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To be upset by their choice of church? (Another wedding one- sorry)

(263 Posts)
WanderingNotLost Sun 20-Dec-15 00:36:07

A good friend of my DP's is getting married next year. We're quite close to the friend and his fiancée and I like them both a lot.

A while ago they chose a reception venue quite close to my home town- neither of them is from there, it's just a convenient and close-ish distance from where they live. I found out today though that they've now decided to get married in the church that I've always assumed I'll get married in myself.

My family has close ties to this church; my Grandfather grew up in the village and was an alter boy in the church; he is buried there and his name is included on the honour roll of local men who served in WWII. On the other hand our friends have no connection to it at all, it's just the closest one to their reception venue.

AIBU to be a bit upset/disappointed by this? It's true DP and I aren't even engaged yet (although we're not far off) but I feel like when the time comes it will feel a bit less special for me because I (and a decent number of mine and DP's friends) will already have been to a wedding there, and we'll just be reusing a church that someone else we know got married in before us, and our wedding day will be compared to that one. Were it as important to our friends as it is to me I think I'd be less upset, but to them it's just a church like any other.

Sandbrook Sun 20-Dec-15 00:38:08

Brace yourself, it's about to get windy

AbbyCadabra Sun 20-Dec-15 00:38:21

Are you actually serious?

Mysteryfla Sun 20-Dec-15 00:38:47

How old are you? 12? How absolutely infantile.

duckyneedsaclean Sun 20-Dec-15 00:39:34


gaslamp Sun 20-Dec-15 00:39:41


Redglitter Sun 20-Dec-15 00:40:04


They're selecting it for one reason you're selecting it for another. If I was planning on getting married I'd need to travel miles to have it in a church where I haven't been at a wedding

It's not like they've booked it to spite you

SummerNights1986 Sun 20-Dec-15 00:40:18

Tell them how you feel and suggest a few different options.

I suspect that then you'll not have to worry about having already attended a wedding in 'your' church when your time comes.


KERALA1 Sun 20-Dec-15 00:40:57

You are being bonkers. My sister and all my school friends got married in our village church where dh and I also got married this thought didn't even occur to any of us. Don't say this to anyone in real life!

arethereanyleftatall Sun 20-Dec-15 00:41:01

Well, yanbu to be upset, your feelings are your feelings. But there's nothing you can do about it I'm afraid, you don't own the church,

Hatethis22 Sun 20-Dec-15 00:41:12


ovenchips Sun 20-Dec-15 00:41:42

You're being a silly billy.

60sname Sun 20-Dec-15 00:42:10

No-one cares about the specifics of the ceremony, only the fact that they are watching a couple they care about getting married.

wigglesrock Sun 20-Dec-15 00:42:55

YABcompletelyUnreasonable, I'm trying to be kind and nicer due it being almost Christmas but my limits are being tested. You're not engaged, you're not planning a wedding and even if you were you'd still be vastly unreasonable.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Sun 20-Dec-15 00:43:59

What on earth is "not far off being engaged"?

Perniciousness Sun 20-Dec-15 00:44:03

Wow, that's outrageous. I'd be furious. I can't believe people would be so thoughtless. It would ruin your wedding as everyone would be sitting there thinking about their wedding and not yours.

What are you going to do? hmm

Pipbin Sun 20-Dec-15 00:44:50

Well you say that your family has ties to this church. Surely this means that other members of your family have been married their also. So would your wedding not be compared to their weddings too?

Are they church goers? If I regularly worshiped at a church only to find that a friend was marrying there because it was a nice building I'd find that a little insulting.

Also, you say that you aren't even engaged, well it won't a couple of years until your wedding so it's not like they've announced it the same week as you've got yours.

Ultimately, you don't get to say who can and can't get married in a building just because one day you say you want to.

AbbyCadabra Sun 20-Dec-15 00:46:01

Why not think ahead while you're at it, and let them know the names you want for the children you might have and make sure they know they're reserved just for you?

SwedishEdith Sun 20-Dec-15 00:46:07

I'm intrigued by the "not far off" being engaged. I'd like to hear more about what this means.

No-one cares about what church people get married in. They just want to know how to get there, where to park and how to get to the reception.

ReallyTired Sun 20-Dec-15 00:46:49

Sorry, I think you are being a little bit nuts. Plenty of people will have got married I that church before you. If the church is a Church of England church then the couple has to have a qualifying connection. You can't just rock up to a pretty church and arrange to get married. They have to prove they have the right to get married there. It might be worth checking the rules to see if the op had a qualifying connection to get married in the particular church. (She might be in for a shock if neither her nor her parents attend church regularly.)

I feel the op is being a bit of a bridezilla and she isn't even engaged.

Outaboutnowt Sun 20-Dec-15 00:47:00

How dare they ruin your (non existent) wedding. People are so selfish nowadays.

I bet she wears a wedding dress too. And then people will have even more to compare the two of you. What a cow.

Lweji Sun 20-Dec-15 00:47:05

Because weddings have to be so special and unique these days?

Be careful, this is the first step towards Bridezilladoom.

YouMakeMyDreams Sun 20-Dec-15 00:48:21

YABVU. I live in a small town in the Highlands with 2 churches reasonably close by and a handful of nice hotels. Just about everyone gets married in one of the two churches and has their reception in one of the handful of venues suitable for a reception. To do anything different you have to travel miles. (Which we did but beside the point)
Hundreds of people have got married in that church you will not be first or last. You picked it because it is special to you not because of its exclusivity those meaningful reasons still stand regardless who else gets married there.

elliejjtiny Sun 20-Dec-15 00:49:16

YABU. DH and I got married in the same church that my sister and several other people we know did. My Dad's funeral was there too. At least if you have some of the same guests they won't get lost and turn up an hour late completely missing his speech like DH's Grandad did

MissFitt68 Sun 20-Dec-15 00:49:18

Well you can't possibly get married there now

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