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To tell my mother to FOTTFSOFO if she so much as mentions it

(77 Posts)
Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 19:46:46

I will be without my DC for the first time this Christmas, post separation. I'm thinking of going to my lovely DSis and family. My mother (many, many ishoos with our relationship)has already started with the '<sad voice> it will be so sad for me to see you but not to see DC'.
She's not local, she never sees us, she's a nightmare.

I just think her saying it on Christmas day repeatedly might make me stabby wibbly and I need a plan.

Sirzy Sat 19-Dec-15 19:50:37

I would speak to her before and make it very clear that you know it will be very strange without them and as such would like her not to mention it.

If she does tell her to fuck off

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 19:53:07

<shriek> mean treat her like a normal human person?

I'm just not sure that will work.

ProfGrammaticus Sat 19-Dec-15 19:57:02

Email her to say it. Write a letter saying it. Get your sister to say it?

Sirzy Sat 19-Dec-15 19:58:14

Get your sister onside as, then she can kick her under the table step in if she starts.

Good luck with your mum and hope you manage to have a lovely Christmas

WhirlwindHugs Sat 19-Dec-15 19:58:44

Gang up with your sister (and her DP?) with a preprepard plan to interrupt her and get her talking about her favourite subject instead.

Or you sis will could split the pair of you up by asking one of you to do a job or something else urgent that changes the subject.

Can you tell I team up with my sis against our tactless parents sometimes? I hope you have a peaceful Christmas!

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:02:09

Yeah, I considered getting my sister to have a word.

I just don't think my mother will be able to stop herself.

LottieDoubtie Sat 19-Dec-15 20:04:39

embrace it? Come on here and play christmas bingo with me, glass of wine every time she mentions it or my registered blind granny calls me fat?

mineofuselessinformation Sat 19-Dec-15 20:06:59

'Yes mum, but I'm sad about it too so can we change the subject?' ought to do it and make her realise that it's not something you want to discuss.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Sat 19-Dec-15 20:08:32

Oh well, it's a piece of piss for me, mother - now shut the fuck up

Would that do?

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:09:18

ooh...Lottie that might work..

I just don't want to end up crying into my wine turkey.

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:11:23

you'reall You've clearly encountered someone like my mother....

LottieDoubtie Sat 19-Dec-15 20:14:31

Then IME you have to turn it into a game.

You prob can't stop her saying it, a scene will make you feel worse (-sod her!), come on, you've got almost a week to get yourself into a position where you can laugh at her outrageous inappropriateness!

Fix her with a beady stare and say, 'If it is making you sad, imagine how much worse I am feeling, mum! It would help if you didn't mention it again.' Or could your dsis say something similar for you?

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:18:10

SDTG - I'm just not sure I could get that out without bawling.

Then she'd probs tell me to stop being attention seeking.

knobblyknee Sat 19-Dec-15 20:20:48

I think you need a list of responses for when she days it despite all the requests before hand for her to use some fucking common sense and think of someone else for a change.

Group them into Sarky, Dimwitted Misunderstanding, Deflecting etc and assign each one a colour. Print them on to cards,whip out the pack and pick one at random.

Have these. flowers (good place to hide a knofe.)

WaitingForMe Sat 19-Dec-15 20:23:01

MIL is a delight and has moaned to DH that she sees less of her grandsons since he split up with their mum. "Well so do I" he pointed out. "But I find it hard" she replied.

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:23:05

I like the colour coding, knobbly

Perhaps I could insert them into the crackers?

HelloItsMeAgain Sat 19-Dec-15 20:23:23

To be honest I think FOTTFSOF would do pretty well. Only on the condition that you forewarn her you will says so if she as much as mentions it.

On another note - some good distraction techniques work well. We had my DM here last Christmas - not long after I had finished some counselling (a lot of which shit in my life narrowed down to stuff from childhood/her) so was quite a tough prospect. Brilliant posters on here suggested things to change the subject - Christmas quizzes and the like. So I printed off loads of riddles and quizzes and as soon as anything got even vaguely like they were getting heavy/touching raw nerves etc I whipped them out and changed the vibe.

This kind of thing.

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:23:54


Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:25:47

That sounds tough Hello - sounds like you dealt with it well.

Busy festive fun might work..

Notgrumpyjustquiet Sat 19-Dec-15 20:32:37

Could you get so pissed that you fall asleep and miss most of it..?

knobblyknee Sat 19-Dec-15 20:34:11

Yes! Perfect. In the crackers smile

TopHat33 Sat 19-Dec-15 20:37:14

You and your DSIS treat it as mum bingo and each gets another wine each time you hear it until you've had enough to say 'you must be feeling terrible, why don't you go home and lie down until Christmas is over'. be insistent that she really must go if she feels that bad and pack her bags for her.

Coldlightofday Sat 19-Dec-15 20:37:58

Not tempting....

My mother will get horribly drunk.

She may end up weeping that her DGS is not with her.

<shoots self>

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