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To feel gutted for her

(17 Posts)
ontheedgeofnewdawn Fri 18-Dec-15 07:47:09

Dd is 13 and in secondary school. She has some additional needs but is a lovely girl and not unkind to others although she spends a lot of time on her own.

Her form teacher organised secret santa. Dd did not feel up to getting involved last year but this year she has and was excited.

Only it was made clear to her yesterday that when someone chose her name from the hat they said urghh and chucked it to the ground, her name was then thrown between people in her form and no one wanted her sad The child who had her name originally was moved to her form after issues in her own and immediately told dd she didn't like her.

A boy who is ok in class picked her name up off the floor and did get her a small and lovely present incase no one else did and i am grateful to him for that. Very grateful.

But i am completely gutted she had the confidence to join in this year and it was marred like this. She is also worrying about going back after Christmas incase the child who started it all off gets in trouble and takes it out on her.

QOD Fri 18-Dec-15 07:48:50

How bloody awful
take it up with head of year
and what a lovely boy!

theycallmemellojello Fri 18-Dec-15 07:49:54

Your poor dd, how horrible. I think you should speak to the school. Form tutor should not allow this. Perhaps she can move form.

AmandaTanen Fri 18-Dec-15 07:51:29

That is so awful, as it was organised by the school I would definitely get in touch with them.

MoMoTy Fri 18-Dec-15 07:51:35

Yanbu how nasty of the other kids, poor ddsad
The other boy was lovely though. Agree, you need to see the teacher, where were they when all this was happening?

Zippidydoodah Fri 18-Dec-15 07:52:49

Oh, your poor dd sad

Thank goodness for the boy who bought her something. And yes, I agree, you should definitely go in and talk to her tutor to see what is going to be done about the incident.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 18-Dec-15 07:53:41

I would be get in touch with the school and let them know what your dd told you.

Some kids are nasty, then you get lovely ones like the lad who bought her her gift.

Do tell the school just so they've got a heads up if that girl starts on dd in the NY.

PhoenixReisling Fri 18-Dec-15 07:56:27

That's awful.

Is she at secondary? If so what was her tutor doing when this happened?

I've had this happen in my form. I found the best way was to carefully plan who had who (so this type of behaviour didn't happen) or give names in an envelope to be opened later so a particular child didn't have an audience so show off too and I always bought gifts myself (as some children couldn't afford to buy etc).

flowers for you and your daughter.

CombineBananaFister Fri 18-Dec-15 07:56:55

That's appalling behaviour from a 13 year girl, I haven't seen that kind of thing among younger primary age children where you would expect less understanding maybe (actually they tend to be the most inclusive)

Your poor DD, I would have expected the school to deal with it the moment it happened - certainly wouldn't have allowed the other girl to take part in secret santa. People can be so cruel sad

orlakielyimnot Fri 18-Dec-15 07:57:23

That's heart breaking. When I hear things like that i think this is why I could never parent. How do you manage. Hope your girl keeps her spirits up.

Wagglebees Fri 18-Dec-15 07:59:38

sad That's fucking horrible.

Unfortunately when there's a dominant bully in the class most of the others will join in with them so they don't get picked on themselves. Even if they don't agree with what the bully is doing.

Thank goodness for the lovely boy. At least one of them had their own mind.

I'd definitely speak to the school about this. Being excluded from things is one of the worst kinds of bullying and it needs to be nipped in the bud.

🌟🎄💗 to your DD. I really hope this gets resolved soon.

x2boys Fri 18-Dec-15 08:01:52

Thats terrible where were the teachers and why was this allowed to happen? The boy was lovely.

TheoriginalLEM Fri 18-Dec-15 08:02:46

I am really shocked that they do this in school, there are so many reasons why this is not appropriate!

The OP's dd wont be the first child that this sort of thing happened to
There is scope for really nasty tricks to be played in terms of what present is bought
There is pressure for less well off families to have yet another financial burden

I hope this doesn't happen when DD starts secondary next year, she is a very shy and sensitive child, with some SEN issues and i can see her being in a similar position to the OP's dd.

flowers for you and your DD

ontheedgeofnewdawn Fri 18-Dec-15 08:05:20

I don't know where the form teacher was. I do think she became aware yesterday about what had happened as she had brought extra presents in incase someone forgot and she gave the boy in question an extra present from her box as a reward so i am guessing she had been told but did not want to relay the reason to dd. Only people just told her.

ontheedgeofnewdawn Fri 18-Dec-15 08:07:06

Theres a £3 limit and you do not have to take part but yes the nasty present thing was my worry too.

glueandstick Fri 18-Dec-15 08:09:00

I'm so sorry your daughter has been treated like that. Kids can be so vile and especially so at that age. The school should be made aware of that nasty behaviour AND the kindness of the boy. He showed maturity and compassion above his years and that too should be recognised. I hope it doesn't dent her confidence - make an bigger deal of the kindness shown to prove not all people are bad.

FeelingSmurfy Fri 18-Dec-15 08:14:26

That sounds like my high school experience minus the boy! I'm glad the boy was rewarded, try to focus on him with your daughter, on how he bought 2 presents to make sure your daughter got one.

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