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To think it's never ok to smack children? Especially ones with learning disabilities!

(31 Posts)
TheCunnyFunt Sat 19-Dec-15 10:20:26

On facebook I'm friends with the girlfriend of a friend, last night she posted the attached picture. I commented on it saying I strongly disagreed, and then a debate ensued, two of her friends joined in the debate, one agreeing with me and one agreeing with her. A couple of hours later the GF reappears and says the following -
A little smack on the bum does no harm. You have to let them know who's in charge or they will be spoilt brats and throw tantrums all the time. A good tap on the bum never did my family any harm

And more debating followed until her boyfriend (my friend) appears and comments with -
With all due respect, you grew up in one environment with one set of values, GF grew up in another environment with a different set of values. What makes your views anymore valid than hers? When I was a child I would receive a smacked hand when I did something seriously wrong that was dangerous or rude. They didn't hurt, but they were a shock. The shock told me I'd done wrong, and I needed to not do it again. As for whether I thought it was alright to then go and smack someone else for being naughty, I knew it wasn't, and why? Because my mum took the time to tell me why I'd received the smacked hand, and to explain to me the importance of behaving correctly. As a child I wouldn't be able to tell when someone had been naughty and when to smack someone's hand, so I would have just smacked someone for no reason. Adults have more reasoning capacity than kids so they can make the judgement better. Also, does your DD have any learning disabilities or anything like that? If not, then you're not really qualified to make a judgement on how children with learning disabilities should be disciplined. I have known many children with learning disabilities and was in fact one myself, and I can tell you that they do not always, and very rarely in fact, listen and behave when given a time out, or have their toys taken away. Sometimes a light smack is needed, just to let them know they're in the wrong.

WTF!?! Surely smacking a child with learning difficulties is even worse than smacking a child without?! I was so shocked at this I couldn't even think of a response.

TheCunnyFunt Sat 19-Dec-15 10:21:42

Oh and FYI learning disabilities hadn't even been mentioned until his comment fconfused

ovenchips Sat 19-Dec-15 10:23:12

I have a child with learning difficulties. But I still wouldn't rise to such Facebook bait. Ignore/ hide/ unfriend. Then forget about it.

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes Sat 19-Dec-15 10:23:57

Hitting anyone is unacceptable.

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 19-Dec-15 10:29:03

You got sucked in commenting on shit like this.

I don't agree with smacking but I have however smacked my ds a few times when he was little and I can understand parents at the end of their tether doing it. It's not a great parenting technique but it's hard not to revert back to your own upbringing in the heat of the moment. I don't think parents who have smacked their dc should be vilified and sent to prison but parenting classes, books, resources are needed if they can't consciously parent differently and think smacking is ok.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 19-Dec-15 10:30:09

YANBU

MrsJayy Sat 19-Dec-15 10:44:20

I did smack bottoms many years ago but i stopped because it doesnt work being hit doesnt instill good discipline it just makes them frightened i do regret smacking and i did stop as itwasnt right to hit them back then a smacked bum wasnt frowned upon yanbu

GreatFuckability Sat 19-Dec-15 10:48:39

I don't think its 'worse' to smack a child with LD, no. But I don't think its generally a good way of dealing with issues of any kind either.

TaliZorah Sat 19-Dec-15 10:52:01

Smacking kids is crap and ineffective.

Obloquy Sat 19-Dec-15 10:52:13

YANBU, it's illegal in my country now, is it corporal punishment still legal in the UK?

Smacking is bloody stupid imo and ime.

Crazypetlady Sat 19-Dec-15 10:54:47

YANBU How can we teach our children violence is wrong if we are punishing them with violence?

Sighing Sat 19-Dec-15 10:58:21

It's a grey area in the UK. Personally I'd report anyone I witnessed hitting anyone (whatever age) because if I see it (in public) it's going to be 10 times worse in private (based on my childhood).

yorkshapudding Sat 19-Dec-15 10:58:46

It's well documented that children with physical or learning disabilities are more likely to experience abuse than those without a disability. All the more reason to teach them from an early age that it's not ok for anyone to touch them in anger or in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. Normalising physical aggression when a child might not even have the capacity to understand that it's being used as a consequence for negative behaviour is extremely misguided. I would also be very concerned about parents who use their child's disability as justification for hitting them.

