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AIBU to think that it is just as rude...

(49 Posts)
LadyColinCampbell Fri 18-Dec-15 00:47:48

... if not even more rude to comment on what people have left on their plates as it is to leave food that somebody has cooked for you?

I am not a picky eater, and will have a good go at anything really, but there are two places where I draw the line- creamy sauces eg carbonara (the smell of the cream makes me feel really, imminently sick) and beef (I will have a stab at it but I find the texture horrible. This may be because of my HFA and therefore unreasonable.)

If the meal is a "surprise" eg the host hasn't told you what they are cooking in advance giving you a reasonable period to back out if you really can't stomach the food, and it's a situation where they'll be offended if you say you'd rather not have any of x thing (because they might cook the best carbonara in the world, but you just don't like carbonara!) then AIBU to think that while some may think it's rude to cut up a meal and "pretend" to eat it so as not to offend

LadyColinCampbell Fri 18-Dec-15 00:48:23

Oops, silly create button!

AIBU to think it's just as rude to point out in front of everyone what you haven't eaten, or that you haven't eaten much.

whatdoIget Fri 18-Dec-15 00:53:44

Yanbu. You're not being rude, but the person who commented on what you had/hadn't eaten was was it my mum?

LadyColinCampbell Fri 18-Dec-15 00:58:08

Whatdoiget- I hope not- it was DP's mum!!! Who incidentally likes to say that I'm a very precious, picky eater because she cooks disgusting acquired taste type food and I can't digest it likes you to have the same taste as her.

LeaLeander Fri 18-Dec-15 01:57:04

According to any etiquette authority it is the height of rudeness for any hostess to comment on what a guest does or does not infest.

It is not rude to decline food. Period.

whatdoIget Fri 18-Dec-15 02:06:03

Infest? shock

ShebaShimmyShake Fri 18-Dec-15 02:09:09

I'm guessing she meant 'ingest', but actually I hope that was the word she intended...

CherryPits Fri 18-Dec-15 02:16:15

Commenting on other's food or lack of food, after a meal is rude. Well it might not be considered rude within say the context of a family. Mum says to kid "you didn't eat much did you?"

But to have people over, or go out do dinner and have someone connected sociably comment, that would be rude, yes.

whatdoIget Fri 18-Dec-15 02:17:05

Ingest/infest/whatever. Etiquette demands that the host does not comment!

Italiangreyhound Fri 18-Dec-15 03:21:10


It sounds like my mum! It must come from the era of rationing where turning your body into a human dustbin and ingesting food you did not want or need, or like, was more virtuous then throwing it away.

In our house we have bowls of food on the table and people serve themselves, for all but the simplest meals. It means food not taken can be suitably stored (for two days) and then eaten.

Serving yourself a lot and then not eating it is not ideal but even if that happened (which it clearly did not) then commenting on it is rude.

Although as an aside at Asian steamboat (fondue, all you can eat) style restaurants you can sometimes be fined in Singapore if you take and then do not eat!!

Must go to bed!!

nocoolnamesleft Fri 18-Dec-15 03:29:32

Hmmm. It is acceptable to comment, but only in a "I'm really sorry it's not to your taste, could I get you something else?" kind of way. Very rude to comment in a "I've been slaving over a hot stove and how dare you waste it" kind of way.

Archduke Fri 18-Dec-15 05:36:53

If the comment was from DPs mum why haven't you already explained that you don't like food with creamy sauces and beef?

ewanthedreamsheep Fri 18-Dec-15 05:58:38

But carbonara doesn't contain cream :s

QOD Fri 18-Dec-15 06:15:29

Carbonara does have cream ...

TheSkiingGardener Fri 18-Dec-15 06:20:36

Good carbonara doesn't have cream.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Fri 18-Dec-15 06:24:54

Real carbonara certainly doesn't have cream.

I think leaving food which has been cooked for you is far ruder than commenting on it. If a certain dish makes you physically heave hmm then surely you have the good manners to tell your host before going that you really don't like that particular food.

Jibberjabberjooo Fri 18-Dec-15 06:27:31

Surely your DP's mum should know you any eat these things? Unless she doesn't really care.

Jibberjabberjooo Fri 18-Dec-15 06:27:58

Don't eat any of, I mean.

maybebabybee Fri 18-Dec-15 06:33:39

This topic has been done to death...

splendide Fri 18-Dec-15 06:44:36

Carbonara doesn't have cream but clearly is "creamy".

splendide Fri 18-Dec-15 06:44:52

Oh and yanbu

LadyColinCampbell Fri 18-Dec-15 08:25:38

Thanks for replies all. As it is I try not to leave food or to comment on others' food anyway!

Jibberjabber spot on, she knows exactly what I don't eat and tries to get me to eat it because she knows that I will try to be polite and eat it.

Thread derailment- what is the creamy boak smell if not cream?! You learn something new every day!

maybebabybee Fri 18-Dec-15 08:30:25

Proper carbonara shouldn't have actual cream in it, only egg. Just thought I'd point that out grin

BillBrysonsBeard Fri 18-Dec-15 08:35:04

It shouldn't be commented on, it's equivalent to someone commenting on someones big portion. I think normally you would both be being unreasonable if you didn't vocalise you don't like this food, but you have!

LadyColinCampbell Fri 18-Dec-15 08:37:56

Ooh maybebabybee thank you, have just looked up a recipe. Bleurgh!

ThenLater, as a genuine question, don't you think it's rude to say to somebody in advance "make sure you don't cook x because I don't like it?" as it is, everyone who knows me knows that I don't like these foods anyway, but surely saying that is a bit entitled?

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