To think if it affected men more there would be more effective treatment for colic or reflux etc?!!!(39 Posts)
Total disclaimer - I know many dads are excellent and up as much as mums but whilst bf it's normally women. Just think is beyond weird that a condition or set of conditions that cause such distress (in this house ten plus hrs sobbing yesterday and that's just ds!) and then also anguish for parents gets treated so often with sort of patronising "oh yeah it's awful but that's the case for months in afraid try some ineffective over the counter stuff" I know there's no definitive cure and must be borderline impossible to research babies meds as can't do control groups etc but feel that the whole approach even from lovely female gp quite condescending. Would like to have a proper approach like "right, there are different things that work for different people we will try this for this weeks then this then this" to make it feel a bit more taken seriously instead of head being cocked to side and no real questions about say length / time of crying, nature of it, other symptoms like viniting, excess saliva, grunting, nappy patterns etc - because there are lots of different overlapping reasons for this distress and some treatments do work for some so surely we should be able to take a more methodical less defeatist approach???!! Maybe v unfair but just don't think hoards of fathers going in however sleep deprived would be this easily dismissed somehow. Probably bollocks. Not slept in weeks
Not sure about this. There is a strong bias in medicine not to give any medicine to young children unless it is totally necessary, or well tested. In such young babies, companies and GPs would be worried about causing unnecessary harm.
Sorry you and your baby are suffering so much
You think that a GP would be more likely to treat a baby if dad took them in with reflux rather than mum?
Or that scientists and researchers would put more money and time into reflux meds for babies if it was common for dad to SAH?
Yabu and irrational. It's not the case at all.
I think the OP might have something here. I know I was fobbed off with a clearly refluxy baby as a hysterical/inept/woman parent. Only to have it confirmed when I went back 2 months later (by a different GP).
It felt, to me, like the classic "silly woman" treatment. With a 6 week old baby I wasn't robust enough to recognise it or stand up for myself (oh, maybe I was just a silly woman then). The first GP barely even looked at DS (or me). A couple of months on, armed with fewer hormones and some research (and a female GP this time) and we got some revolutionary treatment.
Maybe if DH had gone in we'd have been taken seriously the first time? I'll never know.
My DS has awful reflux, my GP went through a complete action plan of meds with me but was brutally honest in that some babies just don't respond to any treatment - in which case she said that all they can do is offer support to the parents until you're through it.
Currently Zantac is working for us, it doesn't stop the vomitting but it does make him more comfortable, I can cope with the extra washing (and the constant aroma of baby sick), I really struggled to see my baby in pain.
There are meds that work for reflux and if your little one is screaming for 10 hours a day, he/she should be getting some. It (unfortunately) takes being very persistent. For the next 48 hours, keep a crying diary including possible triggers (bf-ing in our case). If a clear pattern emerges (for instance: feed, scream, fal asleep exhausted for 30 mins, feed, scream, repeat at infinitum), you have something to go on. My DS screamed for more than 10 hours a day, before we got decent meds. It was dreadful. However, GPs rightly are a bit careful about prescribing meds. I had mum-friends that complained about their babies when they were well within the normal range... As my then 3 year old nephew stated: babies cry (while he continued some urgent building work next to wailing DS).
Once we got decent meds prescribed, DS turned out to be a delightful baby boy, who smiled and giggled instead - now at 1,5 he sadly has rediscovered the power of screaming indiscriminately, but it sounds different when it's frustration rather than pain!
I think LovesLemon is entirely right about the organised, professional, diary-led approach you should take with your GP as regards treatment - I know it's particularly difficult when you're exhausted and distressed, but take control and make your GP take you seriously. But are you actually saying that you think your baby's father would be treated entirely differently if he took your baby to the same GP with the same complaints? Why doesn't he go, if so, and see if you're right?
Mn frequently appals me in terms of the lack of involvement many women members expect and get from their male partners in terms of shared childcare, household chores etc, but in my experience of two very different GP surgeries, and a number of different medics within them, DH and I taking our baby for different issues don't seem to have had significantly different treatment. The one thing I noticed with irritation last time we were there together with DS (now three) was that the practice nurse kept asking me questions about DS and ignoring DH, as though he was some temporary babysitter rather than DS's other parents. Only when I kept quiet and DH answered repeatedly, did she seem to have an epiphany.
Doing the diary, thanks it's a good idea. You're right about the research being done it does just sometimes feel a bit like some gps (my experience and friends) does seem a bit "oh bless you sleep deprived hormonal woman" as opposed to serious possibly treatable condition - accept poss not treatable in many cases but surely everything worth trying?!
