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To have posted this on FB about my not so 'd'h and his xmas shaggathon?

(89 Posts)
ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 01:24:07

'Happy one year shaggiversary to [cheating h] and [some thick cow] who spent today reminiscing by text about their shag at last year's Christmas party, while I was recovering from my suicide attempt yesterday. My mental health has immeasurably improved knowing that I'm not completely mad, I am in fact surrounded by total cunts.'

I'm fucking gobsmacked! I thought he was perfect. Well, I haven't had much sex for a year, but now I see why. AIBU?

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Dec-15 01:31:59


What a total cunt he is.

I hope you get some RL support from your fb post, fuck whether anyone thinks you were reasonable or not.

MidniteScribbler Sat 19-Dec-15 01:33:27

Sorry, but dirty laundry doesn't need to be aired on facebook.

HeffalumpTrap Sat 19-Dec-15 01:35:55

Oh no. Really sorry to hear what he's done.
I hope you have friends and family around to help you.

I suppose the only relevant thing about the Facebook post is are you happy for everyone (friends, friends of friends etc) to know you're hurting?

hownottofuckup Sat 19-Dec-15 01:40:11

So he's been a total and you've let everyone know.
Sounds sensible to me. I hope you get the support you deserve.

AgentZigzag Sat 19-Dec-15 01:40:29

I would normally think the same midnite, but the OP wasn't in the best of minds before she found out, if she's able to talk to even one person she knows as a result of it then it has to be good doesn't it?

Much worse to be sat round on your own after feeling suicidal and betrayed by the person you thought you could trust the most.

yorkshapudding Sat 19-Dec-15 01:47:03

What an absolute wanker. I'm so sorry this has happened to you flowers

I think your need to vent is 100% understandable. Just be mindful of how you might feel later (once you've had chance to process it all) and whether it feels ok for you that others are party to such intensely personal information.

Is there anyone in RL who you can reach out to for support?

onehellofachristmas Sat 19-Dec-15 01:49:47

What an arse hope you're as ok as you can be. Hope you have some RL support flowers

G1veMeStrength Sat 19-Dec-15 01:51:21

I'm so sorry. I am 'glad' you are angry if that makes any sense. I wish you good good things and send strength to get through this shit.

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 01:56:41

Thank you. MN really helped actually. I've seen so many relationship threads I knew exactly when he was spouting bullshit and pushed him until I got the truth. Apparently they shagged 6-7 times between December and May-ish. Always at her house after nights out with work colleagues who "don't suspect anything".

My friend has messaged me, so I have some support. I need that right now, and it's not my secret to keep either, fuck 'em.

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 01:59:55

I can't believe it (well, clearly I can). But I really thought I had the perfect man! I thought I had one who would never do that to me. Wow.

hownottofuckup Sat 19-Dec-15 02:01:47

Plus it's not 'dirty laundry' it's someone she loved and trusted that has massively let her down. It is his shame to bear not hers.

hownottofuckup Sat 19-Dec-15 02:03:29

X post, glad to see you already know that OP!

CaoNiMao Sat 19-Dec-15 02:18:29

What a dick he has been, but PLEASE don't lower yourself to his level by posting this on Facebook.

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 19-Dec-15 02:20:07

Sometimes, what is termed 'dirty laundry' is really 'dirty little secret'. And dirty little secrets really do need to be exposed, because they go hand in glove with gaslighting. OP has mentioned her mental health, I would wonder how much his dirty little secret contributed to that?

As for "Always at her house after nights out with work colleagues who "don't suspect anything". " Yeah, right. I'd bet good money that several would have twigged it.

How did the text exchange come to your attention OP?

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 02:29:45

I'd bet good money that several would have twigged it.
Yeah, me too! 6-7 times and they always went home together, would have been cosy chats they think nobody saw - idiots, it will have been the talk of the office.

He came home drunk af about midnight and his phone buzzed a couple of times, he checked it and was ok me reading one message but slightly reluctant to show me the other. When I saw it, the exchange was:

HER: 1 year ago today ;) x
HIM: Can't stop remembering x
Her: [colleague] really likes you...
Him: Lol, tell me something I don't know x I really like [colleague], a lot, although not like that.
Him: Missin' you RED x
Her: ;) xx
Her: Missing you trouble x

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 02:33:03

He said she was just talking about having a great time dancing - I called bullshit. He admitted to a kiss. Then I text her 'what happened a year ago today?' and he admitted they shagged, and she texted back 'Um... we did lol x'. I text her, please call me, I need to talk to you. She called. I said I needed to know the truth, she said her name isn't [her name] and I must have the wrong number (er, you rang me, you dumbarse)! I chucked the phone at him and said I don't believe him and it's over. He coughed all the details. Well, allegedly!

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 02:35:40

I text her 'Can you please tell me if you're still together and when was the last time you had sex? I'm not judging you, you're a single woman, you can shag whoever you want. I'm not angry at you at all. I just need to know if he's being truthful now or not'. She hasn't replied. Which is nice, thanks for that!

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 19-Dec-15 02:41:00


Bloody hell, was [some thick cow] trying to set up a threesome? shock

So, what next ThatsNiceDear? I imagine today was spent in shock/anger/disbelief, but your future starts now. How are the practicalities going? RL support? Living arrangements? Disentangling your finances?

MistressDeeCee Sat 19-Dec-15 02:52:18

Not going to judge you, you were angry upset and hurt and expressed that how you felt you needed to at the time. Hope it made you feel better though. & that you have RL support too.

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 03:06:24

Well I only found out about 2 hours ago whereyouleft. I have no idea what to do now. I have a 3yo and a 6yo looking forward to xmas together so we'll get that out the way before anything else I suppose. I don't know. I don't know how I feel, or if I feel anything at all. The funny thing is I've been crying non stop for days, and since I found this out I'm not feeling weepy, I don't know what I'm feeling. Adrenaliny I think.

No she didn't know it was me texting her to call - I did it from his phone. She was shocked as fuck when I picked up. I doubt a threesome entered her head at all!

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 03:15:30

MistressDeeCee The other funny thing (this just keeps getting more 'hilarious'!) is that at hospital yesterday, they asked me if I had any family support, and I gushed about my wonderful husband. He's 'perfect' I said!! I don't spend a lot of time with friends at all, but I have some there, on facebook. Nobody close enough and friendly enough to chat to, I'd have to drive an hour for that. I expect I'll sleep most of tomorrow, obviously won't be falling asleep tonight!

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 19-Dec-15 03:19:58

Ah sorry, I misunderstood, I thought it was Thursday midnight this happened and you'd had to deal with this all Friday. It sounds as if you're possibly in shock, which can be a blessing - autopilot sort of takes over and you just 'function'.

You FBed "My mental health has immeasurably improved knowing that I'm not completely mad, I am in fact surrounded by total cunts." Was this bravado, or do you really feel that way? Do you think that this secret of his, and the way it must have changed his behaviour towards you, created a situation where you knew something was wrong but couldn't work out what? Because that really wouldn't be good for anyone's mental health.

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 03:34:24

No my mental health went to fuck because of work - they're total cunts I cba to go into it. He was the one thing I could really rely on. I had no doubts at all.

And yeah I've spent the last 2 days sobbing. And the last few hours not feeling like crying at all. I'm bemused. Just in shock probably.

ThatsNiceDear Sat 19-Dec-15 03:35:16

2 days sobbing because I found out I was losing my job. Yay me, haha. #winner!

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