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Surely this is just basic etiquette when visiting a newborn for first time?

(256 Posts)
Wishfulmakeupping Sun 20-Dec-15 19:47:27

Genuinely intrigued and posting here for honest answers.
Two family members met my newborn ds over this weekend.
I know babies aren't as interesting to others as the parents but surely
* a passing glance in baby's direction
* 'he's so cute' 'good name' type comment
* if offered a cuddle you don't just say 'no I'm alright'
* I always take a card and gift too but this isn't the case either
Basic manners no?

GreatFuckability Sun 20-Dec-15 19:49:15

Not everyone likes babies. Did they come specifically to meet him?

honeysucklejasmine Sun 20-Dec-15 19:49:40

I do agree, but some people are very uncomfortable with babies.

drinkyourmilk Sun 20-Dec-15 19:50:47

It sounds baffling. The whole reason to visit is to have newborn cuddles and goo over the baby! I'd always take at least a card too. Very bizarre

ImperialBlether Sun 20-Dec-15 19:51:02

Why were they even there? They behaved very rudely. Is this their normal behaviour?

Just basic manners. Why did they even bother to visit otherwise? Is there some history?

MrsMilkyMoo Sun 20-Dec-15 19:53:11

Most people would certainly look at the baby and make a comment but not everyone would feel comfortable holding the baby - my dad didn't feel confident holding dd as a newborn but is great with her as a toddler.

HeartShapedBox Sun 20-Dec-15 19:54:23

They sound rather odd, tbh.

Why go visit and ignore?

AbbeyBartlet Sun 20-Dec-15 19:55:57

No - if I have to see someone who has had a baby, I wouldn't want a cuddle and saying 'no I'm alright' is quite a polite way to turn someone down.

I always spend several weeks and quite a lot of money making a gift for the mother/child but I'm afraid I'm not particularly interested in 'meeting' the baby.

I also can't coo over the baby and sound convincing so I don't bother

Some people just don't particularly like babies - I have managed to go 45 years without holding one!

Cel982 Sun 20-Dec-15 19:56:08

Doesn't matter whether they like babies or not, Fuckability, their behaviour was just rude.

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 20-Dec-15 19:56:10

Glad its not me then as its my dh relatives so wasn't sure I was expecting too much. One was a meet the newborn visit, the other person was dropping off Xmas presebts and meeting baby too.

ShamefulPlaceMarker Sun 20-Dec-15 19:56:33

Maybe they wanted to visit you and see how you were doing?

AbbeyBartlet Sun 20-Dec-15 19:56:59

And presumably if they are family members they are coming to see you rather than the baby, or visiting because you are family, iyswim.

LibrariesgaveusP0wer Sun 20-Dec-15 19:57:20

Was the purpose to meet the baby? If so, yes, odd. Not everyone likes to hold them though. It took until my third before my dad did.

Passmethecrisps Sun 20-Dec-15 19:57:33

They sound terribly odd. Do they visit often so would be there anyway?

I do remember visiting a colleague and her newborn many years ago with other colleagues and I was offered a cuddle. I didn't want to and my face gave the game away. Everyone was charming however and I was eventually confident enough for a wee shot but only when I asked after a while. I was really young though and had not known babies at all. Could this be an issue?

Either way I would chalk it up as a story to tell down the line and move on while maintaining a lift peeve for sure

RaspberryOverloadingOnTurkey Sun 20-Dec-15 19:58:22

My cousin has never had or ever will have children, she's simply not comfortable around small ones (gets on better with older ones).

But she is interested, will talk about lo, etc, just won't hold a small baby. I never had a problem with that.

Total disinterest would be a different thing.

Pico2 Sun 20-Dec-15 19:58:53

Maybe they don't like his name, so politely didn't mention it.

GoApeShit Sun 20-Dec-15 19:59:50

They could have at least pretended to give a shit. Sit down, drink tea, coo over baby for a few seconds. Not hard.

AbbeyBartlet Sun 20-Dec-15 20:00:00

There are few things more uncomfortable than being put on the spot about holding the baby if you don't want to as well

PuntasticUsername Sun 20-Dec-15 20:00:29

Any chance that "No, I'm alright" was supposed to be followed by "I've got a cold and wouldn't want to pass it on to a newborn" or similar, but they got cut off in conversation?

<clutches at straws>

Doilooklikeatourist Sun 20-Dec-15 20:00:32

Me seeing a new born and new mum for the first time since the birth

" Dear friend , how are you , was it awful ?
Oh baby , so beautiful and squishy , need a little cuddle "

Hands over gift of baby outfit and chocolate
Sits down to cuddle and gossip , make tea and give cake
Isn't that normal ?

Wishfulmakeupping Sun 20-Dec-15 20:00:41

They sound terribly odd. Do they visit often so would be there anyway? no we see each other on occasions bdays/Christmas time only really.

GreatFuckability Sun 20-Dec-15 20:00:42

Well I don't know if I think its rude really, a little odd if the reason for the visit was to meet the baby, perhaps. But if they were there for some other purpose id not think it overly odd if it was someone just not that 'into' babies. My ex would never hold someone else's baby. He was great with ours, but just not keen otherwise.

RaskolnikovsGarret Sun 20-Dec-15 20:02:34

I don't like being asked to hold babies, I think that if I wanted to, I would ask myself. Not a fan of newborns (made a small exception for my own). But your relatives still sound a bit rude.

EponasWildDaughter Sun 20-Dec-15 20:02:38

Basic manners and decent social etiquette are becoming a rare thing these days and it's better not to expect them. That way you will be less likely to be disappointed and more likely to be pleasantly surprised i find.

flowers Big congrats on your lovely newborn, OP.

(perfect manners! grin)

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