wears clothes that are comfortable and stylish instead of walking round in belly tops and leggings with her backside hanging out! Now you can guess that after blatantly ignoring her dd calling my dd my SiL happened to hear what I had to say didn't she?.....well she wasn't happy. But you know what.....tough, why should I let my not so darling niece ridicule for my dd yet again who by the way dresses lovely usually wearing smart skinny jeans with jewelled tops, body warmer, and smart hi tops, or gorgeous skirt top sets etc. She doesn't walk round looking like she's a teenager like my 8 year old niece does flashing her arse and belly, so Aibu for finally saying something? My Dh doesn't think I am as he's admitted his niece is a little madam but maybe I could have timed it better.

Goingtobeawesome Mon 21-Dec-15 18:03:27

You really should have told her off without putting her down.

thecitydoc Mon 21-Dec-15 18:03:29

well done - little madam needed telling

StealthPolarBear Mon 21-Dec-15 18:03:41

You need to stay away from each other it does sound like this child taunts your dd. But she is a child.

AndNowItsSeven Mon 21-Dec-15 18:04:47

Yabu and a bully.

Supermanspants Mon 21-Dec-15 18:04:54

YANBVVU to say that to a child. How old are you? hmm

Brioche201 Mon 21-Dec-15 18:05:15

What!!! Your DN is 8 , you are an adult and said some terrible terrible things

Supermanspants Mon 21-Dec-15 18:05:20

Sorry... YABVVU

Orda1 Mon 21-Dec-15 18:05:28

Yabu for telling your niece she dressed like a hussy!

hedgehogsdontbite Mon 21-Dec-15 18:05:51

Yes YABU. You should have told her off as an adult not as a playground bully.

MimiSunshine Mon 21-Dec-15 18:05:55

IMO The problem with what you said wasn't that you pulled your niece up on her behaviour, you did exactly what you don't like in that you critised her clothes and to be honest was quite nasty.

What will your niece learn from that?

I think you should have told her off, pointed out that no one likes a bully and to keep her negative comments to herself.

StealthPolarBear Mon 21-Dec-15 18:05:59

You basically said to your niece what you wanted to say to her mum and did it through her. Nice.

HesterShaw Mon 21-Dec-15 18:06:12

Could you not have said something like "It's extremely rude and unpleasant to constantly make remarks about other people's clothes. Stop it."

Rather than stooping to her level?

theycallmemellojello Mon 21-Dec-15 18:06:15

YAB completely U. You don't teach someone not to bully others about their appearance by bullying them about their appearance. Especially when that someone is an EIGHT YEAR OLD GIRL and you are supposedly an adult. FFS! Yes, clearly the teasing needs to stop. But your actions - essentially slut-shaming a small child - are much worse. You need to apologise to your niece, if your SIL ever lets you near her again (I'm not sure I would).

AuntieStella Mon 21-Dec-15 18:06:17

Unfortunately, I think you did the wrong thing I'd criticising your DN's clothes - ie you did the very thing you wanted everyone else to cut out.

Yes, she should have been told to stop (ideally by her own parents, but by you if no-one else is stepping up) and that what she was doing was unkind. But that's not what you did.

winterswan Mon 21-Dec-15 18:06:51

I hate saying this but I don't think this was handled well, I'm afraid.

The first time someone is rude to your child in front of you should the the last. You can assert yourself without putting a child down, however, not because I think children are saints but here, the message is that you have previously been silent and both children have taken that as it being okay, acceptable, and secondly, you have gone down to their level by insulting your neice.

A firm, quiet but strong 'she is wearing what she wants to, she looks lovely, if you have a problem with that then that is a pity but we do not want to hear it' would have sufficed.

Buttons23 Mon 21-Dec-15 18:07:09

Isn't it a bit tit for tat. Your niece is a child but you are not. It certainly doesn't make you look like a hero for putting her down.

I would have told her to stop teasing and she wasn't being nice but I wouldn't have put her down. If a child hits yours are you then going to go hit them?

wizzywig Mon 21-Dec-15 18:07:31

Good on you op. The only language bully's like yr neice understand is having a taste of their own medicine.

mrtwitsglasseye Mon 21-Dec-15 18:07:36

I can see why you felt like saying it but would have been better to be the bigger person, the grown up, and explain to her why it's not very nice to make fun of the way someone dresses. Instead, you've done exactly the same thing.

WorraLiberty Mon 21-Dec-15 18:07:47

Blimey, sounds like she takes after her Aunt.

She's an 8 year old child

What you should have done was told her she was being mean and hurtful, and to stop it...

FoxesSitOnBoxes Mon 21-Dec-15 18:08:02

Absolutely right to say something, in my opinion. I think it's good that your DD knows you'll stand up for her if she needs you to but I'd probably have told your niece that picking on someone because they don't dress like you is nasty rather than comment on her clothes

LaLyra Mon 21-Dec-15 18:08:26

I think you should have told your niece off. In fact if your SIL ignored it repeatedly you should have told her off before now.

But you didn't do that, you basically said that it was acceptable to be rude about someone's clothing. Not really helpful to either girl.

Not BU to say something, but totally U in how you did it.

ThatsNotMyRabbit Mon 21-Dec-15 18:08:45

YABU but I'd have struggled not to do the same.

Ideally you should have just said extremely sharply "It's very rude to say things like that, DN. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if DD did the same to you".

Mrsfrumble Mon 21-Dec-15 18:09:10

You lost the moral high ground by criticizing your nieces clothes. You would have been better off just pointing out that everyone has different tastes and how rude and unkind it is to make fun of other people's choices, rather than doing the exact same thing yourself.

tootiredtoknow Mon 21-Dec-15 18:09:26

You should have stopped short of the insults but I can understand why you lost control a bit.

Does your 10 year old shop for herself or are you doing it for her? Just curious.

Regardless, there's no reason for the child to behave so rudely. If your SIL never batted an eyelid, I suspect that's the route of the problem.

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