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AIBU do think 12 is too young for lace underthings.

(294 Posts)
Tiptoethroughthetinsel Sat 19-Dec-15 21:53:42

My daughter went shopping with my ex husband fiancé today and came home with several lace bra and panty sets. I've put them aside. She is developed for 12 but I think cotton is more appropriate. At what age should this be allowed?

Kr1stina Sat 19-Dec-15 21:55:42

I just asked my 11yo if he would like lacy underwear and he said it would be too itchy .

dementedpixie Sat 19-Dec-15 21:55:55

Who will see it except her?

sooperdooper Sat 19-Dec-15 21:56:46

It's not sonethung I've ever coneudered tbh, if they fit her is it really an issue?

timelytess Sat 19-Dec-15 21:58:12

I bought my daughter silk French knickers and camisole when she was five-ish. It doesn't seem to have scarred her at all, and she's 33 now.
Its fine to like pretty undies.

Why does the 'step-mum' figure think she should be buying underwear for your daughter at all?

Tiptoethroughthetinsel Sat 19-Dec-15 21:58:15

Nobody will see it but her. I'm not sure why I feel so uncomfortable about it. I didn't own anything like that till University

cardibach Sat 19-Dec-15 21:58:18

I don't understand your problem with lace, sorry. Why do you think it is inappropriate?

Snowglobe1 Sat 19-Dec-15 21:58:23

I don't see a problem with it at all. I mean, I assume you're not talking about red and black push up type stuff, just a bit of lace?

TaliZorah Sat 19-Dec-15 21:58:42

I don't see what's wrong with it

Brightnorthernlights Sat 19-Dec-15 21:58:58

I wouldn't have a problem with the fabric ie lace, but would if the style was inappropriate, such as push up or under wired bras or thong like knickers. Lace itself wouldn't be a problem for me.

MamaLazarou Sat 19-Dec-15 21:59:20

No, not a problem at all, IMO. I would have loved lacy undies when I was 12.

goodnightdarthvader1 Sat 19-Dec-15 22:00:17

To my surprise, this makes me squirm a bit. I thought I was so liberal!

I suppose it feels a bit more grown up - underwear like that is "designed" to be seen by one's partner, after all. If I were the stepmum-to-be, I would have checked with actual mum first, tbh.

Bearbehind Sat 19-Dec-15 22:00:19

I just asked my 11yo if he would like lacy underwear and he said it would be too itchy .

hmm

PresidentUnderwood Sat 19-Dec-15 22:01:06

ExH's fiancé seems a bit thoughtless shopping with your DD for undies she wouldn't normally be allowed.

However, if your DD wants Lacey undies then why not? Empowering young women to feel good about themselves for their sake and not some bloke is a great lesson

Tiptoethroughthetinsel Sat 19-Dec-15 22:01:13

its the first time they really went shopping together. I thought underthings were an odd choice to but im trying to not get upset about it. I'm sure it was innocent that way.

AtSea1979 Sat 19-Dec-15 22:02:13

Seems odd to me. I think cotton would be much more comfy and appropriate.

Tiptoethroughthetinsel Sat 19-Dec-15 22:04:23

The bras are under wired which is a first to. I think Goodnightdarthvader is close to the mark on why I feel uncomfortable. It suggests being seen rather than function. I don't mind pretty but these seem mature for her.

camtt Sat 19-Dec-15 22:05:24

I would think it was inappropriate because you are talking here about underwear that has a provocative or sexual implication and she is 12 and her father and fiancee are parents/ in loco parentis. I wouldn't be happy at all.

pookamoo Sat 19-Dec-15 22:06:10

Are underwires recommended for 12 year olds? i.e. still developing? I thought not.

goodnightdarthvader1 Sat 19-Dec-15 22:06:26

Empowering young women to feel good about themselves for their sake and not some bloke is a great lesson

But you don't know what her motivation is for wanting these. Is there a boy / girl she's wanting to impress? Or is it for herself only, really? Is it because it's more 'grown up'? You can't assume that 12 yo girls are completely blind to sex.

steppemum Sat 19-Dec-15 22:06:53

I think you are over thinking it. If she likes them and is happy, who is going to see it?

pookamoo Sat 19-Dec-15 22:07:06

pressed enter too soon!

I thought not, but could be wrong - wouldn't they possibly cause damage?

I'd be more concerned by the wires than the lace, to be honest, and only from a health point of view.

janethegirl2 Sat 19-Dec-15 22:07:59

I wouldn't bat an eyelid, as my dd had that sort of underwear at that age as she liked it. Not for school wear but for weekends and holidays.

Tiptoethroughthetinsel Sat 19-Dec-15 22:09:46

I think she'd want them because they seem more grown up. I understand that completely. I haven't told her one way or the other yet. Just thinking it over. I Didn't think about the underwire being unhealthy

goodnightdarthvader1 Sat 19-Dec-15 22:12:09

I'd be tempted to have a frank but gentle talk about why she was interested in these. Despite all talk of this being "empowering", I hope she doesn't believe that she has to dress up like a Victoria's Secret model in order to be attractive.

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