Having said all that, you're very unlikely to change anybody's mind by getting into arguments on Facebook because it's so public, it just makes them more defensive.

jamesdeandaydream Sat 19-Dec-15 11:02:32

My cousin visited me yesterday with her 18 month old. He took a toy from my 1 year old and then began screaming when she took it back. My cousin stormed over and slapped his hand really hard 3 times and pointed in his face and said 'naughty boy!'. It really upset dd (and me!) I can't believe people hit their kids. What on earth could it possible achieve other than making your child shit scared of you?

IguanaTail Sat 19-Dec-15 11:04:03

is corporal punishment still legal in the UK

Under English law, it is legal for a parent to smack their child but not severely - it is not legal to leave a mark or bruise. "Transient redness" is permissible.

In Scotland I believe it is legal to smack your child but only those over the age of 3 and not near the head.

It is not legal for anyone else to smack a child.

Crazypetlady Sat 19-Dec-15 11:16:16

James I would report your cousin poor baby. I don't agree with smacking but I know some do but three times to me shows a bigger problem.

mrsmugoo Sat 19-Dec-15 11:18:35

I was smacked as a child and I have to say it's done me no harm - I always knew the difference between a slap on the leg and violence...

HOWEVER

I now have my own and I am firmly in the no smacking camp. When he's naughty I explain why what he's done is wrong and he sits on his chair until he's said sorry. I try not to shout and lose my patience. I read somewhere that you should behave like the adult you want them to become and that's stuck with me.

I want to teach him right from wrong and respect for people and property not be be scared of me and my authority over him.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 19-Dec-15 11:19:54

Normalising physical aggression when a child might not even have the capacity to understand that it's being used as a consequence for negative behaviour is extremely misguided

This

MrsJayy Sat 19-Dec-15 11:23:02

Yeah that is 1 of the reasons i stopped smacking i didnt want them to learn right from wrong because i hit them, they are pretty decent adults now so we did an ok job (I hope)

Spilose Sat 19-Dec-15 11:24:33

It did me no harm and I was never ever frightened of my parents but that doesn't make it okay. YANBU OP.

Dipankrispaneven Sat 19-Dec-15 11:25:52

I was smacked as a child and I would say it definitely harmed my relationship with my parents. And it didn't make me behave better, if anything it made me angry and made me behave worse - but maybe I learnt to hide it or to stay out of reach.

Finola1step Sat 19-Dec-15 11:35:20

You got sucked into a FB argument. For the record, I think you are right. I do think your friend has a point in that people are raised in different ways. However, he has missed a massive point in that society has moved on in its view of smacking young children.

I was smacked by mum as a child a good few times and by Dad once. It may not have done any significant harm but, nor did it do any good. Therefore I have chosen to never smack my own dc. They are not ruined and spoilt because of it. They are pretty good kids if I say so myself.

You are absolutely right that it is in some ways worse smacking a child with additional needs.

But you will not change their views. Step back. Don't rise to anymore nonsense.

GingerIvy Sat 19-Dec-15 11:47:11

It used to be the "acceptable" method of discipline. People often go with what is familiar. I don't smack my children, but my parents did. My sister did, years ago, but doesn't anymore.

I could probably debate this for ages with some of my friends on facebook. Some are very much in favour of smacking, others are not. I don't ever ask, as I don't want to get into it with them.

honkinghaddock Sat 19-Dec-15 12:11:11

A child with ld is less likely to get the connection between being smacked and what they have done wrong than child without ld. You do need to be physical (moving or restraining) with some children but hitting is wrong.

QueenArseClangers Sat 19-Dec-15 12:11:19

For people who use the phrase 'never did me any harm' I normally ask if they feel the same way about not using car seats. And lead paint. And anything else we used to do as a society before we evolved.

The phrase 'We know better so we do better' is a really good one.

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