I know this may be frowned upon, but can you take your little one to an out of hours GP? Our GP ignored us, but we took him to an out of hours for something else and we were prescribed Gaviscon after describing his symptoms. It worked a treat for us, though it does sound your DC's reflux is more severe.
Keep them upright head above belly at all times. Its well known in america. Stops the acid coming back up. Their stomach musel isnt closed properly yet - happens at 6 months.
My dh was as involved in feeding our babies and dealing with reflux as I was.
If you have not slept in weeks why are you not expressing so your dh can do some night feeds particularly on weekends. My dh did the feeds till 11pm and from 5am. We had twins. Due to the reflux it took a very long time to feed them.
If your current arrangements are not working then change them but don't spout sexist drivel to justify you doing all the feeds! That is your choice!
Ranitidine is what you need. Send your dh with baby to get it. Don't be a martyr!
Irrational and sexist, sorry.
Colic and relux is utterly awful to deal with but is just a fact of life for some babies whilst their immune systems mature.
It IS just a case of try this to see if it works and if it doesn't, try something else.
There's no miracle cure.
Have to say a&e was where we got help - then paed was BRILLIANT.
This was after 6 GP visits with diaries, videos, print outs - was horrible.
Hope you get help soon.
Not being sexist - my dh fab and helping loads but back at work so on own at gp, think just weird how easily so many women, of course not all, get dismissed without proper help when there are options out there that often work for some babies and wondering if is partly because of the whole unfair stereotype of overly I anxious fussy first time mum.
Op you said you hadn't slept in weeks, does your dh work away? If not, why isn't he helping you to get some sleep?
I think it's the same as when people say 'if men had periods they'd have weeks off work/be taken more seriously' OP.
Women tend to be more stoic as in seeing stuff like this as our lot
And seeing as we live in a patriarchal society it makes a lot of sense.
Baby won't take bottle though we do keep trying and in any case home so tired when baby up we are all up! Do sleep just for hr or so at a time meant not slept properly, just having general ranty tired moan not about men at all more society as whole!!! Do feel easier for women to be fobbed off somehow sometimes
Nervous stand up for yourself re: trying treatment. You need to be persistent. In my experience, it takes lagging on weight gain before the GPs take it seriously. Our DS didn't officially lag behind, but gained over a pound a week once we got his meds sorted, so he was aiming for a different centile than assumed. Ranitidine is the first treatment to try, which didn't work for us. In fact, we got referred to the peads before we got something that worked. There are options. They work for some kids. Not all. But you'd need to try them before giving up. For me a lactation consultant made a huge difference as she actually watched a feed and suggested reflux within seconds...
As to people suggesting holding upright etc re: reflux, you didn't have to deal with the full-blown version. I had our baby in a sling most of the days, because he couldn't stand being put down, but even so, he was wailing so much, that helpful strangers would suggest I'd feed him (which was what I'd just done). Also re: maturing at 6 months - sometimes, but not always (enough). For us it really helped when they can sit up and eat solids, though. Of course, we'd had his bed tilted, were keeping him upright after feeds, spent our life holding him and walking in circles in the living room (at night - my DH) or in the neighbourhood (me, during the day), etc etc...
I personally don't think it's being sexist, as much as being condescending to first time parents as some people here are. I'd never let it get this far with a second baby...
I rear an article the other day by some professor that said he believea colic is caused by over stimulation. Not sure how true it is but his tips are worth a try and can't do any harm. Try googling the article as I can't find it now
Thanks for all the helpful advice, really appreciate it. Will definitely be more assertive and got early appt tmrw so dh taking him before work! Thanks again xxxx
Fingers crossed for you OP as grumpy babies are a nightmare. Have you seen the throw the baby in the river thread
I read an article in New Scientist about research suggesting colic was related to migraine. One study, doesn't make it true. But reported carefully and integrated into the larger body of knowledge.
But it doesn't change the experience that many of us have had that women and their concerns are often dismissed by health care professionals as being due to our hysteria/ineptitude and not validated or even investigated as legitimate concerns. The OP suggested that if it were men taking babies to see HCPs (and I'm sure most fathers would, but even in my very equal marriage it'll be me taking the majority of parental leave, so I'll be the one available to do GP visits etc.) they would be more likely to be taken seriously, rather than fobbed off.
It is heartening to see that this doesn't happen to everyone. But people's positive experiences shouldn't negate the fact that it still does happen to many of us at one of the most vulnerable times in life.
What horrible, sexist claptrap.
"This thing that nobody has fixed must be really easy to fix, even though I have no knowledge or expertise in that area."
The logic of a child. Grow up.
Well the ops dh is taking the baby to doctors tomorrow so hopefully the assumed male Dr will produce the magical elixir of colic and reflux relief that was denied to the op on gender grounds.
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